<p>Yesterday, I was at a local day school for my son to take the SSAT. I waited in the comfortable lobby for a bit, since it was not close enough to my home to bother going back, and the stores were not yet open. A group of students came in and hung out for a while, apparently gathering there for a service project. Several of them were discussing a party they had attended the night before, and went into detail on who got *&$#faced and who threw up. I wasn't trying to eavesdrop- in fact, I was trying NOT to hear their conversations, but some were quite loud. </p>
<p>I know that drinking goes on in most high schools, but the carefree way that these kids talked in front of two parents of applicants- it really left me with a poor impression. </p>
<p>Is it ridiculous for me to hold this against the school?</p>
<p>SnapePotter, your suggestion would be even worse! What a terrible thing to think of those teens.</p>
<p>Rellielou, I would hold it against the school. The students aren’t afraid of consequences, and they don’t seem to care about their school’s reputation. Do the school’s leaders turn a blind eye to teen drinking? Are powerful parents able to shield their children from (deserved) consequences?</p>
<p>All high schools must confront the issue of teen drinking. Some schools have a much more active party scene than others. Do you think your son would be able to resist the party scene?</p>
<p>high school and even middle school drinking and binge drinking is a sad national epidemic. yes you should fault the schools and yes you should fault parents who stupidly treat it as nothing more than a rite of passage. in many cases the schools are too timid about taking it on because they fear parent law suit consequences.</p>
<p>You can’t ignore this. Now, maybe you don’t let it be the sole factor, but a lot of what you gather is randomly acquired information. Maybe you visit one school on a beautiful fall day. And another when it’s sleeting and unseasonably frosty…and that sort of thing you should try to filter. But if you go on a visit and see things that turn you off, you can’t tell yourself that you should discount them because the school would filter them out if they had the chance.</p>
<p>Maybe, on a tour of another school, something worse happened just after you rounded the corner out of view meaning that, but for 5 seconds, you didn’t see a student let the air out of the headmaster’s car or you didn’t see the news story about students arrested at yet a third school for spray-painting swastikas on police cars. You probably wish you had been informed of those things if you later learn about them…so why would you shut out something you do learn?</p>
<p>It’s true that it’s dumb luck that you heard all of this…and your knowledge is far from perfect. Who knows what you might hear if you were a fly on the wall on a Saturday morning at each of the schools you’re considering? But there’s no need to dumb down just to level the playing field. You’re working from scant information, so take what you do know and use it as best you can. It may not be “fair” to the schools to judge them based on an uneven knowledge base, but it’s as fair to you as possible for you to use as much as you do know to your advantage.</p>
<p>Pea-
Students who are applying to prep schools take the SSAT (Secondary School Admission Test-like a junior SAT) at the nearest school offering the test on their preferred date, whether or not it’s a school to which they’re applying. </p>
<p>Rellielou-
I wouldn’t eliminate a school based on this one experience but I’d certainly consider it an important data point and a reason to take a look at a school’s drug & alcohol policies. There are partiers at every school, but I’d want to know how much a part of the mainstream these particular students were and whether hard drinking is a regular part of the school’s social scene. It would certainly raise a red flag.</p>
<p>If it is a local DAY school, why would you blame the school??? The school is not charged with supervising the students on a Friday night - their parents were.</p>
<p>Madaket, a private school student is subject to his school’s code of conduct. The code of conduct is part of the contract signed by his parents at the time of enrollment. The code of conduct often spells out behavior which warrants expulsion, or severe penalties.</p>
<p>Parents can be part of the problem, but that isn’t a mitigating factor when it comes to private school discipline. If school students are willing to speak loudly of riotous parties before adults they don’t know, the school probably has a very active social scene, and the adults at school aren’t seen as a threat.</p>
<p>periwinkle: am familiar with code of conducts for day schools. Do you believe that a day school would have the legal right to intervene, or implement dicsciplinary action for actiivites that take place off school grounds outside of the normal school day? Teen drinking is a pervasivie and disturbing trend - unfortunately schools often have their hands tied because of the legal rights of students often, sadly, invoked by their parents.</p>
<p>I had written something in response to this yesterday, then didn’t post it because I didn’t think I was adding anything or thought my comments might get jumped on. But I see the thread is still alive, and so I’ll throw in my 2¢.</p>
<p>I would hold it against the school — not so much against the administration or even the student body, but against a larger notion of what that specific school represents to prospects such as many of us.</p>
<p>Because it comes down to this: Do I want my kid going to a school where students’ moral compasses are so skewed as to both drink to the vomiting point AND speak about such juvenile excesses proudly and openly within earshot of an adult?</p>
<p>In my case, the answer is “No.” </p>
<p>And truthfully, if I had been in Rellielou’s shoes, I would probably be on the phone to the school this morning — not with any intention of “busting” the kids in question…but just to inform the admin that “Hey, you know, your students may not be doing you any favors in the PR department…” If I were an admin of the school I know that I A) would be extremely embarrassed; and B) would consider ways to address the matter with the student body and parents.</p>
<p>In general, it seems to run in a cycle. A wild party hits the press, or comes to the school’s attention in a way which cannot be overlooked–some students are suspended or expelled–everyone behaves much better for a time, maybe years–students graduate–new parents and students forget, or never realize, that the school can act–things get out of hand–a wild party hits the press, or comes to the school’s attention…</p>
<p>The school may be fine. It’s just a question of timing, perhaps. This school may not have had to discipline students for off-campus behavior within “living” memory, i.e., the memory of current parents and students. Day schools accept many students from public schools, and not all of the students and parents may have realized that the school does follow the official code of conduct. A student can be thrown out of a private school very quickly. </p>
<p>If a wild party has hit the press recently, though, it would be worthwhile to ask if any disciplinary measures were taken. If the students are so bold as to boast of wild drinking parties within adults’ hearing, though, I’d bet that a news report about partying at “the elite ____ private school” is not far off. </p>
<p>If the administrative team doesn’t dare discipline students for off-campus behavior, that’s a red flag.</p>
<p>You are correct in that the same laws do not apply to private schools - they may hold you to a different standard WHILE THE STUDENT IS UNDER THEIR JURISDICTION. The only exception to this is when the students are off campus on a “school sponsored event”.</p>
<p>The Code of Conduct that I am familiar with, and the one that most private day schools use, covers dress code, prohibition on foul language, bullying and drug/alcohol use. It also specifically acknowleges that the school’s jurisdiction does not extend to off-campus situations. It states that in off campus situations, the school will lend support to parents who request assistance in coping with the issue. They also state that they will continue to educate the students about the dangers of alcohol consumption and drug use. All the contract does, when you sign it, is hold your child to the code of conduct, which as stated above, does not extend to off campus events. </p>
<p>My own approach to this is to focus on my own child and their specific ability to avoid these types of situaitons. This will factor into our decision on our choice of schools. I have done extensive research into the social culture of each school we have looked at. I can tell you that when you dig deep, there are few if any schools that come up “lilly white”. I have learned much from perusing the back issues of the school newspapers, which for most schools are on-line. Most schools have these sort of issues - I guess it goes back to knowing your child and finding the best fit for that child.</p>
<p>Kids can be around different types of people and learn a lot from them but not make the same choices they are making. I was friends with partiers in high school, they had a lot to offer me based on who they were as people. I didn’t party myself, it didn’t interest me, but I’m glad I knew these people.</p>
<p>If the OP trusts that her kid isn’t going to drink until he throws up I think that might be more important that whether he goes to a school where other kids do that.</p>
<p>Pea, that’s true, but if the standard answer to the question “What do you want to do this weekend?” is “Party 'til we puke”, as opposed to “See to a movie”, “Go to the basketball game”, “Just hang out” or any of a thousand other answers, then there exists an expectation that kids will drink to excess. It’s always a bit harder to buck the trend than go with the crowd.</p>
<p>I certainly partied in my day and was still a nice, responsible kid, but I would never have bragged about drinking in front of an adult and drinking until we got sick was never considered cool.</p>
<p>Pea - you have a good attitude and I like your approach to the issue. You are right - you can always find something you like about most people if you look hard enough. Should be more teens like you!</p>
<p>Personally, I would absolutely see the incident at the school as a red flag. I would not want my child surrounded by kids who have so little respect for themselves, their school and adults in general that they would talk like that in front you. It seems to indicate that there is a tolerance by the school community of that sort of behavior. That sort of behavior will be most likely be a recurring theme at that school.</p>
<p>I live in the region where the Boca party was busted and I can tell you from personal experience that a lot of parents down here think that teen drinking is no big deal. My son went to a private prep school for 14 years. Most of the kids drank in high school. Parents hosted these events with full knowledge of the alcohol consumption. It was no big deal to them because they let the kids sleep over, so they weren’t driving under the influence. If it was an school function, a dance or prom, party buses were arranged, complete with alcohol. Many times the partying started early in the day, on boats or out on the sandbars. Pictures were posted all over facebook! </p>
<p>I personally disagree with the attitude of the parents and the fact that the school looks the other way because of who these kids are. I did not allow my daughter to attend this high school. She is a good kid and I knew that she would be miserable there because the partyers rule the school. If you are not part if their group, you are a social outcast. Instead, I enrolled her at our local public school. While there are plenty of partyers and kids drinking there, if they get caught at a school function, there are swift consequences. Also, the fact that it is so much larger than the prep school makes it easier for kids to find their own kind. She is a senior this year and I have no regrets about the decision we made for her.</p>