The 5 types of HELICOPTER PARENTS

Parents Forum
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<p>LOL. My son had some pictures posted on a friend's Facebook page that were inappropriate in ways I don't want to go into here (nothing illegal or pornographic). Within an hour WashMom had sent WashDadJr an email that said, "tell your friend to get those off Facebook right now. We have a family attorney and his number is in my cell phone." They were gone this morning. It's not always helicoptering, sometimes it's assisting 18yos in their conversion to mature adults.</p>

<p>FWIW, I support WashMom completely in this, and her email followed my phone call by about 30 minutes. I just didn't use the lawyer.</p>

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<p>Ive always looked at the CC forums as a type of "helicopter parents anonymous" board. I find that if Im commenting on the problems and progress
of OTHER parents students, it keeps me from bugging my D. Besides isnt discussing the 5 types of helicoptering on this board a little like discussing the 5 stages of nerdiness on a Star Trek Board? We are ALL somewhere on
the list.</p>

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<p>Washdad: 18 year olds right. You can't check up on 18 year olds guys enough!</p>

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<p>been searching for the original UT report, but I don't think it exists....perhaps these conference notes (link below) on how to manage helicopter parents (now a money-making venture) is where the type-casting was first made public by Somers:</p>

<p><a href="https://www.pbconferences.com/audio/main.asp?G=2&E=1048&I=1%5B/url%5D"&gt;https://www.pbconferences.com/audio/main.asp?G=2&E=1048&I=1&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>mentions, however, six types, not five.......</p>

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<p>JessieHL: LOL!!! my favorite--campus police to enforce the daughter's 8pm curfew!!</p>

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<p>Wow. I must be the oddball here. I think this is exactly the time that kids should be becoming independent adults, and to disallow this independence only serves to delay adulthood. Kids who are content with this behavior from their parents seem immature, and even spoiled in some cases. Kids who push back seem unfairly pressed to have to fight for the right to learn to be more independent.</p>

<p>Granted, kids may make some poor decisions, but they will learn from them more quickly and more surely than if mommy bailed them out again.
Of course there are cases of serious issues needing parental input, but in general they should be handling it. College is a more protected environment than the real world. They need to get ready.</p>

<p>My daughter is a junior now and I have yet to speak to anyone at her school for any reason. I do give my daughter a few lectures ( probably more than she wants or needs), but at least I am not lecturing her biology professor!</p>

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<p>I started college in 1969 (in the less-conservative-than-midmo's-midwest) and we had co-ed dorms. I don't remember a lot of wild behavior, though maybe that speaks volumes--that I don't remember it, that is).</p>

<p>There are obviously some out-there parents, but I think colleges can convey the limits respectfully and it sounds like not all of them do. My son's college was very welcoming and reassuring and I think that kind of approach probably leads to less panicky contact by parents than a "hands-off" message would.</p>

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<p>If my kids had full scholarships or were paying their own way, I'd be more hands-off. DH and I see education as an investment in our DDs futures. (And most of the $$$ is from us).<br>
We counsel them and listen to them. Guidance. Coaching. Emotional and financial support. (Definitely not calling campus police, administration or teaching staff, though)</p>

<p>We'll never "close the door" but for now it's a pretty secure SCREEN door.</p>

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<p>The term "helicopter parent" is on the level of junior high school name
calling. Every institution that uses that term gets crossed right off
my list. It's a big signal for the kind of respect you would get in dealing
with the administration if your son or daughter had a legitimate complaint.
And why are you dealing with the complaint? Because you can imagine
how far your son or daughter got with an administration that thinks
name-calling is "problem solving".</p>

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<p>I have no problem with the term helicopter parent at all....makes a parent think a bit how involved they are....sometimes you need to exagerate the situation to draw attention to how many parents seem to act</p>

<p>for instance, we don't have children so we can be so that we can nag them all our lives, or to protect them from each and every mistake they need to make</p>

<p>I mean, if you haven't given them the foundation to make good choices, etc by the time they get to college, do you really think that you will have much chance when they are out from under your roof?</p>

<p>I have called my Ds school one time, to clarify something with regards to MY financial paperwork, if other issues have come up, she has dealt with them all</p>

<p>Yes, she may call or email about something that irks her, but she takes pride in dealing with it herself</p>

<p>A few weeks ago, a friend's D went to visit my D at school, to check it out....I called the friend and the girl answered the phone, I asked how NYC was and then asked:</p>

<p>So, how is she>? are her friends nice? How is her dorm? She lke anyone special?" and there was nervous giggle on the other end</p>

<p>I told the girl that I never expected any answer, nor would I want her to give me any, it was just my way of making fun of myself</p>

<p>Sometimes humor goes a long way when dealing with our kids and our reactions and such to their lives</p>

<p>I just find the term funny, and not offensive, because, as you can see, they exist, and yes it is overused in the media, but if it gets some parents to back off and let their kids deal with issues they can indeed handle, good</p>

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<p>Recently, I got to work "behind the table" at our local college fair representing my daughter's college. One mother came up, asked where the college was located, and responded, "Oh, that's too far for me to helicopter!"</p>

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<p>ffscout, that's pretty funny. At least she was "self-aware". LOL. </p>

<p>As usual I think there is a line. Hands-off of everything , no matter the consequences? Uhhh...NO. That wouldn't be my call when she's 35 and with an abusive spouse, had a drug/alchohol problem, or if she is facing career or liberty threatening criminal/professional malfeasance charges, why would it be my call now? (I'm a lawyer for God's sake. It's what I do for a living. I represent people in situations like that, why not my D? ;) ) Now, me even calling a prof/staff member to intercede about an unclear assignment or unfair grade or non-dangerous dorm/campus situation or being left out of the Easter parade? Yeah, right. That ain't gonna happen. LOL.</p>

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<p>Its all about humour and keeping ourselves in check. For those who bristle at the term:
"I think the lady dost protest too much" WS</p>

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<p>WOOOOPS "doth".not dost. duh</p>

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<p>what musicamusica saideth</p>

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<p>So, if I don't like the term "helicopter parent" I am one?</p>

<p>Clever reasoning...</p>

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<p>No, I don't mind the term either--I think it's funny and applies to many parents, including me sometimes. I just think the message from a college to "back off" or that "we can't tell you anything" is disrespectful and inaccurate. Yes, there are parents who want to still micromanage their kids' lives at this point which is inappropriate and not helpful. Wanting to be told if they're in the hospital does not qualify as helicoptering, imo.</p>

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<p>And I think kids and parents can negotiate this themselves. No call for administrators to brand parents with labels because it makes their job harder.
Most kids would not want their parents interceding at every turn and would put a stop to it themselves. My certainly would. I daughter would not let me call res life after her tenth phone call about the mice in her dorm/apartment. And I didn't.</p>

<p>She often says, "You can't do anything" when I know I could. But I don't.</p>

<p>Agree with curm's assessment a 100% except I'm not a lawyer.</p>