Studying abroad and absolutely miserable

Applying to College
1

<p>Right now I am currently doing a semester abroad in Europe. I have been insanely excited to go for as long as I can remember. But ever since I got here, I have been absolutely miserable. I have been struggling with depression/anxiety my entire life, but it was always under control. Right before I left however, my moods got really bad, to the point I was thinking if whether or not life was worth living. But by that point it was way too late to cancel my place in the program. I just figured studying abroad was such an amazing experience that I would have no problem staying happy. I was too scared to tell my doctor or my family how I was really feeling, because I was afraid they wouldn't let me go. </p>

<p>Now I am half way across the world and I am having the hardest time remembering why I signed up to do this study abroad thing. I have cried myself to sleep nearly every night, and other than going to class I have pretty much been staring at my four dorm room walls. I am incredibly bored and homesick. My first problem is how ridiculously easy my work is. I go to a very rigorous college at home, and the classes here are way too easy. I think I solved this problem however. After constant begging, my adviser has agreed to let me take a couple of graduate level courses at the local university. I also secured an internship that I will start next week. So by the beginning of October I will be very busy balancing five classes with an internship. I hope this will help with my boredom. But, my worry is that since I am so incredibly upset here I won't be able to balance everything. </p>

<p>I'm only homesick because I am so lonely here. This is what is really bothering me, my inability to make new friends. Anyone that has seen any of my previous posts know that I have severe social anxiety and cannot make friends to save my life. I have tried so hard to get out there but I really feel like the other people in my program hate me and would rather not have me around. The only time I have gone out with them is when I pretty much just invited myself which has left me feeling really uncomfortable the whole night. Oh, and everyone has already booked weekend trips to Paris, Rome, Barcelona and wherever else without me. No one even thought to invite me on any trips. So it looks like I won't be doing much traveling either. </p>

<p>Basically, I'm wondering if anyone on here has ever dealt with studying abroad while dealing with anxiety/depression. I don't know where else to turn. Every time I call home my parents tell me how proud they are of me and I really don't want to let them down. My study abroad program has a mental health counselor, but I'm afraid they will flip out and make me drop all of my classes or will send me home because they think I am mentally unstable. I am the only one in my whole program who has taken on such a heavy load so they are already concerned about me as is. I apologize for the rant, I just really needed to get some things off my chest.</p>

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<p>OK, I would encourage you to talk to the mental health counselor regardless, it sounds like you need it. Also, it sounds like you have a bad case of culture shock to me, that can certainly exacerbate any existing problems you may have. Have you thought of doing trips on your own? Just because others didn’t invite you doesn’t mean you can’t have fun! Finally, have you met any local students, it might help if you can try to get to know them; I know social anxiety is very difficult, I have had to overcome it myself, and I still have problems in new or crowded situations. Actually, the mental health counselor might be able to give you some tips for that too.</p>

3

<p>If you’re miserable and depressed would it really be so horrible if they sent you home? Go see the counselor. Get out and see some sights by yourself. Go to some museums or pubs or whatever. Bring a book to a park. Don’t worry about making friends, you can get have a good time on your own and you will be less anxious about fitting in.</p>

<p>Feel better :)</p>

4

<p>I am really sorry to hear you are feeling like this, and I would also encourage you to speak to the mental health counselor as soon as possible. After all, you are paying for them! If they send you home and you feel better, would that be a bad thing? Are you going to get anything out of study abroad if you feel so bad?</p>

<p>I suspect you come across as very independent and confident to the other students, and they are not deliberately excluding you. They just think you’re doing your own thing. The other students on your program have probably only just met and flocked together because they are scared and nervous. You may not need social interaction and support in the same way. That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you. It might just be you. </p>

<p>You may find it more difficult to make friends with locals. However, in some ways it may be easier. After this program, you’ll never see them again if you don’t want to. So no pressure. You can be who you want to be and if they don’t like you, so what? Do you speak the local language? Even if not, could you offer to help local students learn English (just by talking to you)? You will often find on many countries that people will open up to you just because you are foreign and hence automatically interesting (imagine you met a foreign student in your home town. You would be interested in them and want to help them, right?). Ask people to help you. Ask them about their country. Then you just need to listen because they will do the talking. Even if you don;t make friends for life, hopefully you will feel less lonely and more in touch with people.</p>

<p>None of the above is intended to convince you your problems are not serious or is in anyway a replacement for seeing the counselor. I’m just trying to give you another perspective so you don’t feel bad.</p>

5

<p>You are not the first to go through this! I had similar bouts on my own semester abroad. I was in Copenhagen, in a program that was much bigger than than the college I had been attending in the U.S. It was hard for me to relate my problems to those back home because 1) Europe was supposedly the “easy” place to study abroad, and 2) the dominant narrative of study abroad is that it’s “THE BEST SEMESTER EVER” and very few people discuss otherwise. It can almost invoke shame to be feeling anything than utter joy during the privilege of spending a semester traveling. </p>

<p>But sometimes, worthwhile things are hard. It sucks. </p>

<p>I don’t have solid answers for you. On my semester abroad, I didn’t make the life-long friends some people did. But here’s what helped: </p>

<p>I found a knitting group on Ravelry and met up with them once week.
I did my best to participate in as many program-sponsored activities as possible.
I started doing/organizing things on my own. As in Facebook statuses like “I will be cooking such and such a thing, or I will be at such and such a park at this time tomorrow.” I’d bring a book a book or something in case I was alone, but more often than not at least one other person showed.
I did talk to one of the counselors at my program, and I didn’t find it overly helpful. But they did suggest the proactive approach I had not, until then, been taking.
Traveling abroad can be a lonely and isolating experience, and that is so often neglected in people’s “Tales from abroad.” I’m an introvert and friend-making does not come easily to me. The only thing I could find to do was a “fake it till you make it” approach. But above all, don’t make yourself feel guilty about whatever you choose to do. Take it one day at a time, and don’t judge yourself too harshly. </p>

<p>Much love from Bulgaria! (I’m a masochist and went abroad again…)</p>

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<p>I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone - many students experience a surge in a prior condition of anxiety and/or depression when studying abroad. It’s a huge transition. Google Adjustment Disorder with Mixed Anxiety and Depression. That sounds a lot like what you are experiencing. You should also Google cultural adjustment and culture shock. Not only are you not the only student studying abroad in Europe right now dealing with these feelings, chances are you aren’t the only one in your specific <em>program</em> dealing with them. That’s how common they are. And even for students who are on a honeymoon period with study abroad right now, it’s unlikely that anybody will completely escape culture shock or never have a day where they wish they had never made this decision.</p>

<p>But this can and will get better - a LOT better.</p>

<p>First of all, please do speak with a counselor. Cry it all out. You will feel better. See if you can meet with that counselor at least once a week from here on out to process your feelings and check in.</p>

<p>Second, relationships are what keeps us from cycling back into despair, so focus your energy on making friends and acquaintances. Can you meet some local people? Can your program arrange to set you up with a family that you can visit for dinner once in a while and who might be able to take you on a day trip excursion or two? Could that family take you in to celebrate one of their country’s holidays? Staring at a wall in a dorm is lonely, but sitting around the table with a family (even if that family isn’t yours) can work wonders for lifting your spirits.</p>

<p>Don’t just spend time with the kids in your program, although making friends with them is great, too. Get to know the lady at the post office, the owner of a restaurant, the cashier at the pharmacy down the street. Be a regular somewhere. </p>

<p>Stop spending so much time in your room. Where do the local kids eat, study, play? Go there. </p>

<p>Make plans for a change of scenery - a weekend trip or something similar in another city or a neighboring country, preferably with a friend or two. Give yourself things to look forward to.</p>

<p>Above all, remember that this experience, for better or for worse, is very short and very temporary in the grand scheme of things. It will end, and you will go back home. You might feel great to be back home, or you might not. You can’t predict how you’ll feel at the end of this. All you can do is try to make the most of it now, get help where you can, and try to connect with people as best you can.</p>

<p>You can do it! Best of luck.</p>

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<p>Thank you so much for the replies everyone. What is really getting to me is that everyone always exclaims how studying abroad is the greatest thing ever and very rarely do people bring up the other side. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. </p>

<p>I am trying my absolute hardest to get along with the other people in the program. I try to smile and be as nice as possible, but it still seems like they would rather not have me around. I have always had some trouble making friends, but it has never been this bad.</p>

<p>A couple of good things have happened. It turns out I really am enjoying my internship (two days a week) and I did go out with a group last weekend it was a lot of fun. I am also signed up for over half a dozen field trips, the ones I have done so far I really have enjoyed. I’ve also decided I am going to talk to the counselor tomorrow morning. I am also going to try to find some sort of club to join at the local university. I might even book a couple of my own independent weekend trips.</p>

<p>But unfortunately most of the days I wander around regretting this decision to study abroad. I really don’t like my classes, and my credits aren’t transferring over to my home university which makes it even worse. However, going home is absolutely a last resort. If I go home, I will not be able to graduate on time with my class in a couple of years. This absolutely cannot happen, so I am trying my hardest to keep my head high.</p>

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<p>angel - it does sound like you are making progress. Keep it up! The other thing that sometimes works is if you keep busy the time will go faster - and then you’ll be home again. But I’m proud of you for getting out and signing up for fieldtrips by yourself. Good job and keep it up!</p>

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<p>angelfish13, I’m so sorry you feel like that. I have been reading and have talked with students in the past that have felt this way, and like the others said above, you’re not alone. Just know that everything will be okay.</p>

<p>My teacher who studies in Spain for a year said that she during the second and third months felt so alone, so foreign, and just wanted to come home. In a few weeks, you’ll be more assimilated to the culture and language.</p>

<p>If I may ask, where are you studying at? If you’d rather not say, I understand completely. Are you having difficulties with the language/culture? Are there a lot of American students in the city you live in?</p>

<p>Keep your head high, angelfish. Talk to someone and just let it out. I know you’ll be good, just stay positive! We’re always here online if you need some support, too. Private message me and we can e-mail if you’d like to talk more.</p>

<ul>
<li>C.</li>
</ul>

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<p>Glad you’ve gotten yourself signed up for some excursions-- as PhotoOp said, keeping busy can help. You might also check out the following: </p>

<p>[The</a> 4 Stages of Culture Shock (And How To Beat Them) | Matador Network](<a href=“http://matadornetwork.com/bnt/the-4-stages-of-culture-shock-and-how-to-beat-them/]The”>The 4 Stages of Culture Shock and How To Beat Them)
Even though you have struggled with depression at home, what you’re feeling now is also likely tied to culture shock. Malaise and despondency are common for people wrestling with culture shock, but it gets better as the culture becomes more familiar. That said, it may not seem that others are having the same struggles as you on your program, and some honestly may not be. There are kids who go abroad with absolutely no desire to integrate or really learn about a place, and rather find it a convenient excuse to drink and party all the time-- if these kids aren’t experiencing the roller coaster of culture shock, it’s because they are not as invested in their personal growth and educational experience as you seem to be. The hard times you are having, as much as they suck now, are evidence that you are more self-aware (and probably a BETTER) human being than people who treat travel as a commodity. It’s hard now, but in the end you will have learned more (about yourself and your culture) than those who don’t struggle at all. </p>

<p>[A</a> Glimpse of Myself | Off-Campus Study](<a href=“http://community.scrippscollege.edu/offcampus/2011/02/26/a-glimpse-of-myself/]A”>http://community.scrippscollege.edu/offcampus/2011/02/26/a-glimpse-of-myself/)</p>

<p>This is me trying to make heads and tails of things for my college’s study abroad blog. </p>

<p>I, too, am curious about what program you’re on. I think part of what challenged me is that I wound up going on a program that was too big for me and I felt lost among so many students, whereas other students might feel smothered in more intimate programs like SIT.</p>

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<p>Have you ever taken medication for your condition? I suggest you go see a medical professional and see about anti-depressants or whatever might be appropriate. It sounds like you are doing a lot of good things for yourself, yet still are experiencing symptoms of depression/anxiety or something. If your body needs medication, no amount of talking or keeping busy will be a fix. So, perhaps a small dose of meds will help do the trick for you. Good luck, and I hope you will be able to benefit from your study abroad experience.</p>