<p>have you considered rushing/pledging a frat? My high school counselor wasn't doing great socially when he went to Cal. He decided to try rushing the frats, and he eventually pledged to one, and found his niche with his frat brothers. Look at a more...academic frat (SigEp comes to mind) or shop around for one that balances your interests. I'm not in a frat, but I could definately see where I would want to join one to meet with people. Clubs are great too, try and join some club and go to as many activities as you can (if you enjoy it). Have fun bro, you're in a great place, don't let them get u down.</p>
<p>I think I've fallen into some sort of miserable mood. My default expression is now a frown, and I think that makes me unapproachable. But at the same time I feel do I need to be faking a smile to hide my current emotions when in fact I am not happy? gah..</p>
<p>do you guys know how discouraging it is for upcoming freshmen to read the Berkeley forum? this has to be the third place where i read about Berkley being an alienating and unhappy environment. i live in KY right now but dream of going to California. (i wanted to live in Cali before i came to America too. since i was little i associated the place w/ its translation the "golden mountain." is it really that bad to study at Berkeley? do you have forcibly stretch yourself to find a social group? i have a friend who attends Berkeley right now and apparently loves it. but at the same time, i hear so many negative stories about it, so i'm having conflicting thoughts.</p>
<p>Well a few problems with Cal is 1) there are some kids who are really focused completely on studies and are not very social or 2) Cal is a big feeder school for hs's in California so alot of kids go into Cal already having a few friends and having their "niche". So its not so much ppl being unfriendly its there are those scenarios. however, im sure most of cal is filled with friendly, outgoing ppl and it requires you to just make the first move to intorduce yourself.</p>
<p>well i would say my shyness is getting in the way of meeting new people and making last friendships. i'm trying really hard to change.</p>
<p>it's not like in high school where i always hung out with the same people, but now i seem to have trouble opening up to new people i meet.</p>
<p>so what is more sad is that i know what's my problem, and at the same time it's just hard for me to change that fast.</p>
<p>firax,</p>
<p>Knowing your problem and being willing to address it is no small feat. You're moving in the right direction.</p>
<p>sakura, I'm a Cal alumnus and I can unequivocally state that my years at Cal were the most socially stimulating in my life. The Cal experience for me was amazing. More than a decade after I finished grad school at Cal, I realize that I have met the majority of my closest friends through my alma mater.</p>
<p>firax, I would rate my social life at Cal as a freshman no better than a B- (in good part because I didn't get a spot in the dorms and lived in a studio off-campus), it scaled up gradually to an A+ by my junior year and stayed there until graduation. My grades took the opposite path... ;) Hang in there.</p>
<p>firax, i just want to say 'hang in there' as well. and if you really do feel so miserable, consider making an appointment with a therapist at the Tang Center (you'd be surprised at the number of students who use the Counseling Services). I didn't last year until it was too late and I had already wasted my entire spring 2006 semester. </p>
<p>I don't know if this will help you, but my spring 2006 semester was probably the worst four months of my life. I spent summer recouping and rethinking everything, and my fall was pretty good. Not amazing, not perfect, but good.</p>
<p>Sakura, i just want to reiterate what CalX was saying. Cal is definetly one of the most social and friendly campuses i can think of. I have not heard of anyone who cannot find friends here at Cal except for a few times on this board. I think that is primarily because the ppl who go on CC tend to be less social and more of....computer nerds. Do not let this site deter you. Cal has the best social environment of any campus i visited, by far.</p>
<p>definately sakura, this place is awesome, I've made better friends in the...4.5 months i've been here than through all of high school. It just takes a bit more effort at times because you're not always in the same classes or doing the same things, but you can still have great friends.
Firax, again, look into rushing, go to some events, i know there's something cool at acacia tonight, and also alpha sigma phi. Also,...one thing i did that really got me close to people, is eating dinner every night. I usually spend an hour talking/eating at dinner with my close friends, something we started doing at the begining of the semester (last sem) and that has kept up. Creates like a little family. But dood, ull be fine, just gamble a bit, throw urself out there.</p>
<p>Play WoW.</p>
<p>No really.</p>
<p>merper68,</p>
<p>NOOOOO. WoW is the forbidden fruit!</p>
<p>Well, okay...I can't say no since I do play.</p>
<p>If you decide to play WoW, log onto Black Dragonflight and send a tell to Gorlim. He's a super leet dwarf hunter who'll show you the ropes.</p>
<p>lol,...not this crap again...there's a dood on my floor, plays that crap 23 hours a day. swear to god, he's developing cataracts. Got the droopiest eyes and more baggage under them than an annorexic chick.
WoW eats your soul, do something more nefarious at least.</p>
<p>Hey, I play WoW and manage to live a normal life.</p>
<p>It might be strange to think, but so many of the happy people at Cal have better things to do with their times than post on cc. Crazy, ain't it?</p>
<p>It's not easy meeting people, and you are not alone. You should put a good deal of time each week trying to do things which will lead you to meeting people.</p>
<p>Have you joined clubs related to what interests you, whatever you feel strong about? A political party or issue, an academic subject, a hobby? Perhaps some clubs are filled with people with whom you identify? Have you looked into clubs that are for something you've never really experienced but think you might be interested in? Maybe writing for the Daily Cal, trying out for the debate team or for mock trial- there are so many clubs. </p>
<p>Also, psychological studies have shown that one's facial expression influence's how one feels. So, smiling may just make you happier. Ask dobby for ellaboration on the concept.</p>
<p>Are you doing what you can to be heallthy (which will lead to you being happier)? Exercising (endorphins)? Eating and sleeping fairly well?<br>
You might want to talk to your health worker and a peer counselor. Once you meet enough people you'll find those you'd like to spend more time with, or you will naturally spend more time with them. Find those things that interest you regardless of the involvement of other people- do what you like. Friends will come along eventually. </p>
<p>Berkeley, like everyplace else, isn't for everyone. I don't think every single student would be happy at any single school. It is possible that Berkeley just isn't the school for you, in which case you might consider transferring. As to any new place, consider all of the possible advantages and disadvantages of moving. Consider that you might suffer from the same problem at the new school.</p>
<p>Relax and just try to be happy on your own. Work towards meeting people, but do whatever you can to hinge your happiness on something other than other people.</p>
<p>how much time do you guys spend studying and hanging out with friends? also, i have another question. i heard that some housing at Berkeley are ethnically divided. how does that work?</p>
<p>i'm a poli sci major, it may be different for other people, but i spend plenty of time with my friends. I'd say i spend about....3-4 hrs a day studying, and then there's class...and some auxilliary things (clubs and w/e), but the rest of the time i'll be kicking it with friends. there's always parties on weekends, so that's cool.
On ethnic housing, there's an african american theme housing place and an east asian one too. also the lgbt one, and a substance free dorm,...that's about all the ethnic/theme housing we got. There's also a fee coops that are ethnic themed (and lgbt).</p>
<p>I think most people spend 1-3 hrs of the number of unit taken studying each week. I study a lot and still manage plenty of time for a social life.
One thing true is I've not come across many unfriendly people at Cal. It has been real easy to make friends and have fun. It's just a matter of getting out and being a part of it all.</p>
<p>For anyone that's feeling a little lost at Cal, the Counseling services has a "Transition Group" which meets once a week at the Tang Center. Call the counseling office and ask them about it.</p>
<p>Ok clarification.</p>
<p>I definitely have friends, but not to the point that I found a group that I could lean back on-a core group of friends. </p>
<p>The problem for me is that I don't seem to be able to develop deep friendships at Cal.</p>
<p>I blame myself. I wish I was more outgoing; I want to change but it's difficult, and I feel rather depressed because I can't accept who I am at this point: I get quiet when I meet new people, but with people I feel comfortable with I'm not like that (high school friends). I wish there was something I could do so I could "click" and change.</p>