<p>I agree with NJSue. I may not have gotten the gist of the whole thread, but without extenuating circumstances like illness/finances, the compelling arguments are on the side of broadening the horizons during college.</p>
<p>I agree that under “normal” circumstances every child should have the opportunity to go away to college. In my town the only kids that did not go away were the ones who were not really college material. I can only speak from my experience living here. My daughter would have felt like a complete failure had she decided to stay home to attend college. The only thing that made returning home, for her, a less than horrible situation was the fact that the economy crapped out, and other parents must have also told their less than stellar college kids that they were not paying the $45 to $50,000 a year tuition. </p>
<p>As for “losing the provincialism”… I think if all the pieces are in place than going away is a gift both financially, and personally, but it is just that, a gift. There are many more areas in this country where going away to school just isn’t happening and I think that is called opening up ones mind to the world around us. My daughter came home from school at her CC and said “I can’t believe how many different types of people I am meeting here”. To this I replied “didn’t you meet them at your school last year”? She looked at me like I was crazy and said mom the people at my school were pretty much white, upper middle class to upper class kids, and there certainly weren’t any moms that were going to school. My daughter has really enjoyed the diversity of the CC in terms of race, religion, age, and socio economic background. The school she was attending for $48.000 a year could not offer her that. I would say she might not be so “provincial” with these experiences. </p>
<p>Personal growth comes in many ways and I hope that the air of superiority is not being considered growth. A person is not more or less provincial because of the college they are attending. If they have that trait than college is not going to “fix it”.</p>
<p>I am 71 and 54 years ago I was not allowed to go away to college. I lived at home and endured 4 more years of hs at the local municipal university. I got a lousy education and will carry my resentment and anger to my grave, barring a miracle. My dad’s been gone 31 years and mother 21. He was a physician, she a former school teacher. I will never understand why I didn’t get my chance, and it still hurts. They gave my 7 years younger sister that chance, and she and I have completely different outlooks on our upbringing, which has been a huge wedge driving us away from a close relationship.</p>
<p>There are some kids who are much better off staying at home and commuting to college. They have a much better chance of completing college and not getting into trouble taking this route.</p>
<p>On the other hand, it is an opening, a time to check out other settings, take some chances, get out of the area and see other ways of life, and making them part of yours. I have a friend who was accepted to a number of top colleges, but chose to stay home and commute to a local college that offered her full tuition, books, plus other expenses covered and included summer research opportunities as well as her masters. She took it. She is a successful high school teacher now, but she has never left this area except for vacations. She finished college here, got her masters, found work and got married all within a few miles of her childhood home. Now in her forties, she wishes she had lived elsewhere for a while. There just was no real opening for her after high school, as things just rolled along locally. She wants something different for her son.</p>
<p>Most people go to college within a short distance of where their family home is. Going out of state or living at a college is still a luxury for most students and families. It’s expensive. Unless you get enough financial aid or scholarships, it’s not doable for most people. So going away for college is still a opportunity for those who get this privilege.</p>
<p>I really believe the majority of ones college education occurs outside of academics and the classroom. It’s a life maturing experience that some who do go away squander. And I understand that many people cannot afford the luxury of “going away”, but that does not alter what I see is a fact.</p>
<p>My mom thinks ‘going away’ is a necessity. So does my Aunt (she wants all four of her kids to go out of state if at all possible). It’s just simply better- scholarships/merit aid/gov’t aid is available everywhere, and going away forces us to be independent and experience something new.</p>
<p>For a lot of kids, this is the first time we get to ‘go out’ in the world alone. I’ve been to more places than the average fellow HS kid has in my town, but even still, I haven’t had the chance to be on my own for more than a week or two. For a parent, I’m sure the prospect of letting kids alone is scary, but if you ask mine, it’s more about kicking off the training wheels.</p>
<p>Yawaca, At age 71, there still is time to put aside resentments and remove the wedge you say is between you and your sister.</p>
<p>FWIW, I went away (an eight hour drive) to college, and, while I have a very good college experience (socially, academically, research-wise, experience-wise, etc), and was a great deal financially, I sometimes think I should have given more consideration to the hometown LAC I applied to, even though it would have cost $30-35k more over the four years. Travel time to and from my school wasn’t something I really thought about when picking my school. OTOH, I did love my experience at my OOS state school.</p>
<p>IMO, I don’t think someone has to go far to go away, KWIM?</p>
<p>Just a couple hours is enough so that there is a buffer and the “kid” has to learn to stand on his own two feet.</p>
<p>I am glad my three that have left for college were far enough away that they could experience college life on their own, but close enough so that when there were emergencies (and they do happen) I could get there in less than a day.</p>
<p>They gave my 7 years younger sister that chance, and she and I have completely different outlooks on our upbringing, which has been a huge wedge driving us away from a close relationship.</p>
<p>I understand that you’re upset at your parents, but why let it interfere with your relationship with your sister? </p>
<p>I am the oldest daughter of 7 children. My parents (dad Italian and mom French) had some very old-fashioned ideas about what I should be allowed to do. After I was an adult, I fought FOR my younger sisters, so that they (6 and 8 years younger) would NOT have the same restrictions that I did. </p>
<p>My sisters are forever grateful and always thank me for that. I’m GLAD that they didn’t have to endure some of my parents’ strict rules. That would not have made me happy. I’m happy that they had things easier than I did. Being jealous or resentful would’ve gained me nothing.</p>
<p>It’s just simply better- scholarships/merit aid/gov’t aid is available everywhere,</p>
<p>While such things are available for those who qualify (high stats or low EFC), they’re not available for most people.</p>
<p>I’m an international student and will be studying in the USA or Canada. I grew up in Latin America but my parents are originally from China, where family ties are very strong and everybody honors their elders and take care of them as gratitude of their effort on raising them.</p>
<p>My parents left poor Communist China in search for a better future for upcoming generations (AKA my systers, cousins and me). I know it must have been a very hard step for my parents and grandparents since it was not the norm, but my parents worked -and still work- very hard away from their home so that now the family lives comfortably. My grandparents receive money from my parents every year and we visit them every couple years. In fact, my grandparents are very known in their village because they have a beautiful house and well-mannered grandchildren coming from overseas to visit them every now and then.</p>
<p>Based on my family history, I say that every parent should allow their children to search for the pot of gold no matter where the rainbow is. I will take the next step in my family by being first-generation university student and will work hard to make my parents proud. I am very glad that my parents raised me encouraging personal growth and to always look for a brighter future. I hope all parents do the same and support their children in whatever they do looking for a great future.</p>
<p>Seems anti climactic to post after Andrewheat"s great post!</p>
<p>I do want to say I haven"t read through the whole thread, but I had one thought as I read through the first few pages, and as I get ready to see the last of my children launch out of HS. So IMHO: The OP has 3.5 wonderful years left of enjoying this son at home and watching and nurturing growth; of reinforcing family values and making home someplace he will always want to return to no matter where he goes. Take the time now and love the kid you have with you, deal with this issue when it becomes an issue.</p>
<p>Andrewheat, that was a beautiful post.</p>
<p>Some cultures stress collectivism, others are individualistic.</p>
<p>I agree with Yawaca. I was not allowed to go away to college in 1980 either. I did live in my sorority house for a while, but it just wasn’t the same - my dad drove by there at least once a day and if my car wasn’t there (or was there, depending on the situation) I definitely got a phone call. Going away and learning to get along on one’s own, negotiatiing and solving one’s own problems, is as much a part of one’s education as English 101. My older DS is a senior in high school and he’s going away if I have to work three jobs to make it happen.</p>
<p>“I am 71 and 54 years ago I was not allowed to go away to college. I lived at home and endured 4 more years of hs at the local municipal university. I got a lousy education and will carry my resentment and anger to my grave, barring a miracle. My dad’s been gone 31 years and mother 21. He was a physician, she a former school teacher. I will never understand why I didn’t get my chance, and it still hurts. They gave my 7 years younger sister that chance, and she and I have completely different outlooks on our upbringing, which has been a huge wedge driving us away from a close relationship.”</p>
<p>It’s unfortunate and very understandably painful that your parents treated you differently than they did your sister. However, you’ve had the bulk of your life to overcome the results of your parents not allowing you to go away to college.</p>
<p>You’ve been an adult for more than 50 years, and could have chosen options that would have afforded you the opportunity to have the kind of fulfillment you desired. Your hanging on to bitterness and resentment is hurting you far more than what your parents did.</p>
<p>In fact, given that so many people of your generation got no parental support to go to college at all, you could have chosen to have been appreciative instead of angry and bitter. Even though you didn’t get to go away, you still got options that most people of your generation – including most smart people of your generation --particularly women of your generation – did not have.</p>
<p>“Religious leaders have long hailed forgiveness as an act of virtue. Now, some researchers are claiming that, in addition to improving your spiritual health, forgiveness may have benefits for your physical health, too.”
[Studies</a> Suggest Forgiveness Has Health Benefits : NPR](<a href=“http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=17785209]Studies”>Studies Suggest Forgiveness Has Health Benefits : NPR)</p>
<p>The decision to go away to college or to stay near home should be a joint decision between the parent and each child, based on the wishes and personality of that child. </p>
<p>My older son was very independent and wanted to go away to college. He ended up at McGill University in Canada. We basically would talk once a week on the phone and he would come home at Christmas and for a couple of weeks in the summer. After college he worked in New York and Paris. His mother and I got to spend wonderful vacations with him, staying at his Paris apartment and avoiding astronomical hotel prices. Two years ago he changed jobs and returned to Boston and lives a few miles from us and we can visit our new twin grandsons! The job he has now would not likely be available to him if he had not gained international experience. He is not the same person who left home at 18. He is a much different and better person for having lived elsewhere. He ultimately returned to Boston. But he chose to return home after 13 years. </p>
<p>My younger son, 2 years younger, was not very independent. As a kid, he would call us from Boy Scout camp asking us to come get him, he was homesick. He would sleep through his alarm and we would sometimes literally have to pull him out of bed in the morning to get him ready for high school. We jointly decided that he would go to college locally in the Boston area (good location for that option). He went to Boston University but lived on campus. We discovered what being helicopter parents was like!!! He was never in “trouble” but he needed asssitance and reminders, someone looking over his shoulder, etc etc. He knew that if his GPA was bad, we would require him to move back home and commute to school. He graduated and lives nearby today.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Although both my kids went away to college, and I think it was a good experience for all of them, I don’t think it should be regarded as a necessity in all cases. If the student wants to commute to a local college, or if the family finances are such that alternatives to commuting would mean going heavily into debt, commuting might be a good choice.</p>
<p>As for going out of state, I don’t think that is a necessity at all. For many students, a college in their own state university system is a frugal choice that meets their academic needs. Why discourage it?</p>
<p>I know many young people who attend our flagship. Most of them live within 45 minutes of campus. They go home about as often as my S who lives nine hours away.</p>