<p>Aibarr, I’ve seen people extruded by various circumstances. Meanwhile, hold out your arm…I want to see if old-fashioned tempering works on you.</p>
<p>I agree that there are parental expectations at play here. Yes, we all need to step back on occasion and gain perspective (and take into consideration all the other demands on our children’s agendas), however, if perfectly capable S came home from years of A’s with a slew of B’s, I can guarantee you I’d be disappointed. And as college applications were in the oven? Even more so. As it is, while I know some parents are facing some fairly harsh realities with their freshmen college students not getting the grades, I know that if a C shows up on my son’s report card, it’s because he was doing too much other stuff. On the other hand, my D will probably end up with a C in geology and with the rest of her grades, I am thrilled that she is earning credit for all the classes she took! So… while there are some parents who have crazy expectations and there are others who have a good idea where there children should be landing if they have their priorities straight.</p>
<p>Well said, Modadunn. As with everything else, context shapes parental expectations.</p>
<p>OP, your original post was a little strong - but I totally get your point. Our school doesn’t rank, but my D has straight As, multiple APs, ECs, etc – and this semester she brought home lower than usual grades also. I am a little concerned, but I know she’ll be okay.</p>
<p>I am sorry that this has happened. I agree with Modadunn that such an event would be disappointing as the kid’s past behavior would affect the parent’s expectations (and likely vice versa). </p>
<p>This won’t help befuddled, by it may be useful to discuss with kids, as I did with my son when he was in HS and now my daughter, that there are two separate things going on in HS (there are more than two, of course, but for this purpose, let’s not worry about social skill development, etc.). One main function is to learn: understand ideas and master skills. The second function is to get grades, which is a game. You have to decided when and where to allocate effort and what kind of answers and style each particular teacher likes in order to get grades. Grade-getting matters most in sophomore and junior years and first semester senior year. The two functions are not necessarily highly correlated. For example, my son figured out concepts extremely quickly and found that doing all of the regurgitating that high school courses sometimes have (write a few paragraphs to prove to the teacher that you read the book chapter) or doing all the even problems at the back of the section in the math book was intellectually deadening and, in his severely dyslexic case, very tiring. [As a result of the latter and his excellent performance, most teachers told him they would grade him on the tests and to do only as many science or math problems as he needed to be comfortable he knew the material and allowed him to skip the regurgitating assignments.] With my daughter, things are clicking this year but I do think it has helped her to clarify that learning always matters but that grades sometimes do and to know that getting grades is a completely separate game that one must, at certain times, play. She knows that she is not her grades, but also knows that her grades will help her do things she may want to do.</p>
<p>I’m really confused. I thought the daughter was a high school senior in 2006 (looking at the old posts made by the OP years ago).</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>The only possible explanation is that she’sI shudder to thinkbecoming a better person.</p>
<p>God help you.</p>
<p>Sometimes I think that posters on CC are so eager to make it clear they’re not one of “those parents” or “those students” (as in, pushy parents or “overacheivers”) that they’re unnecessarily harsh in response to cases like this…Anyway. </p>
<p>I think I could maybe provide a perspective closer to your daughter’s POV. I’m a junior in high school right now, and I’ve been a straight A student in AP and honors classes. I care about my grades, but lately I’ve become much less emotionally invested in them, which I think is a good thing. If my grades dropped in senior year, this is what I’d appreciate my mom doing: asking me, in a non accusatory way, if anything’s going on that I want to talk to her about. Reminding me that while it’s good that I’m focusing on learning now, grades are still a necessary hoop to jump through if I want to get into my reach schools. If she’s lucky and asks this at a time when I’m not busy, stressed, or emotional, then I might even have an honest discussion with her 
Anyway, just try to figure out if something has happened or something’s wrong somehow, and if not, then leave it to her to decide what to do and don’t get on her case too much. Maybe she’s decided that getting into a tippy top school just isn’t her goal anymore, and in that case you should support her decision. And good luck :)</p>
<p>@Bluealien, The OP’s kid was also originally a boy. Which makes me suspicious. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I agree. </p>
<p>I don’t think I was too harsh, certainly not any more harsh than the OP is with their child. And the attitude remains, and I maintain my comments. I’m thankful my mother doesn’t hold all my worth in an ‘A’. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I stick to my guns. In this case, the OP needs a serious reality check about what succeeding looks like. This ‘case’ is that of a parent who can’t see the forest for the trees. Her daughter is fine the way she is, she’s not a ‘rebel’ who ‘bombed’</p>
<p>It is not important what sex the child is. The OP may want to preserve some secrecy. I have never disclosed any info regarding my oldest son because it would be a give away for any of my friends that read CC. As it is, I am sure one friend knows its me posting because I have printed some revealing posts in regard to my daughter.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Seems to me that 90% of the time, my daughter is ONE of those things. God help me.</p>
<p>I disagree about the the importance of the sex of the child. Perhaps a better way to say it is that there is a difference, IMO, between the importance of the sex of the child per se vs. the honesty and trustworthiness of the poster/posters questions. When info seems to change from thread to thread, it makes it hard to accept the veracity of the posts, and it also influences the recommendations made to the OP. In this case, for instance, Smith would not have been recommended if the OP’s dau is really a son. Apparently the antennae of several posters went up pretty quickly to cause several tocheck out the past posts of the OP and note the inconsistencies and make them wonder if someone is just messing with them. I Understood that some posters wish to be more private about their kids, but IMO, better to say you’d rather not disclose too much in the name of privacy than to post inconsistent info .</p>
<p>I can’t speak to the veracity of the OP’s story though I think I have had some private communication with the OP that see quite consistent with the story but perhaps not the gender (I’ve deleted the PMs). </p>
<p>However, beyond this post in particular, I am sensitive to seeing hostile barbs instead of advice. My general feeling is that you shouldn’t say things that are ruder online than you would to someone’s face. </p>
<p>I can recall sought advice in a post and received responses attacking my motives/integrity or fixating on one particular part of a complex problem and then casting aspersions. I’ve understood this the potential virtue of a site like this (at least for parents) has to do with being able to receive advice and to provide it to those who need it. I have gotten very good advice at application time on CC from people given the complexity of my son’s situation. Personal attacks reduce the value of the site for people like me. With respect to this post, I agree that if the story has been changed to protect the innocent, it may be harder to give good advice because we as responders/advisers may be drawing on elements that are part of the disguise to develop the advice.</p>
<p>There was a site that was extremely helpful to me, funded by Charles Schwab’s foundation, in which posters were almost uniformly unconditionally constructive. While I don’t think we can expect that from HS students, we probably could from their parents.</p>
<p>Well said, Shawbridge. I think a lot of people probably don’t ask for help because of the kind of barbs that often appear. That’s a shame, because there is so much good advice to be had.</p>
<p>Thanks, mimk6.</p>
<p>I did a little bit of editing but it looks like what I wrote was sent partway through.</p>
<p>What I meant to say was:</p>
<p>I can recall seeking advice in a post and receiving responses attacking my motives/integrity or fixating on one particular part of a complex problem and then casting aspersions. I thought that the potential virtue of a site like this (at least for parents) has to do with being able to receive advice and to provide it to those who need it.</p>
<p>From the old posts I’ve seen, it seems the OP has a daughter and a son. What I can’t figure out is how the daughter can be a high school senior this year and also a senior back in 2006.</p>