Stanford Supplement help? Please Read!

College Essays
1

<p>In applying for Stanford I just wanted to know what you guys thought of my two essays that I have written so far. The first prompt I have addressed asks you to write a letter to your roommate, and the second asks "what matters to you, and why?" thanks for any input guys!!</p>

<p>My name is Kera and I’m from southern California. I love the sunshine and the heat so we will get along just fine if you keep the air conditioning at a decent temperature that doesn’t freeze the ends of my hair after I get out of the shower. I am a very outgoing person. If you simply won’t stay quiet like me, we will stay up until the wee hours of the night talking about anything and everything, for better or worse. If you are shy, I will still try and talk to you. I am a health nut, but I will always succumb to Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and any type of chocolate, so I am begging you leave those little goodies back home with mom and dad because I made a promise that I would not gain those freshman fifteen pounds. Because I have played soccer since my diaper days, I am always trying to discover new ways to be active so, recently, I have been finding myself at a new rock climbing gym in my city. Apart from my athletic interests, I am obsessed with knitting, great shopping deals, painting my nails, and playing the piano. I additionally sing, but you can judge my abilities or lack thereof when the time comes. Although it would be extremely convenient if you too played soccer, the piano, and had an interest in majoring in neuroscience, I hope you are very different from me. I am constantly surrounded by similar activities, people, and attitudes in Orange County, so I can’t wait for you to show me new perspectives, interests, and ideas. We will be spending a great majority of our first year in college together so I hope you end up liking me: what I’d like to describe as an adventurous, half-Asian geek.</p>

<p>There is no such thing as a stupid question. Well, maybe there is or maybe there isn’t, but one will never know if they don’t find the audacity within to ask it. Students may mock me, acknowledging that Kera has a question—shocker. Nevertheless, I am “that” girl. Four minutes until the bell rings and we have just finished an overwhelming discussion in my Theory of Knowledge class. While everyone is packing up their binders and pens and I shoot up my hand and have to ask just how? But why?—there has to be an answer. Simultaneously, I hear multiple groans from students, irritated that I had just opened another discussion. I am intrinsically inquisitive, and I think it is important that students are constantly challenging everything, not in a negative, skeptical manner, but out of a desire to understand fully. Behind every instrumental discovery was a question that an individual was burning to know the answer to. Through questions come great ideas, changes, and a loss of ignorance. Though asking almost every question I can think of may not lead to Gandhi’s spiritual truths or Newton’s Laws of Physics, I gain a better sense of myself and a new perspective. The ability to question my beliefs, purpose, and motives really causes me to examine my life. Sometimes, questions can lead to more questions and a more perturbed state of mind, but I would rather be at peace with the fact that I am trying to understand a complicated argument than blindly accept what I am being told to believe. Whether I am asking about a calculus problem or the foundations of my beliefs, my boldness to challenge everything has enriched my learning experience in my quest for a more complete understanding. I hope to never lose this desire, and that everyone may succumb to curiosity, and the willingness to act on it.</p>

2

<p>Don’t start with bland introduction. They already know your name</p>

3

<p>I really like both your essays! The letter to your roommate shows your personality, lists your interests and hobbies, and includes humor, which adds even more to your personality.
I’m applying to Stanford too and I also started off with my name… I don’t know how else to start it…</p>

<p>Overall both of your essays are amazing, but for the What matters to you, and why? essay maybe you could say “While everyone is packing up their binders and pens, I shoot up my hand and have to ask just how? But why?..” (get rid of the “and”, use a comma instead). I think it just sounds better :)</p>

4

<p>And could you edit my essays too? Thank you so much!</p>

<p>Letter to Roommate:
Hi roomie!
My name is Sanjana and I can’t wait to get to know you! First of all, I am really excited about dorm life and sharing a room with someone. I don’t have any siblings and have always wanted a sister, so this is perfect for me!
My friends and family describe me as caring, determined, and a great listener. I think I am very accommodating and understanding, too, and I become close to people very quickly. I am not a neat freak, but I prefer things to be in their proper “pile” so they are easier to find.
Throughout my life, I’ve been exposed to different cultures and ethnic foods and I especially enjoy authentic Italian, Mexican, and Middle Eastern foods. Some of my extracurricular activities include hip-hop dance, gymnastics, and speech. Something I’ve discovered about myself in high school is that I persevere. I applied for many leadership groups and positions, but didn’t get selected for most of them. However, that didn’t stop me from trying for other activities, and I want others to do the same.
In about a month I’ll be a science camp counselor for sixth graders at my old elementary school, which I’m both nervous and excited about! This is my first time taking care of and being responsible for kids for an entire week, but I think I’ll do a fine job.
Finally, I feel you should know that I get very emotional and anxious sometimes. During sad movies or news reports, I really feel the emotional pain, maybe even more than others around me.
Anyways, what are you like? Most importantly, I want us to feel comfortable around each other.<br>
I can’t wait to meet you!
Your roommate,
Sanjana</p>

<p>What matter to you, and why?:
Being loved by family and friends matters the most to me. More than anyone or anything else, family and close friends can help one achieve anything and get through difficult situations in life. For example, when I was feeling dejected after not being selected for Leadership 2, a class that I yearned to be part of, my parents and friends were the ones who cheered me up. They encouraged me to not give up but continue applying for other activities. Also after drifting away from some close friends in junior high school, my parents kept my confidence high which helped me reach out to make new friends.</p>

<p>My good reputation also matters to me. Since good behavior is important in society, I want to be seen by others as a caring, well-mannered individual and thus, I choose to act this way. In addition, I am conscientious of my statements as I don’t want to offend anyone. One will rarely see me acting rudely, and if I am, I feel badly afterwards. Always thinking about one’s reputation can be an obstacle, but I see it as a benefit. </p>

<p>Next, performing well on my school assignments matters to me. I dislike rushing through anything just to get the job done and move on; instead, I prefer to spend quality time and learn from an assignment.</p>

<p>Finally, grades matter to me. I was raised in a studious environment and in a school district full of people who focus on grades, test scores, and studying. My high school is also very competitive and I think because of these reasons, I am extremely focused on school and grades.
What matters the most to me are my family and friends, my good reputation, my work ethic, and grades.</p>

<p>And I’m not sure if we can pick multiple things that matter or is it just one?</p>

5

<p>Hi Sanjana, I think your letter to your future roommate is decent. I would, however, like to point out what I perceive to be flaws in your ‘What matters to you and why’ essay.</p>

<ol>
<li>Instead of “being loved by family and friends”, a simple “family and friends” would suffice, and make you sound a bit more humble. You do reciprocate the love, don’t you?</li>
<li>While reputation, performance in school and good grades are on many students’ minds, and I commend you for being so honest, these do not seem to me the qualities a Stanford applicant should be highlighting. In my opinion, Stanford is looking for students who have an itch to know more about the world and themselves, rather than to boost their grades or standing in society. I encourage you to rethink your answers for that one.
Good luck.</li>
</ol>

6

<p>Thanks so much for the input!</p>

7

<p>The only reason I started off with my name is because I thought of it like I was legitimately writing a letter, and I thought it just sounds natural to begin like that. But I’ll consider other options, thanks!</p>