Before I met her she was interested in Duke and Princeton, but we talked a lot and considered other colleges. I told her about Stanford, and eventually we decided that was the best option by far, with little competition actually. (Academics, location, activities, resources, feel, EVERYTHING).
We even took a trip to California with her family to tour it. (Harvey Mudd & UCB also)
We were both very qualified to get in. (I could post stats but that’s not the point)
We are extremely close. (Don’t try to suggest that I should give up on her)
We both applied early action, and on Friday the 13th, she got a great email, and I got another one.
How to I even begin to deal with this? On top of the disappointment of not getting into what was my first choice school, I now have to to go a different college than her.
Berkeley was my second choice, and we both applied there before the deadline, so I’m hoping to get accepted there and be relatively close to her. I just can’t even seem to be exited about going there, even though they are comparable.
tl;dr: I’m extremely sad, and I need to move on somehow, I just don’t know how. I know it’s impossible to justify why I may not have been accepted, I just need a clear reason to move forward.
This is when you have to show even more commitment to your relationship. No use crying over spilt milk. Get into your second best school, and outperform others, so that your girlfriend can be proud of you. Keep in touch with her, so she doesn’t forget you.
Remember that “out of sight” means “out of mind”. There are tons of cool guys in Stanford. You have just lost once, so be sure not to lose again. You’re not applying to Stanford anymore, you’re competing against it, for your girlfriend!
Alternatively, you may choose to take a gap year, or transfer to Stanford next year.
But remember, a healthy relationship is based on the foundation of two complete people who are mentally sound and capable of fulfilling their own needs. You need to, and deserve to, go to the best college you can out of your current choices.
Even if it means being far away.
You don’t want to look back, regardless of how the relationship turns out, thinking “Gee, I wish I would have gone to School X”
There are a lot of technological advances that allow people to communicate that weren’t even that prevalent 10 years ago. You can make time for her, even if she’s a long way away.
Don’t put the burden on her that you’re sacrificing your future/wants for her. Can you imagine how that feels? Imagine having to say, “Wow I’m miserable here, I’m only here so I can be close to you”
That is a guilt that someone you care about doesn’t deserve.
In short, take care of yourself and do your best to preserve the relationship. If you both are dedicated at making it work, it will.
Neither you nor your girlfriend should choose colleges based on each other. You should pick what makes sense for you and your goals. If you are meant to be, your relationship will stand the test of time. If not, you will break up like the majority of high school relationships. I have heard too many stories of kids who went to the same college as their bf/gf, broke up, and then were stuck somewhere not ideal for them.
How far apart will you be? My daughter and her boyfriend purposely selected to go to different colleges. They adore each other, but decided that this would give them more time to grow up. It can be a positive for your relationship.
@ursawarrior: Thanks a ton for your advice. Competing against Stanford, I love it. I will have to do that and I’m prepared to. @sabella: Thank you. I will be sure not to create that situation. It’s so hard though, because I do want to be close to her. @Fifthinstructor: If Berkeley works out, we will be an hour away. We have thought about how busy we will be and how even if we were both at Stanford it might be difficult to do a lot, but it still seems like a better situation than being at different colleges.
Everyone: I am starting to get over this, but every once and a while I get pangs of reality. I’m not going, she is. That I can accept. What my problem is now is knowing where else to apply. I really wanting to stay in California, so I’m considering CalTech and Harvey Mudd. Should I apply to high level schools that have my desired major even if I am almost sure I won’t go? I would have loved for this stress to disappear a week ago, but now I have to live with it until March.
Unless you’re completely sure you want to stay in California, I would apply to at least one or two schools with some geographic diversity. You never know what your admissions decisions will be in March, and if you can find out-of-state schools with your major that you really like, I think it would be beneficial to apply just to have more options. And on a side note, I really believe that everything will work out for the best, and that everything going on right now is happening for a reason. Hang in there
My sympathies go out to you. If you want to stay in that area, Berkeley is still great! Do as much as you can to get excited about it! Or like others said, apply to more places—maybe some across the country for some added diversity. At the end of the day it’ll be alright and you won’t regret your decision to go to whatever college you do.
The same thing just happened to my boyfriend and I - kind of. He was admitted on a coaches support and I was deferred. I know there is still a chance, but I also know that I am the typical applicant with outstanding stats and average ECs. I am not incredibly optimistic, but I recognize that, as much as I wish I’d gotten in, maybe it’s better not to spend so much of my time to grow up on my own tied so closely to him. I still don’t like to think about it that much. I’m sorry this happened to you, but you are not alone in it. If you ever want to talk about it, you know where to find me. Best of luck.
