<p>I hope most who have been around will see @Dodgersmom as part rant born of frustration with some of the less “delicate” ways in which FA news is being delivered by some of the schools, and part satire. I’ve come to know her heart over time and it’s in the right place.</p>
<p>Been there, very trying, frustrating time and finally out of the woods. A little faith in the big guy upstairs, a lot of patience and perseverance. It really puts life into perspective. Hang in there and good luck.</p>
<p>Definitely, ExieMITAlum. I assume that it’s a general frustration, that Aunt Whateverhernameis is a metaphor, the 10% figure is just a perception, etc. In fact all of it is pretty much just personal perception…but in articulating her personal perceptions she raises interesting questions for parents and calls attention to a big dilemma that admissions/financial aid offices face. Most of all, it’s a good introduction to just one of the sources of frustration that many applicants will get hit with in the coming weeks as things unfold, often in very unexpected ways. I thought it was a great conversation-starter because it led to lots of interesting perspectives. I’ve enjoyed following this one.</p>
<p>I’ve stayed out of this thus far . . . I’m still a bit amazed at the great brouhaha I started.</p>
<p>But I will clarify one point. Although I took significant creative liberty with my original post, the 10% was not a fiction. That is, indeed, the figure I was given by at least one school (and possibly two, if memory serves correctly) of the number of FA waitlisted families at that school who indeed find a way to come up with the missing funds after being advised that financial aid is not available. Ten percent is not an insignificant number. What it means . . . I will leave to all of you to sort out.</p>
<p>I’m a boondock parent myself, considering what to do for son number 2, who is leaning toward not applying to boarding school. Despite the lack of activities/tutors in our area, I think it’s still possible to piece together a good education for him, despite our location. We’re currently considering a combination of community college classes; AP testing through supplemental study or on-line classes;and summer camps for foreign language, sports, music–whatever gaps need filling. While all that stuff can seem costly, life as a bs parent (even with significant FA) has shown me that all of that would still be much less than the expense of boarding school. </p>
<p>There are kids–like my oldest–for whom boarding school is simply the best fit because they are fish out of water in a small town or rural area. But I think BostDad has a valid point to make about cost vs. benefit, even for those of us with less than stellar public schools.</p>
<p>@classicalmama: agreed BUT I neglected to mention that the level of intervention you describe is also not possible when both parents work full-time (and must). So there’s the money, the time, and, not mentioned yet, the peer group. There was research a few years back (mind you, it’s good to be VERY skeptical about social science research) showing that the three most influential relationships for students are 1) family 2) peer group 3) teacher – in that order. We can provide the family, but the peer group here is lacking, and the teacher quality is inconsistent at best. Of course, each child has different needs and should be treated as such. Most importantly, what I see around me is that the kids who do thrive locally have at least one dedicated full-time parent at their disposal and lots of income. Defensive? Yeah, a little. BS has been fantastic for the kids, but not without real emotional and economic hardship for all of us. I envy people with good local options. If we had them, we surely wouldn’t do this.</p>
<p>wcmom: Admittedly, my husband and I are teachers so we have schedules that are more flexible than most. Still I don’t think most of the stuff I mentioned requires a full-time parent at home (note that I didn’t mention homeschooling–also a viable alternative to bs for some, but not for me since I started working again.) </p>
<p>I agree with you about the need for a good peer group. That, bottom line, is mostly what sent kid number one off to boarding school. Kid number 2 has a small but solid group of good friends, which is all anyone needs, really. </p>
<p>I sort of agree about teachers–but in my experience mediocre or overworked teachers can be enriched with the stuff I mentioned above. </p>
<p>However, true that my plan B will only work with kids who really want it to work because–as you point out–most of us aren’t around to supervise their activities, and they’ll have to be highly self-motivated. If my kid wants to do the self-study AP route to get into a good college from out very forgettable town, he’s going to need to do that work on his own, after school, after sports and other activities. It will make for a full schedule, but not, I think, fuller than his brother’s day at prep school. </p>
<p>I think you’re being honest about the emotional cost of sending kids off to bs, which I can relate to and appreciate. And I do see that for some families, bs really is the best option–it’s still a very real possibility for our kid. Just want to offer some possibilities to other parents stuck on the horns of our dilemma! :)</p>
<p>Certainly arriving at Andover 40 years ago, it was the first time I felt I was actually in a peer <em>group</em>, and that’s despite growing up in a major metropolitan area. Learning how to function in such a group is in fact important; whether I could just as well have had that experience in a large public high school (rather than the private school I had been in), or whether that experience can wait until college so long as there are at least a few peers available (which there was), is one of those questions I can’t go back and answer. I know it was the first place I felt at “home” in a real sense (despite the academics being “interesting” for the first half of the first year).</p>
<p>The parts of Appalachia I’ve spent time in are/were very rural indeed, and little is available within feasible commuting distance, and finding even one “peer” would be extremely tough.</p>
<p>So it’s hard to know without tons of information what the “right” answer for any family will be, even if knowable.</p>
<p>Also, do not forget that family circumstances can be hard (sometimes through no fault of the parents at all; for example, due to physical or mental illness of the parents, or care for grand parents or disabled siblings). My family was certainly challenged in this way at several points. Being out of a bad situation may be the best way to protect an adolescent. So whether the family can in fact support a bright child properly also varies; then alternatives are often best. The support I found and needed at Andover was great; much less so when I was in college at MIT :-(.</p>
<p>On the original premise of why families might apply for aid if they had resources to tap: if you use Exeter’s financial calculator as a general guide, it intimates that families making a high income (but not millionaires) might be eligible – although the PFS is pretty blunt and may not agree with that assessment.</p>
<p>Out of curiosity I put in the highest amount ($200,000+) and entered a family of four and got the following response from the calculator:</p>
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<p>So I can understand how a family with a similar income (or lower income) would fill out the PFS believing they might be eligible for partial aid and be shocked when a school decides they are not or waitlists them because they don’t have the funds available - especially from schools with smaller endowments. Hence families who can will look for ways to find the funds (equity, retirement, etc.) I don’t think that means they were fraudulent up front. $50,000 is a lot of money and doesn’t include expenses.</p>
<p>On the other hand, FA is not always based solely on family resources, but might also be based on scholarship money allocated for certain attributes (sports, arts, left-handed debaters, etc.) that are funded by donors. For instance, one local school turned down the high testing sibling of a family (let’s call them the Sampsons) whose other children had been successful there but needed full aid. A local philanthropist found out through the grapevine and started a scholarship with the stipulation that any distributions be allocated to children whose last name was Sampson. Hence another family might not be eligible to receive aid from that fund because they don’t fit the profile. The “pot” is invisible to outside observers and thus looks “unfair.” I think that may be why families with identical financial resources might get different outcomes for FA.</p>
<p>It’s a rough economic times with many endowments down from when the market was at its peak. And many families that once could have written a check are now needing help. That was true in the example I gave above where several full pay families saw their “wealth” evaporate in a down market and became FA applicants. Those families had to be served first and some left to return to suburban public schools.</p>
<p>In the downturn, some schools stopped being need blind and have become need-aware. Years ago, Exeter created a special fundraising campaign to fund an endowment especially for middle class families. Even so, most prudent management practices dictate that only a portion of money can be spent from an endowment or scholarship pool in order to maintain the principal amount. So even with partial aid, the number of families that can be funded is very tight. The math pretty much spells this out.</p>
<p>For example: Northfield Mount Hermon has approx 670 students and 40% receive aid. Their site says that the incoming ninth grade class totals about 100 students. If the percentage is the same as the general population it means only 40 students will get full or partial FA. That results in a lot of otherwise strong/eligible students who must be turned down because there isn’t enough funding for them all. So the numbers put things in perspective. There are probably more applicants needing aid then not needing it and being declined may not reflect the student or family’s value - just the reality of a budget that is not unlimited.</p>
<p>(I just want to thank everyone for the kind words of encouragement and the PMs, too. Thank you.)</p>
<p>Weatherby, I just read your news. I am so sorry. We have had 2 boys with concussions in our close circle of friends in the last month alone and it can be agonizing. I hope you and he ride out this storm and he has a full recovery.</p>
<p>Bumping this thread for parents whose child has been accepted, but without sufficient financial aid, or is on a FA waitlist.</p>
<p>This was quite a lively discussion last year, and there are lots of interesting perspectives.</p>
<p>Great find, mountainhiker. I love this thread. I learned a lot from it from so many people. I even found a few new pearls (or re-encountered ones I shouldn’t have forgotten) this time skimming through it.</p>
<p>glad this thread was bumped as we are contemplating this very question. We cannot afford BS on our own, and my daughter was wait-listed for three schools because they wouldn’t give us FA. My DH and I have been mulling over the pros and cons of asking our parents to chip in. I don’t think I’d even ask if it was for the whole amount, but if we got an offer and the FA was too low, I might. I <em>think</em> he could do it but I’m not sure (he doesn’t talk to me about how much money he has; he has been putting money aside for their college already (in 10 years he’s put aside $60,000 for each of the 4 grandchildren - that’s not exactly rolling in dough) and so the question for us is, would I ask him to basically give us our inheritance now, when we need it, instead of sometime down the road? Or is that stupid because we’ll need it to retire on - retirement is mandatory, boarding school is optional! (I also happen to know he’s “invested” a ton of money in my brother’s start-up business that may or may not ever pay off - isn’t this an investment too?)
So every family is different - there are no rich aunts in our picture - for us there are the complicated feelings that come up when I ask someone for something.</p>
<p>I don’t know jahphotogal, I think it very much depends on the family dynamics. I come from a relatively large family and have plenty of siblings, all of whom are very competitive with one another. Our parents were very successful. I can tell you that in my family, if they gave to one grandchild and not equally to all the rest, World War III would ensue. Wouldn’t matter that their might be resources in an account for later use by the others, it would be perceived as them favoring one grandchild. So if your family is more of the peaceful go with the flow model, then it seems like a good way to help you get the financing you need. But if your family is even remotely like mine, I would tread lightly!</p>
<p>This may be a naive question: Do you get a heads up from admissions office (letter, email or phone call) if the main reason for WL is FA application? I simply thought that if you applied for FA and then were put on WL, FA application could have been a significant factor in WL decision. Obviously, FA application pools are twice more competitive than FP pools for most of the schools, right?</p>
<p>Harvest, that’s exactly my point - it’s why we haven’t already asked. (there’s also an awkward stepmother situation - she ha a lot more money than he does, but I doubt she’d spend it on her step-granddaughter! (she’s been married to my dad since I was 17 but she still looks at us as ‘steps.’</p>
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<p>Varies from one school to the next. A financial aid issue could result in a FA waitlist, a plain waitlist, or a flat out denial. We’ve gotten all three. (And, yes, I know the denial was due to financial need - the AO told me.) I’ve never had reason to inquire further when we got a plain waitlist because it wouldn’t have made any difference for us - there is no rich aunt waiting in the wings. If you’re wondering, I’d just ask.</p>
<p>We asked for partial aid in spite of SSS EFC being very close to FP and ended up with acceptances with no FA.
We may be the 10% that magically commits or join the 90%.</p>
<p>Spouse and DC think No BS due to the cost.</p>
<p>Im thinking DC could reapply next year to 10th grade FP since 150K sounds a lot better than 200K. Also, we may get more acceptances to choose from than this year applying as FA, and DC would be older and more ready.</p>
<p>Still, before starting 1) genealogy project in search of DAT (illusive Higgs Aunt could be found??), 2) interview for a mafia hit man job, 3) signing the deal with the devil, etc.</p>
<p>My questions on BS FP are:</p>
<p>1) What about College costs?</p>
<p>Did your BS cost affect College choices?</p>
<p>For us, BS means State University. (unless scholarship of course, not qualified for need basis though.)
I think that this is a fine path, so this one is less of a problem for us.</p>
<p>2) What about Sibling?</p>
<p>On top of going from rice and beans to rice or beans at home, we will have to say sorry no monies for you honey.</p>
<p>Can one be accepted to a BS with FA while another sibling is in the same or another BS as FP??? </p>
<p>3) Are there additional benefits of partial <20% FA?
Should we pursue it? (We are offered no Aid.)</p>
<p>A friend had been offered <20% FA at one school and chose another school with no FA, and regretted it as things got very tight and worse over the years.
Is there anything I should be aware of before giving up on FA? (other than commitments for the whole 3-4 BS years)
Are there benefits that FP students are not eligible? (such as lessons, travels, etc?)</p>
<p>Thank you all for wonderful support and shared wisdom.</p>
<p>Eternally grateful,</p>
<p>College: you’re aware of your options - choose an affordable school or get really good merit aid.</p>
<p>Sibling FA: You should ask the schools ahead of time whether you might be eligible for FA for Child #1 when Child #2 starts boarding school. Ordinarily aid would be adjusted to take the second child into account . . . but where you’d be starting out with zero aid for Child #1 (and potentially not even applying for aid for that child), I’m not sure what would happen. As a rule, if you don’t apply for FA at the outset, you don’t get it at all over the four years. But if you explain the sibling situation ahead of time, who knows? Ask each school before Child #1 applies (or enrolls, as the case may be).</p>
<p>I would expect Child #2 to be eligible for aid . . . but School #2 would ordinarily expect School #1 to pick up some of the slack. So, if School #1 says no, the aid you get from School #2 might not be sufficient.</p>
<p>FA for lessons, travel, etc.: Different schools handle this differently. At some schools, if a student receives partial FA, that student would get partial aid for special activities also. At other schools, it’s handled differently. I would assume that if a student is full pay, that student would be expected to pay the full cost of all activities. You need to ask each school its policies.</p>
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<p>One of my favorite lines ever!!! Do you mind if I use it?</p>