I’d like suggestions from kids and parents about supporting friends who didn’t get into schools. I already know one kid who didn’t get in (his family was notified early). I want to be supportive. It’s hard when I don’t know yet how our family will do.
What does a parent say to another parent?
If you are a kid what do you want to hear from your friend, what did friends say that made you feel better or made you feel worse?
My daughter and her best friend both applied as day students to an extremely competitive local prep school. The chance of them both getting in is pretty much nil. They are very different candidates, and I think it could go either way. (Or, of course, neither of their ways.) I’ve been trying to talk to my daughter about how to manage the various outcomes, and it’s so hard when you know hurt feelings are almost certainly going to be involved. There’s the added tension of the chance that it will be perceived as one “taking” the spot from the other. (One is also full pay while the other is a FA candidate; that’s also delicate territory, no?) In any case, this is a great question.
Yes, @ProudDramaMama very similar situation here. Several friends applying to the same schools. I have no idea what the outcomes will be but my kid needs to know what to say. I am not telling her about the one kid I know didn’t get in, I think that would stress her out. Tomorrow I will tell her and he is a very close friend - what the heck will she say to him?
We went through something similar recently (with another friend). Both girls were trying out for parts in a play (not the same part). It was very competitive casting and they knew going in that all who auditioned would not get cast. Still, they were – as teens can be – blindly optimistic. For weeks they were talking like they both had parts already – and that was by no means a given. My daughter ended up getting cast and her friend didn’t. Because I know the instinct can be to avoid these difficult things, I made sure she reached out right away. She said something like, “I’m so sorry. That really stinks. I would have loved to do this play with you and I’m here for you if you want to talk.” I suggested that she follow the girl’s lead in terms of how much she wanted to talk about it, and then made sure she continued to reach out to her to do things together. This all went down maybe two months ago and I know it still stings. There’s the whole getting rejected element to process, and then there’s all the things you don’t get to do because of the rejection. In this case, it separated the girl from a close-knit social bond that had formed during the last play they’d all done together. It’s very difficult. I wish there wasn’t so much build-up.
What I will say to everyone here…
The time leading up to this was stressful but also exciting but it seemed like anything was possible.
For most of you, the decions will take some of the options off the table. This doesn’t make you less smart, interesting, or wonderful. Students who were accepted are no better people or students than those who were turned down, just better fits. If you got in, be grateful that what you wanted coincided with what a school wanted. But realize too that it doesn’t make you better than the person who didn’t get in. I would say “I am sorry you didn’t get what you wanted. I know you’ll do great things wherever you go.”
The next four years are yours to make the most of, wherever you spend them.
Love the school that loves you. Any school that accepts you has made a determination that you’ll do well there.
Thinking good thoughts for all of you this weekend.
Even worse is a split decision in your own house! I’m on pins and needles until this weekend is over. I am looking at this as a lesson in compassion, humility and kindness for my children no matter which way the decisions go!