Our youngest (3rd) was a “fly under the radar” kind of guy. We had him home alone 2 years and we all really loved it. We really got to know him better. His final year home his older sister lived with us while she got her teaching credential and masters. He really thrived his last three years of high school.
DS has 2 years at home without DD. We actually talked about it a lot before DD left… but in a “you are stuck with us” kind of way. We used to tell him how we’d have so much time to keep tabs on him. LOL! It’s been fine! I’ve love the time with DS. One more year to go and then we are empty nesters.
Had no issues with this. In succession, oldest, then middle child left and had fantastic college experiences. Remaining child went on with her life , school, and her friends and had good visits when college siblings returned home for breaks. We didn’t make a big deal of any of it and it honestly wasn’t. Life moves on. Agree with poster above - none of this would have even occurred to me .
My little brother will spend 5 years as an only, unless my sister or I move back home after college 
This thread is making me think. How will our relationship change over the next three or so years? Who will he be?
I expect there will be significant issues for our youngest. DS17 and DC21 get along very well and are happy to do things together. Perhaps they will keep in touch by texting or whatever, though DS17 isn’t very good about that with relatives now.
I think DC21 will be lonely when DS17 leaves for college. DS17 will be gone for 6 weeks this summer, so we’ll see what it will be like, but it’s not during the school year which is more stressful.
But, on the other hand, DS17 is quite high achieving and DC21 has not been thus far – some due to some social issues, some to natural ability issues, and some due to taking on the “not the smart kid” role. It’s hard being a 90-95th %ile kid in the shadow of a 99.5 %ile kid. I’m hoping that upon entering high school (the same year DS17 leaves for college), DC21 will decide that grades matter and that future plans are important.
@awesomepolyglot My little sister is fixed at age 16 in my mind – her age when I left for college. (Lucky for her to be so young in my head as she approaches 50.) But, because of the distance and finances, I was only able to fly home for a couple summers during college. I rarely made it home for winter break. We get along great now; much better than we got along when I was in high school.
I am not seeing so much practical discussion about what really changes, so let me add a few thoughts,
We told our D that when S went away to college, she would have to do ALL the chores - including cleaning up after the pups herself, feeding, walking them, grooming them etc. She grumbled but understood.
Also, they shared the “kids” bathroom (while DH and I have the master bath) and took turns cleaning it weekly. She noted that once he left, it didn’t get nearly as dirty, so cleaning it wasn’t so bad.
She very much liked that she had a better chance of getting access to borrow either my or DH’s car.
She liked the fact that when I bought a carton of ice cream, there was actually some left over for the following day. And the milk bottles didn’t empty nearly as fast.
When she had to take the trash out, she noted that there wasn’t as much of it.
Even though she had to help clean dishes more often, they were done faster without as many plates/cups to wash.
She had a better chance of picking her fave channel/DVD to watch
It will be an adjustment, but kids tend to be as resilient as they need to be.
Campus visit problem solved, I think. Adviser for DD’s EC sent out an e mail asking which days DD is available for a week long event so clearly it is optional. DD will miss one day and go to see DS’s campus in June. She got her plan ahead gene from me so I understand that seeing campus will make her more comfortable with all the change. Getting her there later in the year just gets harder with homework added to the mix so best to attend to it now and quiet that active imagination.
I would still love to hear from those with stories or suggestions. I am sure there are areas of adjustment I have not yet thought about.
Needing to visit the empty campus her sibling hasn’t even moved into yet and giving up time at an EC she cares about to do so seems extremely odd to me.
She will have an opportunity to see the dorms, and eat in the dining hall as he and I will be participating in an orientation program. She will miss two hours of an EC that she participates in year round. When not with me in a session she will read a book, listen to music and text her friends. Not that different from any other summer day but after the visit she will be able to picture her brother there and participate in the family discussion when we talk about his new life on campus. Right now she is left out of that. For our family, that is odd.
Some families are closer than others and transition in different ways @mathyone She clearly cares about her brother , and is interested in what he will be doing once he leaves home. Considering you know nothing about this girl , it seems harsh to pass judgement. All it tells me is family relationships are more important to her than perfect attendance at an EC. To me that’s a commendable thing .
The OP didn’t mention going to orientation with the rest of the family, just visiting an empty campus. And the “full day” of the EC she is missing has now been re-described as “just 2 hours”. Yes, I still think it’s unusual (have not heard of any of my younger kid’s friends skipping out on EC’s to visit sibling’s college campuses) and may indicate that she is going to have a very hard time adjusting.
@mathyone Nowhere does it say anything about visiting an empty campus or that she would miss a day of the EC. It does say that the three opportunities that she had would conflict with her EC, and that daughter initiated it.
Not really worth arguing about but “Adviser for DD’s EC sent out an e mail asking which days DD is available for a week long event so clearly it is optional. DD will miss one day”. One day. Not two hours.
" DD will miss one day and go to see DS’s campus in June." Most colleges are not in session in June. Empty campus. Orientation was not mentioned.
Must you pick apart everything I say? It was all reasonable based upon the information the OP had given.
You are right @mathyone. No need to argue about one family’s way that they plan to ease their transition for a younger child.
The exact details of the June visit are not the important part here. Being a part of it all is what matters. I think that is what she is uneasy about–not being as much a part of each other’s everyday life as they have been.
@carolinamom2boys only one of us is arguing here. Obviously they can do what they are comfortable with, but I don’t think it’s usual for younger siblings to go to accepted student/orientation events. I can’t recall seeing any younger siblings at the events we attended and there were definitely not any scheduled events for them, although there were scheduled events for parents. The OP was asking about adjustment, and to me, this unusual level of involvement indicates that this child will have a very hard time with separation–much more so than most siblings. That was my point, please stop attacking me for making it. Perhaps the other posters on this thread would like to comment on whether their kid attended their sibling’s college orientation and/or accepted student event.
Maybe they can work out the details about whether they will text, Facetime, Skype, Google Hangout, or whatever to keep in touch next year? That might help her feel less uneasy.
You don’t usually see younger siblings at orientation events (at least, not the ones that I have been to). The focus is on getting the new student settled in. There’s a lot going on at orientation and it could actually leave her feeling more left out as her brother will (quite reasonably) want to be around the other new students- his new friends/classmates/etc. Is it necessary to put him on the spot of having to choose where to focus his attention- his new adventure or his little sister?
Obviously, I know nothing at all about your daughter or your family dynamic, whether she is anxious about her brother leaving or not wanting to feel left out of a new adventure or something else altogether. You would have a better idea of her level of self-awareness (not to mention her age & stage!), but I think the posts upthread indicate that how it actually plays out is not necessarily how the kids expect it to, and as all you are working with is your impression of her guess as to what she will feel in 3-4 months time, I suggest re-thinking taking her to orientation, and choose another time for her to go.
I understand the sense that visiting with a younger sibling during the oft-emptied out college campuses in June is odd. That it seemed that would be the context of the visit is understandable.
At the same time, I understand having a child take a first hand look at a place their sibling will be spending the next four years, no longer returning home in the evening after rehearsals or practices or games - no longer there to, as @T26E4 put it, “bang away” at each other, or on the walls, on their parents’ nerves.
In a twist on change and adjustment, when my sophomore college kid came home, after his doctor’s appointment he asked if I could take him to see the grounds of his youngest sibling’s (S’20) new school - a school none of the other kids have attended. It was important to him to tour the grounds, get a look at the buildings and the fields. Not being a part of the experience of being home to speak with his younger brother at the end of younger brother’s school day must have struck the older as odd, and a bit discomfiting. He needed to “see” where his little brother would be, though he himself would be away in college.
Seeing makes it real, and helps one to displace the space it seems will grow between them (I didn’t ask; but this is my guess.)
@Cheeringsection is orientation the same time as move in? At our school, orientation is in July , but move in is in August. In our area, it is not uncommon for move in to be a family event. We have very good friends whose younger siblings helped move boxes , and younger brother was very instrumental in locating some strong , male college students to loft his sister’s bed . It all depends on the school I guess.