Student in need of help

<p>rip - you say 'either way, someone will be dissappointed.' It's not your job to please your parents.</p>

<p>I think the 'disown' threat is idle, but it may not be, and your relationship with your father may take a long time to heal should you decide to break the grip of his control now. Nonetheless, any extra you pay in tuition now you may save in therapy payments later. :) I agree with cheers's thoughtful posts.</p>

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<p>OhMother - why is his father afraid to let his mother have any say in the decision?</p>

<p>jlauer95: i think the problem is more that he doesnt trust me. we did not get any money from fafsa or cal grant and our efc was around $26,000. so we will not be getting any help other than individual scholarships.</p>

<p>ohmother:
"why is your father afraid you're going to screw up if you go away to college?"
to be quite honest with you, i have absolutley no clue. i have never smoked cigarettes or done drugs. I almost never drink. I have never done anything that involved cops. I have never been suspended or expelled. i think that i am a good kid.</p>

<p>Well then, if the issue is control, it is not going to be solved by living at home and going to school. Likely it will only worsen as your relationship will still be full of tension. You'll be resentful and 18 aching to be independent, he'll be trying to hold you in place. Letting go should be a gradual process of your parents allowing you to make decisions with more and more responsibility given to you and less and less taken by the parents. In most parent/child relationships (healthy ones) the apron strings kind of fray away gradually, but sounds like yours might require a clean cut. You need to CAREFULLY weigh the consequences if you decide to buck your Dad. Folks are telling you that he won't disown you, but only you can be the judge. I'm sure if he didn't love you, he wouldn't care if you wanted to move out and pay your own way. Wish there was an easy fix for you......my prayer is that your father can start to recognize you as the responsible young man you are becoming.</p>

<p>UCI can't possibly cost $16K if you are living at home.</p>

<p>UCI costs about $7500 which includes "tuition/fees" and books for in-state students</p>

<p>theripcurl: </p>

<p>Since your EFC is so high, you won't be able to get the FA loans, etc by yourself to pay for college yourself. (others, I think this is right, if not please correct.)</p>

<p>I think that your dad doesn't want to pay the money for tuition AND r & b and risk that you will waste the money by partying and dropping out.</p>

<p>If you don't "party" or act irresponsibly now, why would he think that you will acti irresponsibly when you go away to school?</p>

<p>theripcurl:
Is there any way your dad would allow you to live on campus at UCI? If all else fails with UCSD, this could be a compromise. Living on campus would make a huge difference in your college experience if you are forced to go to UCI. My kids have friends who commuted to UCI and found it very difficult to meet people there because freshman classes are usually pretty huge. There are studies showing students do much better academically if they live on campus. Here is a link to a UCI housing page. Scroll down and it lists some benefits of living on campus: <a href="http://www.admissions.uci.edu/2003_04_transfer_housing.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.admissions.uci.edu/2003_04_transfer_housing.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Here is a link to the UCI "stay over program" which allows students who have been accepted to UCI to spend a night in the dorms on a Monday thru Thursday night. It is taking place this month.</p>

<p><a href="http://www.housing.uci.edu/sop/guest_when.asp%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.housing.uci.edu/sop/guest_when.asp&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>The problem is it requires registration 3 weeks before you go and the dates of the program are 4/10-4/27, so you would need to register IMMEDIATELY. You will go on campus and housing tours, meet people who actually go there, and experience 1 night of dorm life. After attending, you might find UCI isn't so bad after all.</p>

<p>jlauer95: does uci really only cost $7500 if i am living at home>?</p>

<p>well anyways thank you to everyone for their help in trying to solve my problem. I called my dad a few minutes ago (right when i got home from school) to tell him about the advice u guys gave me and how i am willing to pay for it all if i go to SD, well u know what he says? he says that this morning while i was at school, he submited my Statement of Intent to Register WITHOUT EVEN TELLING ME. he said that he didnt want to postpone it until the last minute and so he decided to fill out oin his own. he must have looked through my college stuff because he needed my uci student id # and uc application #. I AM SO MAD AT HIM. i guess there is no hope left and i HAVE to go to UCI. oh well. now hes happy i am not. end of conversation.</p>

<p>Rip,
The SIR is supposed to be signed by you. You might ask your dad how he turned in your SIR without your signature. Even if you are not 18 yet, you are probably supposed to be the one to sign it.</p>

<p>If you are able to pay for UCSD on your own, without your dad's help, then you might contact their admissions office and tell them what he did and that you want to commit to ucsd rather than uci. Maybe they could help you out.</p>

<p>This breaks my heart...Your Dad has in effect severed the relationship with his son by wrenching away choice of schools. If you are really intent on going to UCSD call UCI and UCSD and tell them of the FRAUD your father committed by sending in your intent. In effect he signed a contract with UCI for you. I can't imagine you wanting to give your heart and soul to UCI now...and your heart and soul is what a university degree requires.</p>

<p>Call UCSD. This probably happens a few times a year.</p>

<p>Then enroll at UCSD. Your dad cares so little for your feelings or thoughts, you';e making a mistake to put so much stock in his opinion of you. The reality is your dad may never think you are good enough to make your own decisions. Shame on him, rip. Shame, shame , shame.</p>

<p>You could use a professional to help you separate from your dad, rip. He is beyond controlling. Can you ask your GC to recommend someone?</p>

<p>He did commit a fraud. Call tomorrow, and tell them exactly what he did, do not be embarrased, be angry at him, this is cruel to me</p>

<p>"well anyways thank you to everyone for their help in trying to solve my problem. I called my dad a few minutes ago (right when i got home from school) to tell him about the advice u guys gave me and how i am willing to pay for it all if i go to SD, well u know what he says? he says that this morning while i was at school, he submited my Statement of Intent to Register WITHOUT EVEN TELLING ME. he said that he didnt want to postpone it until the last minute and so he decided to fill out oin his own. he must have looked through my college stuff because he needed my uci student id # and uc application #. I AM SO MAD AT HIM. i guess there is no hope left and i HAVE to go to UCI. oh well. now hes happy i am not. end of conversation."</p>

<p>Wow. If you needed to sign anything for the forms, call the school and tell them that the signature on it is absolutely 100% NOT yours. I wonder if he can go to jail for forgery?</p>

<p>whatever i am over it.</p>

<p>Rip,
I am so sorry about your circumstances. Your dad’s manipulative and controlling behavior is not acceptable. He has now forced a situation where you will be under his control for more years. Somehow I get the feeling this is not the first time he has disrespected you in such an abusive and arrogant way. I hope you can find the strength to get out of this unhealthy situation…the sooner the better!</p>

<p>"whatever i am over it."</p>

<p>Huh? Is anyone else baffled by this?</p>

<p>I am baffled bluealien...I am thinking there is a very unhealthy dynamic in Rip's family and he is accustomed to giving in to his Dad's demands no matter how unreasonable. Rip needs to grow a backbone.</p>

<p>i guess i will just go to uci. plus i dont feel like being in debt when i go out of college. thanks for everyones help anyways.</p>