<p>The selection is done. D1 made a very practical choice. She's happy with it. And I'm grateful for the affordable selection, know she'll get a solid education, but I'm ambivalent. I find myself coming here, trying to soak up the excitement of the parents who get to take a kid away to college (d1's school is 10 minutes from our house, but yes she'll be living on campus), who get to plan and pack and worry about what might be forgotten. Who get to say good-bye, see you at Christmas. </p>
<p>You’ll get to do the same. The packing and the unpacking is the part that is work. The ride in between can be 10 minutes or 10 hours. After you do it once, you wish it were 10 minutes. Congratulations.</p>
<p>You can still pack and plan, although you don’t have to worry about anything she might have forgotten! </p>
<p>There’s often a let down after a hard and long slog through admissions season, even if your kid goes miles away. There will be plenty of time this summer to obsess about XL sheets and class schedules…</p>
<p>I guess it comes with being a parent. There is always something to be ambivalent or worried about! What helps me at times like that is to remember all there is to be grateful for, and to focus on that. Many parents would be thrilled to be in your shoes. Good luck to you & your daughter! She’s happy with her decision…what a wonderful thing to be able to say.</p>
<p>I think you should be dancing! Your beautiful girl is growing up, graduating from high school!! and going to college. She made a good decision and you should step back and take it all in. Seems to me that this is the time for you to be doing the victory dance. You did it! You raised a successful, practical, young woman and here you are. Congratulations to you and your family!!! You done good.</p>
<p>Come back to us in, say, November, and let us know how often you really got to see your daughter because it’s probably going to be less than you think. Oh, and here’s a couple of good points: you don’t have to get a hotel room for parents’ weekends, if you forget to reserve a room for graduation a year in advance you won’t be sleeping in your car, if (heaven forbid) she becomes ill at school, you can be there ASAP, and if need be, you can be the parents who bring food or hang things in the dorm when needed. It’s all good.</p>
<p>I know exactly how you feel. D3 ended up at the school closest to home, and we both had some moments of regret that she wasn’t packing up to go halfway across the country. But it turns out that living on campus is entirely different, even if it’s a place you thought you were thoroughly familiar with.</p>
<p>Could part of the ambivalence be because the search process is over? You’ve lived with it for a couple of years now, probably, narrowing from thousands to just one. Sometimes, no matter how much we look forward to something being over, it can leave an empty space that we don’t know how to fill. Time for a new hobby?</p>
<p>I like to warn d2 that now I can focus all my attention on her</p>
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<p>Bahaha! Tell her, “Oh, I think we’ll take the by-pass.” She’d really think I’d lost it.</p>
<p>Yeah, you’re probably all right. The search is over. And it was fun, probably because it was pretty low stress. D1 had the stats to put her in the top 25% of all the schools she was considering. </p>
<p>I am grateful for the great financial deal. It’s just for years, d1 said she wanted to go away to school. I told her it was still possible, but not without loans. She turned down the loans and stayed local. And, as she said, “Nobody’s more surprised than I am.” But, I’m a practical person, too. Turned down state flagship to attend a small LAC that gave me a great deal. Wasn’t my first choice, but I loved it by the time I was done.</p>
<p>It might help you to know that I felt ambivalent once the decision was made that PMKjr was going to attend school 2000 miles from home. In making that choice he turned down a college that is a four hour drive from our home. </p>
<p>I think maybe it’s coming to terms with the parts that are different than we thought they’d be. Yes, of course, I felt grateful and all of that but I had dreams about what being the mother of a college student would be like and mine didn’t involve the big goodbye sending him far, far away but rather taking him to dinner every couple of weeks, making it to big games and the such. So, I had to let go of that and adjust to a new reality.</p>
<p>Last weekend we drove S1 6 hours to return him to school after spring break because he wanted to bring a bike and to get rid of about 50% of the in his dorm room. (winter gear, unused clothing, etc) Then H and I had the “joy” of driving 6 hours back home. </p>
<p>S2 is potentially down to two schools, one of which is 10 minutes from our house. I will be thrilled to not have to worry about his long car rides home for the holidays through snow storms, hauling everything at once to the dorm and the not being able to see him when he is ill. Our neighbors have two girls at the local U and I watched them load up two cars and a trailer for the 10 minute journey. The difference being that they did not pack as efficiently as us long distance travelers. They do not see their girls often, but they do get one extra bonus. Both girls have brought home friends and I think it helps when you get to meet who your kids are hanging out with.</p>
<p>Chances are great that your D will totally absorb herself in school and you will find yourself wondering if you will get to see her before Christmas.</p>
<p>There are benefits to being close to Home- you will get to meet her friends that she brings home - because they couldn’t go home for a holiday. You will get to to a “Mom” to other college kids missing their mom.</p>
<p>OP- there is a whole branch of behavioral economics that deals with the phenomenon you describe. To oversimplify- people are happier buying a tube of toothpaste when there are 5 varieties to choose from, than they are if they have to buy one tube out of a shelf full of 18 varieties. Or jam- people who like apricot jam enjoy choosing apricot over strawberry and cherry, but get very frustrated if they then need to decide among 15 options of apricot- reduced sugar, whole fruit, gourmet vs. natural, organic vs. local, etc.</p>
<p>I suspect you are now exhibit A of this phenomenon. Given so many overwhelming options, it is indeed frustrating to have made a decision. In our day, when so many of us were deciding between local college and college an hour away, it seemed much more satisfying to be over and done with the process. My guess is your ambivalence isn’t as much a factor of the distance as it is the overall complexity of the process.</p>
<p>I am happy for you that you are done! You will all be so grateful for the ease of getting home that first bout of flu, or when her eyeglasses break, or she develops an allergic reaction to her detergent, or whatever little catastrophes crop up freshman year!</p>
<p>^^Interesting. 1. Because it means my feelings are not odd at all and 2. I often find myself staring at jelly, trying to figure out what brand to buy (although my decision is, invariably, with the cheapest).</p>
<p>My daughter got into Northwestern, which is not far from our house at all, and where I went to grad school, and I would have loved her to have gone there. I wouldn’t have gone there all the time, or whatnot, but she could have come home whenever she wanted, or when she was sick, or blah, blah, blah.</p>
<p>For her own reasons, she chose another place, far away, and I still wish she’d chosen the closer option. I don’t think she’ll ever move back to Chicago. I think you’re really, really fortunate. JMO.</p>
<p>OL - Do / did you have depression-era parents? I can identify with with the jelly stare. When my parents were retired and had a good standard of living + assets in the bank, they’d still go to McDonalds, buy one Double Hamburger (hold the cheese - it costs 20 cents extra), take it apart and each eat half, and get one sundae and turn the lid into a bowl so that they could split it. I’m still trying to break out of the obsessive-frugality mold myself. :)</p>
<p>^ Yes, I do! My mother re-uses aluminum foil and has the world’s largest collection of oleo tub “tupperware” known to humankind.</p>
<p>FWIW, “Garden Club” is the cheapest jelly AND it comes in a glass jar that can be used as a drinking glass. The glass is kind of pretty, too. The kids said to me one day, “Mom, how sad it is that the “good” glasses are jelly glasses.” Hey, I learned from the master.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth - even though I was absolutely delighted to have both kids hit the jackpot in early decision last December – there was actually a part of me that had really enjoyed getting to know many of the schools they had looked at, and I almost felt like “Well, now that’s over with … I was just starting to get to know / like XX school, and now they can’t be my friend anymore.” I know that’s silly, but that’s how I felt. And indeed, it’s almost been more fun that D got into a school that’s new to us, because even though we’re thrilled for S that he got into our alma mater, it’s almost … well, not as interesting to us. We know the campus, we know the ins and outs, there’s not a lot new for us to absorb or discover there.</p>
<p>Much of it is the let down that comes with over a year over effort at choosing and having it be over. With my older son, I remember thinking “that’s it”?? This is what we spent so much time worrying about. Of course, with S2 I am still in the waiting and worrying part.</p>
<p>With S1, it felt like it took a lot of time and effort to figure out possible options (done mostly by me as the guidance counselors were not much help and my boys were not very interested during junior year), set up and visit, SATs, setting up the list, the application process itself, and the waiting. When the last envelope came and the choice was clear, it felt exciting, but somewhat of a letdown. Of course, that feeling didn’t last long with the end of senior year fun and before we knew it we were driving to his college 5.5 hours away. The drive does get old fast, as all they want you to do is dump and run! </p>
<p>As S1 is now graduating college, it feels like it all went by too quickly. I still have S3 for more CC fun and games in the future.</p>