<p>I am applying to Exeter, Deerfield, and Andover. Although, the rank of these school on the boarding school list is debated about, please do not discuss that on this thread. I am going to be a 10th grader next year and I was wondering what the stress at these schools is like? Is is way more stress than normal school? Or, is the stress manageable if you organize well? Stress includes academic, athletic, and extracurricular stress. I hear people often talking about how 7 hours of sleep a night is a lot for boarding school students. What is our take on this?</p>
<p>I think this is different for every student. My d came from being #2 in her high school to DA. I have watched and discussed over the last 3 weeks how she is transitioning into bs life. She admits it is a lot to get accustomed to, very different from school life and home life. </p>
<p>We discussed before, during and after deciding on bs that the level would be tougher. Most students would be at least as smart/prepared if not smarter/more prepared than she. She admits that classes are tough, more focused and the teachers make students more accountable, (all things she wanted from an education). She is surely working harder, but is not stressed like we thought she might be. </p>
<p>If you are very focused and good with time management (my d is because she was homeschooled), you will be fine. She admits may students are struggling and stressed. My d knows she is expected to do her very best. Good grades are great, but not an end all to bs, high school or life. Is she getting all A’s no way. Is she working towards doing better, yes. Does she have challenges that she has never seen before–surely.</p>
<p>I say all this to say, most of the time I think stress is self induced or induced my parents. I think a lot of stress could be reduced if parents/kids are honest about a student doing their best.</p>
<p>As a second year student my d is in bed sleeping by 11p and up about 7:30a, class by 830a. Keep in mind this is compared bed after midnite, up at 530, class by 830a (almost a 2 hour commute). She is resting better and working better.</p>
<p>I hope this helps :-)…Good Luck</p>
<p>Yes, I think that many, many boarding school students feel stress. I know mine does (and he didn’t expect it really)–even though he’s getting plenty of sleep, doing well in his classes, managing his workload well, making friends etc. He feels stress because it’s a lot of work–one test and paper after another; demanding, challenging teachers; long work days/weeks; athletics that push him physically, etc. And it’s hard to be away from home when you’re 15–the further you are away from home and the closer your family ties, the harder it is. I don’t want to downplay the stress. My kid communicates openly with us about it with us, but I know that others feel it and stuff it. </p>
<p>However…I don’t see stress as a bad thing necessarily. Some of it comes from adjusting to a new life. Some stress is a natural part of growth. So, maybe the question is less, is boarding school stressful (yes!) and more, is the stress worth it.</p>
<p>For some people–with Pulsar as their talking head (and I mean that affectionately Pulsar)–the answer is no. For others, the answer is yes. But it is helpful, I think, to go into this process with your eyes open, understanding that bs is not the Elysian Fields. There are always trade-offs.</p>
<p>Yes, lots of stress. My son goes through a bottle of tums every semester. He just let me know that he (once again) threw up this morning. This happens pretty frequently. Headaches, too. Just lots of work…lots of reading and papers every week along with tests, homework, varsity athletics, peer tutoring, leadership activities, very high self-expectations, etc. Add that to college-crunch time, sports recruiting, ACT’s SATI’s, SATII’s, AP’s and…you get the picture. I think college will be much easier than bs (he is a senior and many of is friends who are now at top colleges and universities tell him they were more than prepared, so I suppose it is worth it).</p>
<p>“Truth is stranger than fiction.” :D</p>
<p>Stress is present at all top tier boarding schools…You should also consider that stress does not depend on the boarding school. Stress is a factor of the student. If the student is taking all honors or AP courses, or is taking an extra course, there will be more work. If the student is very involved in extracurriculars then of course, more stress. BUT, it all comes down to time management and a lot of times, simple judgement.</p>
<p>I.e. example, at Middlesex, Can you take an extra course or ap course, play varsity baseball 2hrsday, play a lead role in the school play2hrsday, and be very involved in activities1-3hrs/day all at the same time? And still do well in your classes? YES. Boarding schools, especially those of the top tier, give you the freedom to choose. BUT - here’s the question? Can YOU actually do that and get sleep? For me, no, for others, i dont know…it depends on YOU. …NOT the school. do not pick andover, exeter, or deerfield over eachother because you think that have different stress levels, they dont.</p>
<p>I agree with aw6 that there’s stress at all good BSs and it is a function of the amount of work, high expectations from teachers and students, and the students themselves. However, schools do have different cultures and attract different students. Some stress more cooperation among students, some turn a blind eye (and may even promote) dog-eat-dog. This is another thing to look at closely.</p>
<p>My son feels under a lot of stress at his new BS, but it’s not coming from his parents. We made it clear we want to help in any way he or his school suggests. He puts a lot of pressure on himself and then as all have mentioned there are only 24 h in a day, with sports, academics, friends and ECs all vying for time.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I truly believe that high school in general (whether it be ps or private day or bs), will be stressful, if you’re working hard and playing sports and trying to get into college that is both a good fit and has a good reputation. </p>
<p>Before my son started BS, we were at a family gathering and I suggested to my son that he pick some brains and go around to the matriarchs and patriarchs of the extended family and solicit “advice for a young person just starting out.”</p>
<p>It actually was a lot of fun given the range of suggestions,from my own being “take time to stop and smell the roses.” It was clear that a lot of the advice centered on hard work, without giving too much away that I want to remain private, a lot suggested that it was a stressful time of life. We had a saying in internship that “if it wasn’t the worst year of your life, you were doing something wrong,” meaning that sure internship which requires being on call every third night and up all night was stressful as all getup, but by the end of that year, there wasn’t a medical situation or emergency you felt you couldn’t handle. That sure it was stressful, but oh the rewards!</p>
<p>Headaches and throwing up seems serious. I get what someone said about choosing a school based on the stress level and that no matter if you go to public school or bs, high school is stressful. Although, those ideas were already planted in my head even though it may not seem like it my question. I guess I heard so much about the ridiculous and not manageable stress that comes with the top tier boarding schools that I wanted to know what I was getting into before really getting deep into applying. For all the parents that replied, my parents are worried about allowing me to go to school because I won’t have any family/parental support at school, and the stress maybe too much to take. However, I also heard that the support that comes from teachers is extraordinary, even though it does not match family support. For any top tier BS kids, what is a typical night’s homework for you? I know this varies with classes and teachers, but I just want to get a general idea.</p>
<p>studen: You’re asking good questions. My son has received great support, not just from his adviser, but from dorm parents and the student proctors (seniors in leadership in the dorm). I really like this as I think a gradual shift away from your parents is a natural part of adolescence, and I’m glad to know there’s such a strong, reliable, ethically good net under him. My son’s adviser stays in touch with us too, which makes for a strong connection and, perhaps, even better support than he’d get at home since it is so multi-pronged.</p>
<p>We’ve also continued to support him though…technology makes all kinds of communication possible, and it’s fun to check in and chat during the day…in some ways, I think distance has improved how we communicate and made us closer. But you’re exactly right–missing that constant parental presence came as a big shock, probably because my kid is very independent. I think he didn’t realize how much he liked just having us there in the background! Anyway, tell your parents that it isn’t all or nothing, though it is different–and yes, very hard in many ways.</p>
<p>If my son were throwing up before class on some sort of quasi-regular basis, or suffering ongoing headaches etc, I would conclude that it was a student / school mismatch. There is a line that gets crossed somewhere between crazy, hectic days and occasional meltdowns and being physically sick with anxiety on a regular basis. </p>
<p>However you measure the stress when considering boarding schools, don’t put yourself in an environment where you can’t achieve sufficient personal balance to stay at least minimally healthy and generally happy.</p>
<p>Many people here on CC like Exie say that BSs only admit students that can do the work. Where is all this stress coming from other than missing home? Are the BSs admitting unqualified students that can’t handle the work?</p>
<p>Stress in high school is not new or unique to boarding school.</p>
<p>Race to Nowhere’ film highlights stress students face in high-pressure academics.</p>
<p>[‘Race</a> to Nowhere’ film highlights stress students face in high-pressure academics](<a href=“http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/07/AR2010100702713_2.html?hpid=topnews&sid=ST2010100702813]'Race”>http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/10/07/AR2010100702713_2.html?hpid=topnews&sid=ST2010100702813)</p>
<p>My son has been a freshman day student for a month, he comes home in the evening around 8-9, plays computer game for a hour and go to bed @10pm. I don’t see much stress, not yet.</p>
<p>Throwing up seems extreme to me…but I have a friend with a daughter in ps who’s a star athlete, and throws up before nearly every meet, can’t sleep at night before tests, etc. He says he has the same reaction to stressful situations. According to him (he’s an MD), stress is something we all experience, and we cannot control the way our bodies react to it–some reactions are simply more physically extreme than others–probably genetic. We can learn, he says, over time, to better manage stress–but what may be a sign of trouble for one kid may simply be the norm for another.</p>
<p>My S is in PS and my D is in BS. I’ll contribute my 2 cents.
S did not like BS idea at all. He enjoyed hanging out with family and friends during weekends and working very hard by taking 8 courses (all honors and APs and sacrifice his lunch period) during weekdays. D did not like her PS because she spent 1 hour of bus trip each way to school and she already had her career path in her mind and don’t think PS would be challenged enough.</p>
<p>Both of them have great pressure under their shoulders. I don’t think it came from parents. I would say it came from peers.
In order to get into good college, S has to keep in a leading group ( around 50 ). Students in this small circle group compete each other. Some are good friends. some don’t like each other.
BS pressure is different. Every student in BS is selected and they united together and help each other most of time. The whole class is a leading group. Each student has chances to get in good colleges because of academic/ECs/athletes. The students know each other and don’t want to be behind in class. Almost every student in BS is working hard and stressful. An example is if you fell behind in first or second test in BS. you might be asked to switch to lower level class. I don’t think this will be happened at PS.</p>
<p>Def. not a school mismatch. He is a senior and absolutely loves the place (he wanted to reclass!) He has always been type A and tends to put a lot on himself. It’s not like he’s sick to his stomach/has headaches all the time, but it does coincide with periods of extreme stress. Fall semester, senior year can be an extra-stressful time.</p>
<p>Keylyme, when I hear, “headaches and throwing up,” I don’t think “too much stress.” I think, migraine. I found this great list of migraine triggers from the health service at UC Berkeley: <a href=“http://uhs.berkeley.edu/home/healthtopics/pdf/triggers.pdf[/url]”>Health Topics | University Health Services. Many of the triggers can be avoided by lifestyle changes. </p>
<p>He should keep a headache diary, in which he records the dates of his headaches, and everything he did and ate for 2 - 3 days before the headache. He should also record the weather conditions, 3 days before and 3 days after the headache.</p>
<p>A regular sleep schedule can help. It is better to get up at 6 on weekends, rather than sleeping in. For a migraineur, it’s best to go to bed and get up at the same time every day. As the Berkeley document lists, “Napping, oversleeping, too little sleep” can be triggers.</p>
<p>Food is a trigger, too, but if he figures out what triggers his migraines, he can avoid the worst offenders. Chocolate, caffeine, preserved meats, and cheeses are common triggers. </p>
<p>You can’t control the weather, but if he’s having barometric migraines, he can decide to take headache medication before the headache starts. Stopping a migraine as quickly as possible is important. [Barometric</a> Pressure Chnages - Migraines Often Triggered By Change In the Weather. from About Headaches and Migraine](<a href=“http://headaches.about.com/od/triggers/a/ahs_weath_trig.htm]Barometric”>How Weather May Trigger Headaches)</p>
<p>How Exonians handle stress?
[Gallery</a> New 2.0](<a href=“http://www.exeter.edu/comm/19710.htm#id=album-147293&num=9]Gallery”>http://www.exeter.edu/comm/19710.htm#id=album-147293&num=9)</p>
<p>High school is stressful for ambitious students in the U.S., in both public and private schools. Both of the following books followed students in public high schools, and I wouldn’t have said that the students had no stress. I think this site tends to have the illusion that staying at one’s local public school would be easier and less stressful. That’s not necessarily true, particularly for students who have big plans for their lives.</p>
<p>The Overachievers: The Secret Lives of Driven Kids</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/06/books/review/Allen.html[/url]”>http://www.nytimes.com/2006/08/06/books/review/Allen.html</a></p>
<p>Doing School: How We are Creating a Generation of Stressed Out, Materialistic and Miseducated Students</p>
<p>[Doing</a> School: How We Are Creating a … - Google Books](<a href=“"Doing School": How We are Creating a Generation of Stressed Out ... - Denise Clark Pope - Google Books”>"Doing School": How We are Creating a Generation of Stressed Out ... - Denise Clark Pope - Google Books)</p>