talking to parents

Transfer Students
1

<p>For those of you who are currently a freshman looking to transfer for the soph. year, how are you discussing this with your parents? After applying to 10 schools (very stressful for the family), I don't know how my mom will take me applying again. We felt I had a legitimate chance at many of the top schools I applied to, but ultimately was rejected by. </p>

<p>I am confidant that with my success in college so far (and projected to the spring), I will be fantastically more successful with the process. However, my mom will definitely be hesitant (not only because of the financial aspects of applying) because of the stress it brings upon the family. She took my rejections extremely hard and I don't want her to be hurt again. However, I know that I'm capable of gaining admission at the upper tier schools I'm looking at. </p>

<p>Should I ask a professor who I will be asking to write a recommendation for me, email her with why he thinks I will be successful? Should I ask the dean of my honors program? </p>

<p>Any insight would be greatly appreciated.</p>

2

<p>what a good thread to start...
im in the same boat, i'm not sure how i'm going to fully break it to my parents that im applying...however, i realized that they just want to make sure i'm happy and will succeed in life, and frankly, if you're applying to better schools, you can't go wrong...i think parents stress out too with new colleges and new experiences, plus applications, so they not only don't want to go through it, but they don't want us to go through it either...not only did you just enter college, but you're applying to go to a whole nother college a year later. its a big move. but i think the easiest way is to explain why we want to make the move, and they'll just make sure we're doing it for legimate reasons, and if we can back our decisions up, then they'll hopefully see our side.<br>
on another note, if they don't approve of the transfer now, still apply! decisions arn't made until may, and a lot of things could change in between then, but you can never go back if you don't apply. you can always turn down the acceptance, but you cant pull an acceptance out of midair.</p>

3

<p>Guys I am an international student in a honors program of a public school and I intend to apply to top schools for transfer. My parents have no problem as it has already been a big big move--I come from the other sider of the globe; whether I transfer or not is not going to affect them. But I find it difficult to approach my professors for writing recommendation letters. I have good relationship with my professors and last week I talked with one of the professors, who wanted me to stay rather than apply to other schools. I don't know how he will recommend me in his letter. </p>

<p>Being an international student makes it more difficult guys--any suggestions on how to approach the whole transfer process as a whole, dealings with the professors, the dean, and the advisor, will be highly appreciated.</p>

<p>By the way, I think your parents will believe you and support you in the process because you deserve better.</p>

<p>Cheers,</p>

4

<p>well, the whole process is like applying for college, all over again...just make sure you get everything that's required in, and do it early (winter break is a good time).
as for professors, you rarely see a professor teaching at a school that he went for undergrad or even grad school for. people change schools to meet their needs, and that's all youre doing. he probably respects you for making decisions like this, but since he is faaculty, ofcourse he's going to want you to stay. he won't write anything badly, especially if he likes you enough to try to persude you to stay.
as for the dean, i'm not even going to mess with that i think. as a first-year, its not worth it i think because it'll just be a typical letter, because he has no clue who i am.
advisor- get to know him/her. they'll write the best recommendation probably.</p>

<p>where are you applying to?</p>

5

<p>thanks for the reply </p>

<p>I m applyin to grinnell, colgate, yale, prob MIT, Amherst, and looking for couple more. I need good amount of financial aid and these are the ones that give international transfer aid. I am in the toughest applicant pool anyway.</p>

6

<p>My parents are sort of happy, because I dont think they really ever wanted me to go to the school that I am currently attending, and they want me to be happy. Think about this way, if your parents are paying tens of thousands of dollars for your education(assuming that they do), wouldnt they want you to be happy with the money they are spending on you?</p>

7

<p>dearsiryes, As a parent, I really appreciate your thoughtfulness on this topic. It is true that hearing you want to transfer can be a source of stress to your parents. It is also true that parents really want you to be happy. Here are a couple of thoughts.</p>

<p>It would be less stressful to me, as a parent, to hear that you would be content to stay where you are, could make a successfull college experience there if it comes to that, but would like to give a try to selected other schools. But that you will be happy whatever the outcome. </p>

<p>If this is <em>not</em> true, then I don't know if there is any way around the stress of it. I think it is so kind of you to not want to stress your parents out or to watch your mother feel hurt. So, in that case, tell them how very sorry you are that this might cause added stress, but that you just feel it is important to give it another try.</p>

<p>It is also possible for you to just go forward with the applications, thereby not stressing your parents at all, and only tell them if you get the positive outcome come decision time. This depends a lot, I guess, on the issue you brought up re application fees. If you need them to pay these, that means you can't just handle it independently. If you can get a temp job or use your allowance or savings or already have a job, this would be an option.</p>

<p>Now, I do think that doing really well in your freshman year can enhance your chances at extremely selective schools. But it is no guarantee. So I hope you are looking realistically (optimistically, is fine, but try to be dispassionately realistic). </p>

<p>Finally, if I were your mother, and you spoke to me about your plans and also had your prof/Dean email me their thoughts and support, I would find that very reassuring.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

8

<p>I hate to be the one that picks the negative subject, but...</p>

<p>With only two or three months in college, you are going to go back to the same schools that rejected you about nine months ago. Has enough really happened in the last nine months to make them change their minds? You won't even have your first quarter/semester grades to show them until Jan/Feb. I'm afraid that the best predictor of how these "elite" colleges will react is what they did last time -- reject you again.</p>

<p>I am NOT an expert at college transfers, so take this with some skepticism. I think if you dream of getting into colleges that rejected you last year, wait until next year. Then, you will have a whole year of college grades to show, and you can put together a better story of why you want to apply again. Right now, it sounds mostly like, "you made a mistake, try me again!" without any real evidence of what has changed.</p>

<p>Best of luck to you.</p>

9

<p>Well the fact is that I was accepted at two of the 10 upper tier schools I applied (both Ivies). But I was not able to attend for a variety of reasons. However, the reason I was not accepted at the other schools was indubitably because of my terrible high school grades. I'm one of those crazy testers, bad GPA people. So this semester, I took a rigorous courseload and am owning my classes. Next semester, I am taking an even more rigorous courseload suited fully to my strengths. So that is the basis for my re applications (also to the two Ivies that accepted me). Mostly though, I'm focusing on UChicago, Dartmouth, Cornell, Rice and Georgetown for specific majors and academic initiatives at each institution.</p>