<p>ladeeda6 - Yes, but it didn’t end very well. The kid brought him some sort of off-brand package of Fig Newton. He accused the student of trying to poison him, and said he was going to drop his final grade by a letter as punishment.</p>
<p>Same professor from above…</p>
<p>Student: Playing solitaire on his laptop.
Professor: Stops lecturing, and stares at student.
Student: Realizes the lecture has stopped and looks up.
Professor: Kiddie-porn is bad.</p>
<p>Professor: Finishes explaining requirements for research paper. Any questions?
Student: I don’t get it. Are we supposed to [asks a ridiculously dumb question]?
Professor: Have you thought of joining the circus?</p>
<p>Funnies from other professors…</p>
<p>History Professor: If you think the Pilgrims came here for religious freedom, you’re a f***ing idiot.</p>
<p>Math Professor: One of the many great benefits of mathematics is that it teaches you how to reason critically. Of course, one of the downsides to that is you realize most people are full of s***… especially politicians.</p>
<p>Math Professor: If you want dumbed down mathematics, become an engineer. </p>
<p>Physics Professor: Finishes a problem on the board. Then, in a voice like Special Ed from Crank Yankers… Yaaaaaaaaaaay!</p>
<p>[
[quoteblock]
]Student: Playing solitaire on his laptop.
Professor: Stops lecturing, and stares at student.
Student: Realizes the lecture has stopped and looks up.
Professor: Kiddie-porn is bad.[
[/quoteblock]
]</p>
<p>That is awesome.</p>
<p>[
[quoteblock]
]History Professor: If you think the Pilgrims came here for religious freedom, you’re a f***ing idiot.[
[/quoteblock]
]</p>
<p>Because this professor is one of those “neah neah technically they went to Holland first” smart-aleks?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>No. Prior to making that comment, he was trying to point out the fact that many modern Americans have an inaccurate view of the Pilgrims (or for that matter, most of the early settlers). “Religious freedom” was never really all that important. This is clear when you consider that, once in America, many of the Pilgrims (1) fought each other (and natives) due to religious differences (2) moved elsewhere due to religious differences and/or (3) tried to convert others to their particular brand of faith. All three of which are antithetical to “religious freedom.” Instead, the Pilgrims were motivated by the same thing that would motivate any other colonizer: greed.</p>
<p>@pencilinablender Your professors sound completely amazing and hilarious.</p>
<p>^^ Just because they sought religious freedom for themselves doesn’t mean they sought freedom of religion for anyone else.</p>
<p>Two things that my favorite professor said on the top of my head. </p>
<p>“I know you didn’t come here by choice. You would rather be having sex with your boyfriend or your girlfriend than come to this class at 2 PM. And if you DO prefer this class than sex… than you’re doing it wrong.”</p>
<p>The next one was on a Rembrandt painting.</p>
<p>“All these guys are really into this anatomy lesson. But this guy over here? He’s thinking, ‘Man, I can’t believe we’re doing this ****!’”</p>
<p>The weird thing is this professor is probably one of the smartest guys I’ve ever met. And yet, he gave us a whole class period telling us the origins of the f word…</p>
<p>My physics professor, just this morning:</p>
<p>“Class is canceled for today! I couldn’t find a parking space, so I had to park in the delivery driveway to run in and tell you. Well, See you all tomorrow!”</p>
<p>and then he ran out.</p>
<p>^ Best. Professor. Ever.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Par for the course for an Art professor.</p>
<p>Orgo professor: (imagine a thick Eastern European accent. It just makes him funnier for some reason.) “Sample problems are online.”
Student: “Are we going to go over the problems at some point or get an answer key?”
Professor: “Uh…probably not…”
<em>class laughs</em>
Student: “But how are we supposed to know the answer?”
Professor: “You have a book. If you don’t know whether it is right or not, you have a problem. What if i die tomorrow? You’ll still never know.”</p>
<p>“There are students here who come from backgrounds that are more conservative than Genghis Khan. They believe they are ordained by God to have all of the money in universe–how dare the poor try to get their greedy little hands on it.”</p>
<p>“Today, we’re going to learn Greek.” --Latin Professor</p>
<p>“I believe than an ‘A’ represents absolute perfection [dramatic hand clasping].”</p>
<p>“I have recently come to the conclusion that those people you see speeding at crazy velocities on the highway… they aren’t formally operating.”</p>
<p>“The forms blow chunks.” (Professor, in a School-Wide Announcement on Teacher Evaluation Forms from the office I work in.) </p>
<p>“This class doesn’t really have much writing.” --Sophomore-level class with >60 pages of writing.</p>
<p>"<em>stare</em> What are you guys doing here? Wait, you are all students? What the Hell are you doing here? I’ve never had so many students. I hate this." </p>
<p>“Please, please, please e-mail me if you’re going to miss or be class to class.”</p>
<p>Next class:</p>
<p>“Please, please, please do not e-mail me if you’re going to miss class. I don’t care. I really don’t. Don’t mention it to me in passing. I just don’t want to know. It’s not my problem.”</p>
<p>A dean, talking about experiences on an exam long ago:
“When I got the exam back, I saw that my grade was a 14. I was so ****ed. Then I found out 14 was the highest grade in the class.” Er, that got censored. Pee’d.</p>
<p>Professor, on when he was the director/head of some other college long ago:
“Once a student hacked into my account and sent an email to every one under my name, saying that all students needed to get their heads checked before registering. I had no idea until a doctor called me and asked why I kept sending all these students to him.”</p>
<p>Math professor this semester:
“If you honors students tell me right now that you’ll study, I won’t have to give you quizzes very often like I do with my other class.”</p>
<p>I had an English professor talking about how because of Texas state law he has to include the state policies on cheating, harassment, dropping classes, etc. (it ends up being two to three pages extra) on every syllabus. He said, “If I don’t then Rick Perry comes to my house and punches my dog.”</p>
<p>Just yesterday, I was in the elevator with a well-known professor in my university’s history department, and he turned to me and a friend. He then mentioned that a student had told him that he hadn’t done the assigned reading for the day. Before my friend and I got off on our floor, he added, “Hopefully, he’ll get it done…in a few months, or by next year.”</p>
<p>Hilarious!</p>
<p>This is a great thread (and I have more!)</p>
<p>Biology professor:</p>
<p>“And why do we study isotopes!? Because they’re fun! Let’s move on!”
(I knew I should have taken Biology for science majors instead of for non-science majors. Class is turning out to be a joke)</p>
<p>Math professor:</p>
<p>“Then you get this fun U-shaped thingie.”</p>
<p>(She meant parabola…I think she forgot what it actually was)</p>
<p>“I forgot what my point was”</p>
<p>“You guys know there aren’t jobs here, right?”
(after most of the class said they wanted to stay in this town after graduation)</p>
<p>Me: So what are we learning today?
Professor: Let me finish my chicken.</p>
<p>This is more about a student, but it came from my boss, the dean yesterday as he was reading over an evaluation from a student for a math teacher. In the comment section, the student had written: “if I found out that I only had an hour left to live, I would take this class again. It seemed like an eternity.”</p>
<p>I almost always get a chuckle out of my students by following ANY comment about whenI was a student with…before electricity.</p>
<p>Organic Chemistry Professor, explaining practical applications of testing for enzyme activity, brings up the example of the pregnancy test. He asks the students what bodily fluid could be tested for the assay. Some girl answers, “Saliva?” The professor answers, “Anyone who spits on their pregnancy test should not be having children.”</p>
<p>Today, in complete seriousness:</p>
<p>“The book we’re reading for Monday is 180 pages, which I thought was a bit short, so I’ve uploaded a short* article on moodle to supplement your reading.”</p>
<p>*short = 40 pages</p>