Student seeking advice from parents

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hi, guys. I've been lurking around here for the past few days, trying to find the appropriate place for this, and then I realized: what I need, right now, is to talk with adults. People with life experience. I'm in a bit of a dilemma, but I'll try and keep this as brief as possible (and will likely fail to do so, sorry in advance). I really, really would appreciate advice, words of encouragement, anything you can give me.</p>

<p>I'm an 18 year old gay guy, a senior in high school, graduating at the end of this year.</p>

<p>I know what I want to do with my life- go to college and study for a degree in International Relations, going on into Graduate School. I want to do something that takes me international; most likely a government job (my calling is to, somehow, change the world) but I wouldn't mind kicking back and teaching, honestly.</p>

<p>I've got big dreams. I'm a dreamer at heart. The problem is, though, that I have priorities, and my priorities are a fair bit more different from those of my peers.</p>

<p>My priorities are like this:</p>

<ol>
<li>Get out of here. I repeat- GET OUT OF HERE. This place is so very bad for my mental stability, given the already fragile condition I was in. My parents offer me 0 support for college, have a history of abuse, greatly look down on my homosexuality (more on this later). I have a past full of domestic violence, but by some miracle I've managed to hold on, avoid all drugs, alcohol and vices, and I'm taking every AP class I've been able to for the past 3 years. My school district isn't very well funded, my selection is limited and there are no IB programs. In addition to all the above, we're pretty much barely floating above the poverty line. My 'home' is not a home, nor do I really consider these people my true family; I need to go, as soon as possible.</li>
</ol>

<p>I realize I should probably get professional help for a lot of the above, but I really, honestly can't do that right now. Not a freaking dime in my pocket. I've endured this nightmare for 18 years and I figure I sound surprisingly sane and collected. What keeps me going is the prospect that I will be able to break free and make it for myself.</p>

<ol>
<li>Get my wits together. I find myself repeatedly falling prey to anxiety attacks because of all the above. It's scary and it gets really hard to breathe at times. I realize that I can do little to change my past, but I'm often just wracked with... guilt. Overwhelming guilt. When I told my peers I was rejected from my college, they were shocked. They look at me, and the things I can pull off in my classes, and think I should be going to Harvard or Princeton or some upper-tier school. It makes me feel so bad- they're right, I can be doing so much better than this, but I keep stumbling over these damn hurdles.</li>
</ol>

<p>People have an obsession with extracurriculars and GPA as being the only measure of someone's accomplishment. That's really incongruous with myself in general, neither of them being great. All of my examples are unorthodox.</p>

<p>Want Leadership? I ended up coming out in front of my English class of 40 or so people. I later went on to do History and Government presentations on discrimination and gay rights. This is where my 'zone' is, honestly- I've managed to reach out to my peers and change the way they think about and judge others, given how I'm not all that stereotypical, and I'm really proud of it. My insistence on being out in the face of potential harassment has really earned me the respect of the staff and students at school. This is, honestly, one of the most defining and persona-shaping instances of my young life.</p>

<p>Want accomplishment? Well... does my survival count? Hahaha. I write killer essays, I guess. That's no problem for me when it comes to the college applications. </p>

<p>Want awards? Eh, you probably won't find many. I slip under the radar, or the things I do don't necessary net me awards. Our school isn't big on giving them out.</p>

<p>Extracurriculars? Well, I maintain a Youtube channel with 450 or so subscribers. As a hobby, myself and some friends translate videos from Spanish, Chinese, and Japanese into English- I help with this, and do all the technical work of video encoding, typesetting, subtitling, etc.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Go to a good community college in Seattle (a fairly tolerant area, urban, perfect for me) for a year or two, transfer up. I've found the college, I think, by asking for advice all over as I'm doing now. Just need to take the placement exam.</p></li>
<li><p>When I get there, I'm looking into sharing an apartment or home. The prices really aren't that bad, I'm finding listings for gorgeous places on Craigslist for, what, $500 a month? That doesn't sound bad. I'd love to take a part-time job, too. Yes, I WANT to work to better myself. Just not here. Anywhere but here.</p></li>
<li><p>From here? Do work. Amend my past mistakes, heal myself. Yes, some of it is beyond my control, but at the same time some of it is my own fault. I've accepted that. However, I refuse to be crippled by my past. Honestly- BUST MY ARSE, pull a 4.0, work a job, live life, enjoy myself, start LIVING. The concept brings tears to my eyes. Finally, maybe, I'll be able to live.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>I've filed my FAFSA (EFC = 0, surprise) and I'm waiting on the results (I assume that means the email that tells me the $$$ I get) at the moment, which leaves me in a void of uncertainty. In what order do I pull all this off? I don't have any money in my pocket, I'm very worried about taking out loans (it's intimidating and the concept of debt scares me). So when do I take the jump, so to speak? Get out of here, go to Seattle, get the apartment, go to college? This is just a part of life that my peers can't help me with. Apartment first, college second? Can I grab both at the same time?</p>

<p>I'm sorry for vomiting out the really long post, again. I don't mean for it to be self-pitying. I'm sure I descended into that at some point, but I try and recover myself every time. What I need, now, is wisdom- something that comes from experience, that only you guys can give me. I can't stress how grateful I would be for guidance in all this.</p>

2

<p>Sending you a PM.</p>

3

<p>Here is what I’m reading:</p>

<p>You seem a little fragile, but tough and hanging in there. I know you have a lot of emotional baggage, but you sound pretty ok and understand how to put it aside until you can afford to deal with it. This is logical and practical, though understandably quite unpleasant. </p>

<p>I don’t know where you live now, but I’ll assume it’s not all that tolerant. </p>

<p>You want to study international relations but have no money. I think that you have a decent plan to build a life by moving to Seattle and going to a community college. That may be a good plan. </p>

<p>You have academic talents. </p>

<p>I think what you need is a long-term plan that balances the short-term need to eat with the long-term need to get educated and credentialed in the field that you want, so that you can pursue your real dreams. </p>

<p>There was another thread a while back from a girl named jigfeet. I gave a couple of suggestions there that you may want to consider also.
<a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/687681-calling-all-parents-how-do-i-make-my-dad-care.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/687681-calling-all-parents-how-do-i-make-my-dad-care.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>The one I think that you might find worthwhile is to

  1. Move to Boston (also a most tolerant city in light of your orientation)
  2. Get a full-time day job, the economy seems to be improving a bit here. It may be a little tougher in the summer with so many college students around, but since you will not be quitting in the fall, you may be quite desirable.
  3. Get a cheap place to live with roommates from craigslist.
  4. Go to the Harvard Extension School (roughtly $1000/course) and major in International Relations. This is very high quality education with very serious students. It is not for slackers. Read the admissions requirements very carefully. All you have to do is do well in 3 classes, including Expository Writing. Registration is first-come first serve, so you need to basically register the first day possible to get into that class. </p>

<p>At roughly $1000 per course it only costs $32K for a whole degree. Additionally, they are very generous with AP and CLEP credit. You should self-study and take as many CLEPs as you can pass. They also take credit from other schools, so you can take a classes over the summer at a place like UMASS Boston, which will be in-state tuition if you are full-time employed and thus can gain residency. Harvard is very expensive for the summer. </p>

<p>I don’t see how you can do well in school going full-time if you have to worry about food, shelter and clothing. I think if you can get a few AP credits, take 1 or 2 classes each summer, you can get a bachelor’s degree in around 5-6 years with no more than 2 classes at a time. At the same time you can build a life in a very gay-friendly city (there is nowhere in the US more gay-friendly than Massachusetts except maybe SF) with excellent public transportation (no car expense) and a very well educated and interesting population.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

4

<p>im not a parent but the best community college in the seattle area is bellevue community college if you want to check that out</p>

5

<p>I probably can’t offer you a better life plan than some of the other posters, but I do want you to know that you are a survivor and you will get to where you need to go. I know how hard it is to go through life without support, but you’ve managed to pull yourself out of a hole and turn your life around. You’ve developed an inner strength only a person who has dealt with hardships would understand. It has to be overwhelming for you, so take one step/one day at a time and eventually things will fall into place. Best of luck to you!</p>

6

<p>I think your plan makes a lot of sense, and ClassicRockerDad’s idea is pretty nifty too.</p>

<p>I think that being in a gay-friendly environment will be a huge help, and the situation you now describe is really toxic. Does your guidance counselor know any of this? This might be very important if you need his or her help down the line in writing a counseling recommendation.</p>

<p>On the "minor details’ front – before you move, make sure you get a certified copy (or even two) of your birth certificate, several sealed copies of your final high school transcript, your social security card, and your immunizations record. If you aren’t up-to-date on immunizations and your family has health insurance, try and get them taken care of now. Many colleges require or strongly recommend the meningitis vaccine – there is no problem with getting it now. They are also suggesting an update (I think) of DPT. Eye exam, physical – if any of these things are doable before you leave, great. (It isn’t impossible to do them once you move, but your likely access to health coverage may not be too good to start with, and a number of colleges require proof of these immunizations before you’re allowed to start classes.)</p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

7

<p>

</p>

<p>Another reason to move to Massachusetts. We have universal coverage. I don’t know the details.</p>

8

<p>Hey, guys. I didn’t respond yet, but I subscribed to the thread so that way I get all the responses via e-mail. I couldn’t pull myself away from the computers during school!</p>

<p>Right now, Spring Break has just started, and this would ordinarily be a nightmare for me- a whole week trapped in my house. However, I get to spend most of my day over at a friend’s house. We hang out, do homework, play games, whatever strikes our fancy. It feels unusually normal (!) but I definitely appreciate the R&R.</p>

<p>I went to go take the placement exam at the college, ended up placing into the highest English class I could get, with a Math class just below that. Gives me confidence that I can beast through this if I really put my mind to it.</p>

<p>Part of me is considering going to school out-of-state when I get back on my feet. I know that I want to try for a prestigious school once I get my IR education going so I’ll probably end up somewhere in the east. That’s a few years down the road, though. I have to make sure that I get a strong buildup prior to that. My guidance counselor does know about my special circumstances, as do most of the teachers I talk to- it’s the main reason I’m going to Seattle first.</p>

<p>Heck, even better news- a friend of mine that moved to Hawaii at the end of last year is looking to go to school in Seattle, as well. He was inquiring about the possibility of us sharing a place together. We get along really well (he was my best friend before his family moved him away) and it sounds like it’ll be really fun. Here’s to a better future. :)</p>