<p>I'm currently a sophomore in college and I'm going to a top 25 school. The academics are decent but I don't have a social life and it doesn't seem like it will ever improve no matter what I do. I had a fall out with a significant number of people and I can't seem to avoid these people no matter where I go in that they seem to be acquaintances or friends of every new person I meet. I guess I have to blame myself to an extent for the way things turned out but honestly I haven't done anything wrong to any of these people. So I don't understand why they have to bad mouth me in front of every new person I meet. I feel like after a year people should forget and move on. Moreso because I haven't done anything wrong. </p>
<p>All of this has caused me to develop social anxiety, which is affecting my academics. I feel like I can make through the next two years if I stay focused, but I won't have much fun or any good memories of college. But the only alternative is transferring to a lower tier school. </p>
<p>How about moving off campus to an apartment? Is that a possibility? Sounds like the academics are fine, but the social end is not working for you. Expand your horizons a bit. Off campus housing and a part time job will help you make connections outside the campus bubble. Dorm life is not for everyone. Also how about considering a year or semester abroad to break things up? </p>
<p>Why do you assume that transferring out means transferring “down”? Are your grades such that you have no hope of being accepted at a peer institution? If it is just that you think you are applying too late to get into a peer institution, consider taking a leave of absence for a semester or year, and applying to transfer while you are on that leave.</p>
<p>That said, why do you assume that transferring “down” would mean transferring into a bad fit situation? Depending on your major, the better institution could very well be one that is “lower” in whatever rankings it is you have been looking at.</p>
<p>I know a young person who hated her Top 20 LAC from the get-go but decided to suck it up for four years in order to have that name on her resume (despite the fact that for her major field and career interests that particular name means very little). The only semester she enjoyed was the one she spent abroad. Only you can decide if you are willing to do what she did. </p>
<p>I think you need to take a look inward before you decide to transfer. Maybe even go the school counseling department and take some time to figure things out.</p>
<p>These kids may be being total jerks. It is also possible that you are not seeing your situation clearly enough. It may feel like they are bad mouthing you to every new person you meet but maybe you are imagining some of this.</p>
<p>The greatest thing that ever happened in my life is when I truly realized no one really cared about the stuff I was doing. It is so freeing to realize this. They were really only interested in themselves. Kids your age are generally very ego centric.</p>
<p>Unless you go to a very, very small college you should really be able to overcome and meet some new friends and not have this dominate your life.</p>
<p>Go to the counseling center. Get a handle on this. Then you can decide to transfer. If you need to put your applications in go ahead and do that but you really need to get a grip on what is going on within.</p>
<p>^^^^^This. What Sax said. Whenever I read that “everyone hates me” or something like that, my first question is: What’s really going on? You can transfer if you think it’ll help, but your self will still go with you to the new school. If you don’t want to repeat the same pattern, you need to figure out why you got into this situation. Sometimes it’s true that people fall in with jerks, but at a “Top 25” school, there must be a large enough population to find someone who can be your friend. And that’s why I vote for counseling first.</p>
<p>It’s definitely not as bad as I think it is but unfortunately a lot of people don’t like me on campus. Honestly this is making me feel miserable but there’s no other option. If I transfer with my academic record right now there’s no question that I’ll be in a lower tier school and by lower I mean much lower. Although I still have a 4.0, I took most of my classes pass no pass (thankfully I passed them) and I have a withdrawal on my record after withdrawing last spring. I just want to be happy here but everyday I have to force myself out of bed and head to class. </p>
<p>(2) What was the extent of what you did? Cheated on a girlfriend?</p>
<p>(3) Is the school you’re considering transferring to like the back home flagship public U where you have a bunch of friends from high school?</p>
<p>If you got into some peer schools during high school you should contact those admissions departments and tell them you socially don’t like the fit of current school. Making new friends is tough. If everyone bailed on you, chances are you weren’t that good of friends with them in the first place. Good luck.</p>
<p>Please seek counseling on campus before you decide. DS1 had a rough first year at an extremely small LAC. Counseling helped tremendously in recognizing toxic people to avoid, as well as identifying the behaviors he was engaging in that others found objectionable. So did talking with professors he trusted. It was a great life lesson for him. He turned it around second year, made friends with some folks whom hadn’t liked him at all and earned the respect of others. </p>
<p>We all face bullies at jobs and in life, and we all can find ways to improve our relationships with others. First, learn what you can about the situation and yourself from an objective source. Then do what is best for you.</p>
<p>Just stay where you are and finish up. People are forgiving. If you think that you are somehow partially responsible for any falling out, just apologize and move on. Don’t make such a big thing of it. People forgive and forget. If you are nice to other people - laugh at their jokes - they will like you. Don’t beat yourself up about any mistakes you may have made. Just be cool. (JMHO) Best of luck.</p>
<p>Is there another school that deeply interests you and that you can afford? Want to study abroad? Made any headway in your major? Lots of questions to consider. You can always apply to another school and ultimately decline to transfer if you wish. At least you’d have an option. </p>
<p>“If I transfer with my academic record right now there’s no question that I’ll be in a lower tier school and by lower I mean much lower.”</p>
<p>How do you know that for sure? A lot of Tier 1 public flagships have quite forgiving transfer policies. If you’re starting as an upperclassman, then depending on your field, you might find yourself in classes that are comparable in size and rigor to what you have now. It sounds like a big school might be a good place to start over for you anyway.</p>
<p>I agree with the suggestions to seek counseling. Let’s assume you transfer to a lower tier school - this is no guarantee that you’ll find happiness there. Then you are in the same situation, but at a lower tier school… </p>
<p>I support glido’s comment that people are forgiving. This is so true! If you know for sure that you’ve acted like a jerk, and you’re prepared to stop being one, then tell the people you’ve hurt and apologize! Some of them may blow you off, but the ones worth having as friends will respect you and appreciate your effort. </p>
<p>Change your attitude before you go through some huge exercise in trying to change schools. </p>
<p>Also, go join some clubs and find a few new friends. You can’t possibly have alienated every single person on campus. </p>
<p>I am going to counseling right now and hopefully it will help out. My school is a pretty big school actually but I guess it’s the people I am affiliated with. I like to go to the gym a lot and the same guys are always there. I have 2-3 guys I like to hang out with and vice versa but they tend to be with people who don’t like me. So it is always awkward when we are all hanging out. Maybe I should just cut everyone out and try to start over fresh. I will ask my therapist that question. But it doesn’t help that when I’m walking around campus at least a couple of people from past encounters are glaring at me. </p>
<p>Try changing the time you use the gym. People tend to have routines and if you switch yours, you are more likely to see new faces and start some new patterns. I agree that it is a good idea to try to join some new clubs or organizations. Is there one in the field you may wish to pursue? Is there a religious organization that you are interested in? How about the campus YWCA or YMCA? How about ultimate frisbee? Some intramural sport? Student government? Outdoor activities? </p>
<p>If you go to a pretty big school, I think it’s safe to say that not as many people dislike as you think you do, and there are still tons of students out there that have no idea about any of this. If the same guys are always there at the gym, try going during different times or go to a different gym. Maybe you could join a rec class, running club, intramural sport, off campus pick-up games, or other things like that that will let you meet new people outside of your circle. Get involved with something completely different, and go to events and such to meet new people.</p>
<p>And you don’t have to cut out the people you like to make new friends. It’s okay to have different groups that you hang out with. If people are glaring at you, then just ignore them, but I’d bet that people aren’t glaring at you as much as you think they are. Obviously, you know the situation better than anyone else, but I doubt they care about you as much as you think they do.</p>
<p>I don’t think you should transfer schools just because there are a couple of people at your school who you had a falling out with. If you think you would love this school if you had a solid group of friends, then go out there and find a good group of friends. Moving to a new place is always hard, and I don’t think it’ll make the social situation any easier. You go to a big school, so go spend time with the part of it that doesn’t care what you may or may not have done in the past.</p>
<p>I completely second several of the ideas already stated:
Get to counseling, usually on campus and free
Change up your routine and switch your gym and eating and library times and you will fun into some new blood, or at least be less likely to keep seeing those you hope not to
Go abroad for a semester</p>
<p>Other ideas:
If you are in a consortium or have cross registration, take a class or to at another campus…and maybe even join a club at one of them.
Engage in something totally new that you might enjoy: Theater as part of the crew; helping with tutoring; sport medicine; service groups; faith groups…</p>
<p>Give this all a shot NOW before making any huge change of schools. Kids, even in college, are immature. They will move on and complain about something or someone else later. Don’t let them run you out of the college. If you CHOOSE to leave, find. But don’t let them make you feel as though you must. You applied, got in and it is your college too. </p>
<p>So I took your advice and went to counseling. Unfortunately, they weren’t helpful at all and recommended that I see someone outside, telling me that the campus services are for “crisis” counseling. I don’t want to see an outside counselor because that is additional cost, and I don’t want something like that on my record. </p>
<p>For the second free session I went to the counselor cut my session short (30 mins instead of the hour). I was really disappointed and honestly I got better advice from a peer than the counselor. </p>
<p>Thankfully my grades are pretty good this semester, but I’ll be going back home over the summer and hope that things will get better next semester. I don’t want to regret my college experience like I regretted my high school one. </p>
<p>College counseling services are often just for crisis. They have a list of local therapists that have been approved. Your health insurance should cover almost all of the fee. what you discuss with the therapist will remain confidential. Please try with the private therapist.</p>
<p>At some colleges, the grad students in clinical psych are the therapists seen in the counseling center. The private therapists may have years of experience. (This is not true everywhere; some colleges have experienced therapists/psychiatrists on staff, but it varies.)</p>