<p>Many thoughts come to mind. Totally agree with early posters commenting on how some campuses and their local cops sweep things unders the rug to preserve “Mayberry” images; some small schools are so adept at this it’s how they fabricate their “safe” reputations. </p>
<p>Post #137 explains why actual police are more effective than campus police (or small town rent-a-cops).</p>
<p>Is there any chance that the boy who says he saw documented “incidents” and heard revenge threats is exaggerating or is interested in the girl and has some reason to make a scenario where he can be protector? Wonder why he won’t manup or if he has a beef with the weird boy.</p>
<p>Haven’t read all posts but I think calling the boy’s parents is a good idea but be prepared for anger or denial. I may offend people (again) but often disturbed kids have parents who look the other way and get angry when people try to tell them things most of us would want to know. Lack of being nipped in the bud is why these situations get out of control.</p>
<p>All threats should be taken seriously and I agree that driving half an hour to a campus could either speed up help, or put the parent’s mind at ease. They’re in 4 of the same classes so it’s as easy as meeting they daughter as she exits one of them and observing this boy and his interactions. If he seems crazy, the parent is already physically present on the campus and can go directly to a dean or local police. However, as some posters have suggested other possibilities, has the girl been angling for something like a certain off-campus apartment where playing up something like this could influence a parent’s decision? I know of a young lady who had her entire floor on edge with her own stalker issue, anonymous flowers and notes, the scary re-appearance of clothing she threw in the garbage as witnessed by roommates, many things that only someone watching closely would be aware of…parent of another girl on the floor panicked and went to great lengths over this…only to find that the original girl sent herself flowers and orchestrated everything herself.</p>
<p>My personal opinion is that there is far too much talk of mental illness and mental health on this thread, to begin with.</p>
<p>Either the boy is a threat or he is not. If he is a threat, then that needs to be dealt with through the proper authorities. If he is not a threat, then a meeting with the proper authorities will make him stop with the seemingly threatening behavior.</p>
<p>None of these kids are going to “get him help,” if he has mental health issues. Maybe the dean will. But, none of us know if he has mental health issues or not. What we know is that the daughter has been warned by the boys roommate that she is on a “revenge list.” “Revenge lists” are things the police like to know about, for various reasons.</p>
<p>NOT that having a revenge list or involving the police means that he will be removed, arrested, or sent for treatment. It is simply a top five red flag in a communal/ dorm/ school/ institutional/ living environment. it will be investigated, or not. Most likely that will be the end of that.</p>
<p>As for his mental health, nobody can know a thing about it from a chat board, and I don’t know why everyone is so hung up on that particularly issue. What we do know is that he is angry, exhibiting signs these kids have been taught about since they were in school (they are taught these things since Columbine, btw), and some are nervous he might do something to himself or those around him. This is something you are actually “supposed” to report to the authorities. Let the proper authorities sort it out. Why is there something “wrong” with that? There’s not.</p>
<p>Uh, how is it you D knows the kid is keeping records on her on his computer? </p>
<p>I’m uncomfortable with the OP’s post. Not every guy in this age category who doesn’t act in comformance with how your D thinks he should act is a raging lunatic. And as for “stalking” on facebook - absurd. All kids check out facebook. He knows your D. He checks her facebook status. That does not qualify as stalking.</p>
<p>Sure, sure. The media accounts of young males going nuts and killing people are really horrifying. They are also really rare. And everyone has rights. Nothing in the OP’s first post strikes me as particularly red flag beyond perhaps the self-cutting.</p>
<p>I would hope that anyone who reports another person to an authority for certain behaviors knows for sure that those behaviors have actually occurred.</p>
<p>The dean has the power to recommend that a student no longer attend their school. In todays environment of litigation any professional will be erring on the side of caution.</p>
<p>So when does scratching become cutting?</p>
<p>When does an emotional discussion become ranting?</p>
<p>How many times is it okay to check someones facebook page when they have given you permission to do so. Can this even be termed stalking in the legal term?</p>
<p>When has it become criminal for a boy to spend his vacation playing videoo games in his basement rather than going out to spend time with a girl who has recently rejected him?</p>
<p>What is the appropriate response to “friends” who go to an authority to talk about their perception of your behavior? </p>
<p>Is it wrong to look back at previous posts in an on line forum to get more information than a poster posts in one individual thread?</p>
<p>I haven’t read all the posts on these 18 pages but just want to reiterate the advice about calling the city police. You do not have to wait for him to do something illegal to call the police. When I was in college many years ago I was in a similar situation and did call the police. The boy (technically a 19yo man) was not arrested because he had not yet done anything illegal, but two male police officers did stop by his home to personally talk with him about what was going on. They let him know that if it escalated at what point his actions would become illegal, and that I would be filing a restraining order against him if the current behavior did not stop. They were happy to do this for me and considered it part of their job. It was their idea, actually, as I originally called to file a restraining order. After the chat they had with him, the behavior stopped and I never saw or heard from him again. The police officers told me that a personal visit from a police officer or two is often the wake-up call that many people need to get a grip, and in this case, at least, they were correct. Just my two cents. Hope you can get this resolved for your daughter’s safety and your peace of mind. Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>Not sure we can call it slander. No one knows this boy’s name. Hopefully, the Mom and/or daughter will present to the Dean exactly what they know and what their concerns are, and the Dean will talk to the young man - perhaps ask for a campus police investigation (look at the boy’s computer), and he’ll at least advise the boy to leave her alone - and then he can go from there with assessing needs, etc.</p>
<p>I really don’t get why everyone’s so up in arms, honestly.</p>
<p>The girl and her parents are uncomfortable - it seems like it MIGHT be founded, so what is the harm in talking to the young man, and severing contact, and advising him to just stay away from her at least.</p>
<p>^Because the girl continues to voluntarily put herself in his presence. As far as we know, she continues to social, talk, and meet with the man (outside of the classes where they have to be together). It’s not like she’s trying to stay away from him.</p>
<p>“perhaps ask for a campus police investigation (look at the boy’s computer), and he’ll at least advise the boy to leave her alone - and then he can go from there with assessing needs, etc.”</p>
<p>Right…Because the police never overreact to or use inappropriate measures…especially when there have been several school shootings recently…</p>
<p>I will respectfully disagree OhioMom3000. That fact did not change anything for me. I did not see her concerns in a different light. The original post, as well as the thread from a couple weeks earlier describing the changes in this student remain troubling.</p>
<p>If there is reason for concern, whether it be from first/second hand reports, being a concerned parent a (even if flavored by ones personal experience), the appropriate thing to do is to contact the Dean and/or campus police and make a report. They can discern what to do from there. Its similar (giving an analogy, not an exact parallel) to making a report to child or adult protective services, except that in this case the student herself can express concern for her safety, if she feels threatened.</p>
<p>Mizzbee—yet, her daughter continued to put herself in his presence (socializing, hanging out, discussions, visiting his dorm floor because her friends live there rather than having them visit her on her dorm floor). Does that sound like someone who honestly feels threatened?</p>
<p>There is a disconnect with the info. I don’t know the truth of the story. No one here does. What I do feel is that there is a lot of immaturity and a lack of common sense in handling this real or perceived threat.</p>
<p>The timeline/sequence of events is difficult to follow, especially if there is more than one long thread on this issue. Perhaps someone could post a synopsis? This is NOT for purposes of being intrusive, but trying to follow the sequence of events and respond consistently, if possible.</p>
<p>I have not read the whole thread and probably could not keep the details/sequence of events clear even if I had. I suspect others feel the same way.</p>
<p>(In response to nysmile’s point) Then perhaps there needs to be some guidance for the daughter as well, concerning how best to handle the situation. These are just kids. They are learning to navigate these troubled waters. Let’s get them all a little help in the right direction. No need to commit anyone, throw them in jail or lay blame. Let’s simply get them some guidance and help them sort this thing out properly.</p>