<p>From an English professor: “This isn’t really a quiz, and it isn’t really a test, so let’s call it a quiztesticle.”</p>
<p>“I used to smoke marijuana a long, long, time ago. But I didn’t like it. It never really got me high. I just got fat”</p>
<p>“Sorry for having to schedule a quiz on 4/20, but if you come to me after class I can change your date if you plan on smoking marijuana that day.”</p>
<p>Organic Chemistry:
“Why does that molecule only have 5 carbons instead of 6?” “Oh, because I f***ed up.”</p>
<p>Spanish:
“Yes, spelling is going to be important on the test. It can’t just be close, it has to be perfect. Think about it, in English, Shirt is close to S***, but they are VERY different words”</p>
<p>Biology:
“Yes, I’m a man, but I’m not ashamed to go into Victoria’s Secret to buy some lingerie…Wait a second, not for me. I don’t buy lingerie for myself. I had a wife and a girlfriend…I mean, not at the same time. This has all gone downhill, back to DNA.”</p>
<p>Music Prof: “I’m going to play what 18,000 hertz sounds like.”</p>
<p>Honors College: “It’s like if you go to China, and find your soulmate, and you’re like, ‘Hey! This is GREAT! … Let’s do it for a week!’”</p>
<p>Same HC Prof: “Michael Stipe…yes…fourth person of the Trinity.”</p>
<p>Same Prof about a Book Character: “So we have to wonder…is Callimaco in love or in idiot?”</p>
<p>So today in a study skills class I teach, I was going around the room asking students what they do where they can really lose track of time. This student starts going into this description of getting out her papers and picking through to get the seeds out…I stopped her and said, “Please tell me you are rolling your own cigarettes.” Next!</p>
<p>TA in Econometrics (filling in for prof that day): If class ends early, God Bless America.</p>
<p>(Same class, different TA in section on the day after an exam)
TA: If you got this question wrong on the exam, you might be sad. [Implying easy points on an otherwise VERY hard exam]
Student: [explains his answer]
TA: You might be a little sad.</p>
<p>Chem prof: If you ever want to take a good nap, go open up our textbook.</p>
<p>English prof: My English professor never let us use that phrase in our essay, but then again, she was a b****.</p>
<p>Same English prof: If you get me angry enough, you might get to here my southern accent come out. Or drunk enough. Eh? Eh? Any takers?</p>
<p>I was at my daughter’s computer sci dept graduation after party and the department head and a prof smiled and congratulated me on her grad school acceptance. I told them I didn’t really understand what she would be studying so I’d read all about it on Wikipedia, especially the part about the very important mathematical P vs NP question. They got very serious and told me to be sure to let them know when I figured it out (it has a $1mm prize.) <em>face plant</em> Wikipedia, really what was I thinking?</p>
<p>Thanks everyone, so entertaining.</p>
<p>After reading some of the dumb (and sometimes not dumb, but just funny) stuff in this thread from the History and English types, here are some from ECE classes:</p>
<p>Prof, quoting his mother thanking him for solving her iPhone problem by googling for the answer: “You’re a genius for so many different reasons.”
And then: “But it’s not that I’m a genius. My mom’s just dumb. It was the first result on Google.”</p>
<p>Same prof started a class with a slide show. First slide: “Who’s the greatest physicist of all time?” The next few slides showed Maxwell and others on Wikipedia. He explained that he’d named his kids after them. “So this time I had to let my wife name our daughter. What did she choose?” Next slide: Twilight poster. “She named her Bella, after a teenage vampire.”</p>
<p>^ Oh that poor, poor girl :(</p>
<p>I can’t wait for college. These are priceless.</p>
<p>Student <em>5-minute completely misguided ramble about picture on slide</em>
History professor “Ok, the bull symbol represented the replacement of draft animals by wheeled vehicles, maybe.”</p>
<p>Student <em>slightly summarized description of what code on slide does</em>
Computer Science professor “You are very wrong. It does not return an array. It returns a handle to an array.”</p>
<p>Professor: You should all go to church on Sunday, just to learn some new words.</p>
<p>@spike</p>
<p>You learned from Abraham Maslow? Well, that’s pretty damned neat!</p>
<p>My calculus professor keeps saying how good Ipad is,how he can put 100 textbooks in his ipad so he doesn’t have to carry around nad how developing the world is and my English professor is polar opposite, she is frigging stuck in 15th century. She always say , " You can’t use ebook or laptop in class. Because I hate technology.And,yes, I don’t watch TV, I only listen to radio. So, please, no modern gadgets!"</p>
<p>Shakespeare professor (who is a man), talking about the wager at the end of Taming of the Shrew: “So this one time in college, my friends and I did something similar. Both of them were able to get their girlfriends to leave their conversations to come to us. My boyfriend simply told me to go **** myself.” Then after a pause, since everyone was looking at each other since he said boyfriend, “Oh come on! I teach English for ****'s sake!” Turns out he’s bisexual and has a female fiance though.</p>
<p>English/Film Professor: I know you think the movies funny, but I want to get into WHY you think its funny. We all think different things are funny for different reasons. Sometimes we think things are funny because we’re better at something. Today I was riding my bike in, and the guy on the bike next to me fell over, and I just laughed and laughed…</p>
<p>Same prof, when a girl walks in: Sally, I could have swore I saw you in the union this morning. This girl looked just like you so I said hi, and she got so offended!! She was like <em>big valley girl gasp</em>! And I was like, b*<strong><em>! Why are you so offended? I just made a mistake. B</em></strong>*!</p>
<p>History teacher: So class did everyone do the reading? </p>
<p>Studnets: 50% Yes 50% no</p>
<p>History teacher: Oh I see, since you’re all white I could understand why you wouldn’t what to learn about the evil white man.</p>
<p>Students: No, we had better things to do. </p>
<p>History Teacher: racists </p>
<p>Students: -_-</p>
<p>We were talking about body language in my ethology class when the professor put up a slide of men who were admitting they had an affair while in public office. All the men had tight lips and just a general “shoot I got caught” look to them. The professor asks the class to tell him the men’s moods. After the class answered he says “That’s right, these men are in a tight spot and not the tight spot they want to be in.”</p>
<p>Same professor and one of his old grad students who filled in once loved bees. They constantly anthropomorphized them. The best was when the TA fellow talked about bee dances. The best part was when he was talking about the wiggle dance. </p>
<p>And final bit with ethology prof was his story about how he rushed a frat, got super drunk in the back of a UHaul, got lost in the middle of nowhere, and had to hitch hike all the way back to his university.</p>