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<p>How much did he buy the house for? What’s the square footage? </p>
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<p>Are you including property taxes, maintenance to house, etc?</p>
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<p>Yes .</p>
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<p>Oh good, so we agree. Like I said in post 153. If you’re sharing bills, even if it’s with your parents, then you’re fending for yourself :)</p>
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<p>But how many parents have their kids pay an EQUAL share? Basing by the comments on here there are none.</p>
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<p>One- that’s why I said “could”. Two- parents here are not a good sample of the population. Just as the college kids on here are not a good sample of the general college population.</p>
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<p>And on the other hand they “couldn’t”.</p>
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<p>I know that, that’s why I take what some people say on here with a grain of salt.</p>
<p>My H (which I posted about previously) paid more to live with his folks than he was paying to live in his own place. He specifically moved back home to help THEM with their finances. He put his entire paycheck into the family “pot,” to try to pay as many of the family bills as possible. He worked full-time at a good, steady job. His dad have various jobs over the years, as did his mom.</p>
<p>I don’t think sweeping generalizations are helpful. It’s clear that there are many different points of view which are well-expressed in this thread. Personally, I feel that all points of view are valid, as long as the parties involved are satisfied with the situations that they are in and it works for all of them, why should it be anyone else’s business? I don’t feel it is appropriate for folks to judge others–folks do the best they can with the situations they are involved in.</p>
<p>For the life of me, I do not understand the insistence on ones kids living on their own, at any cost, regardless of the circumstances. And why is it that they have to get an apartment immediately after college at, say, age 22? Why cant they stay with their parents for a few months/years (whatever is appropriate and acceptable to all involved), save money, and have everyone mutually help each other out? Thats what FAMILY is for. Countless generations have done this, and guess what? - they still managed to become adults, learn to pay their own bills, raise families, etc., etc. This societal arrangement has not stunted the maturity of previous generations, so why should it now? (unless your kid is lying around doing nothing, of course). Are todays young adults so fundamentally different from the previous ones that we will doom them to parental dependency forever by allowing them back into our homes?</p>
<p>And as far as paying equal share of the expenses, many marries couples dont do that either. Quite often one spouse pays much more while the other takes care of the house or whatever. So why cant I accept work done by my kids around the house in lieu of some supposedly equal financial split? Frankly, Id rather that they mow the lawn or clean the toilets than give me money.</p>
<p>Theyre my kids, for goodness sake, not unrelated tenants. And one day, barring medical care that I absolutely cannot provide, Ill take my parents/in-laws in also. Because theyre family.</p>
<p>horsfeathers: No nonsense, well-said, balanced post.</p>
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<p>There is nothing wrong with that, but there are consequences to that and I’ve seen firsthand the consequences. Children get too dependent on their parents and never want to move out and before you know it they’re in their 30’s living at home. The reason I say it is dangerous because it is very important to be an independent person. It is important to learn how to be 100% responsible for your actions, be responsible for paying your bills on time, etc. </p>
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<p>You’re comparing married couples to you and your children?</p>
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<p>Bitter? No - I’m talking about reality. And yes, I have student debt - as do two-thirds of all American college students. I completed a dirt-cheap AA from a California community college while living at home and paying my own way through a part-time public relations job. I earned a BS from a cheap OOS public on an exchange program (WUE). No private loans, just plain old Staffords.</p>
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<p>If I thought my parents should be paying my loans, would I be making (small) payments even while they’re all deferred for grad school? Would I have worked a six-month AmeriCorps internship for peanuts and used the education award to knock $2,500 off my loans?</p>
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<p>You think I like taking handouts from my parents? I was completely broke and my mother threatened to fly from California to Indiana and personally pay my rent if I didn’t cash the check she sent me. It is awful and it sucks to be 28 and getting parental help. But my family is (relatively) well-off and she wants to help me succeed as long as I am working hard to advance my education and my career. If I was farting around on Xbox all day, sure, criticize my mom for feeding an addiction. Unfortunately for you, that’s not the reality.</p>
<p>I count myself extraordinarily lucky to have been appointed to a highly-selective federal student-to-career program (SCEP) that leads to permanent government employment after I graduate. Until then, every penny I save while working in the summers gets fed into living expenses and college bills, and I take every hour of overtime I can get. (Overtime plus holiday pay = textbook money.) In the academic year, I work part-time jobs copy-editing, writing press releases and grading papers… it still isn’t quite enough.</p>
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<p>The costs of education, living and housing have risen dramatically in the last 50-60 years - while wages have been stagnant and even falling for many sectors of the workforce. As I said, just try finding a middle-class job without a college degree - they basically don’t exist. Unemployment among young people is at levels unseen in decades. Social services have been slashed. Tuition for even public universities is increasing three or four times faster than inflation. Where the Pell Grant covered 69% of the cost of a public university in 1980, it now covers barely 34%.</p>
<p>But yeah, keep pretending everything’s the same.</p>
<p>PS: When I had the part-time job in motorsports PR five years ago, I made solid money, paid my own living expenses and racked up a ton of frequent-flyer miles. I used a bunch of those miles to book a week-long European vacation for my mother and I - from San Francisco to London and Paris in business class, the first time she’d ever flown in a premium cabin. Pay it forward. That’s how we roll - we’re family.</p>
<p>You know, a lot talk presumes that a college graduate can get a job in his or her field near his or her parents. Not everyone can, especially in our area. I fully expect S1, a sports broadcasting major, to leave as soon as he gets something. Part of his college savings is earmarked for “start-up” expenses after he graduates. S2, on the other hand, plans to major in secondary education. He’ll probably finish college, move back to our city, teach social studies at his alma mater, coach wrestling and be happy as a pig in $&*%. And he’ll probably live with us, at least for a while. Different kids, different dreams.</p>
<p>Nice dream. Here teaching jobs are as rare as hen’s teeth unless one teaches math or science. Maybe that is your S’s dream.</p>
<p>I wish him good luck. If my kids could have found work in the chosen fields they wouldn’t be going to grad school now. They would have saved to put themselves through grad school.</p>
<p>I see from your info that we’re apples and oranges, location-wise. Here, where only 15 percent of the population has even a bachelor’s degree, schools are terribly underserved and most teachers are teaching at least some classes outside their certification. S2 will never get rich, but he will have steady work and make good money by West Virginia standards. And if his grades are good enough, he might get some of his student loans forgiven, depending on where he teaches and for how long. Seriously, he could do a lot worse.</p>
<p>footballmom104: I think that is absolutely wonderful. I don’t think a child could do much better. I am so happy for him.</p>
<p>Yes, I have spent time in West Virginia and have a friend who was a teacher for many years. He now owns a steak restaurant.</p>
<p>I am NOT a snob, whatever other posters think. I think that is a great life. It just doesn’t come true for many people here.</p>
<p>My DD spent a year in NYC and a year in Atlanta with no real job offers to show. She has earned her living as a nanny. In Atlanta she could pay her own way, in NY not so much. And lest it appear she is a less than stellar candidate, she has an Ivy education. When she was a nanny she also had an internship on evenings and weekends working for Georgia Capital Defenders. She helped write a brief on a death penalty appeals case, so she does have an impressive skill set.</p>
<p>I have to tell myself it’s karma’s way of sending her to grad school or I’d be more depressed for her.</p>
<p>Her BF has only gotten one interview to each math at the junior high/high school level, and it’s at a school in NYC that specializes in teaching blind students. He graduated with a masters in teaching in December and has blanketed the world with resumes.</p>
<p>He tutors full-time and makes about what she does as a nanny (she works more hours, though he works all the hours his company gives him), and he lives at his house too.</p>
<p>I would so prefer if either of them had their own place. Two 25 year-olds really need their own space to conduct a relationship. I could kick her out; I’d rather help.</p>
<p>She has already been to her program to meet with advisors to line up an editing job or anything else she can do for her department while she takes classes.</p>
<p>Talking about our kids moving in with us…what about US moving back in with OUR parents? I can picture a scenario where my husband will move back in with his parents, especially if things don’t go well with me with my cancer. He wants to. He wants to take care of them when they get old. Same with my sister. My mom just turned 90, and my sister just turned 60. She talks about selling her house in Oregon and moving back in with our parents in California. We (the other sisters) would all be so grateful if she did. This is the true meaning of family- taking care of each other in hard times.</p>
<p>tpt-</p>
<p>So sorry to hear of your health challenges. Thoughts and prayers are with you.</p>
<p>I have no idea why some are being unnecessarily argumentative and confrontational here. It makes no difference whether a young adult is paying their share of rent/utilities in a house, apartment or lean-to for heavens sake. To focus on minutae such as whether the person pays taxes or not is irrelevant and seems to be queried merely for the purpose of debate. Whether or not a landlord builds in all his costs plus profit into his rent is not the issue here. </p>
<p>My s’s did not want to have to come back home to live after college, and fortunately they do not have to. But if they did we would welcome them with open arms, albeit with some expectations that they help with chores, etc. and that they actively look for employment. When they have been home for breaks, and when younger s was here for a few weeks before living at a frat last summer, we asked him to help with chores and to have the courtesy of letting us know if he would be home at night or not. We parents worry, whether our kids are 2 or 22. We didn’t ask him to contribute to household expenses, but we didn’t give him spending money either. He did have a part time internship while also taking classes, and he was not dependent on us for spending money. He paid for his own gas and incidentals. </p>
<p>If our s’s were slackers and basement dwellars who showed no interest in getting off the family dime, we would have handled things differently. But if they needed a temporary landing pad while they got ready to launch, our door is always open.</p>
<p>We have friends whose kids have struggled academically and emotionally. It is painful to watch them struggle with decisions as to whether or not to let their sometimes fragile young adult kids stay with them or to exercise tough love and say no when they have failed to follow rules/expectations. This is a very difficult and painful decision for parents. It is probably difficult for some who are not yet parents to understand.</p>
<p>^^^^Yes, and we do lose independence and the freedom to “do our thing”, but we gain the satisfaction of people people with compassion and integrity and the joys of intimacy. It’s always a trade off.</p>
<p>My single women friends think my life with my H is too stressful, and since I’m the major bread winner they wonder that I don’t just chuck him, but we’ve been a family for 26 years. </p>
<p>Other people are always challenging, but we grow from those challenges.</p>
<p>I do agree that this generation of kids is enjoying their parents’ comfortable house more than the rat trap apartments we chose, but I married too young to afford a place. When my ex left (first H) my mom said, “don’t think you’re moving back here.” I did grow up fast, but it was also extremely hurtful. I don’t have an intimate relationship with my mom, just a polite, ceremonial one.</p>
<p>She also let her father live alone until he died at 100.</p>
<p>I don’t want to be that selfish and narcissistic. I’ve seen firsthand the damage it can do.</p>
<p>Here is the NYTimes article I mentioned:</p>
<p>NYTimes: You Can Go Home Again</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/31/opinion/the-parent-trap.html[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/31/opinion/the-parent-trap.html</a></p>
<p>In one way or another I agree with everyone posting here. There are so many variables in this tough economy that judging the choices of others makes no sense whatsoever.
D is a performing artist, living in a fatally hip part of town, with a fellow artist in a tiny tiny rat trap, only twenty minutes from my house and paying twice what my mortgage payment is. I think she is nuts. But I do remember that I was nuts at that age. (well I am now too…but in a different way)
What I have come to understand is that in order for her to be successful she needs to be close to where the action is. And strangely enough that twenty minute drive that separates suburbia from the city does make a huge difference. She is fully booked and also has the luxury of turning down work. She is living with another successful musician, so socially she is constantly “in the mix”. There is a huge difference between hanging out with friends via social media and socializing with fellow artists in the same room. Also she makes half of her income from teaching privately, so she needs to be near her students. Her hard work and talent enabled her to get her MM without debt, so that’s not an issue.</p>
<p>I still wish she lived at home.</p>