The Essay grading game!!

<p>Here’s what we’re going to do… </p>

<p>Post your SATI essay, but don’t say what your score was right away, and we’ll see how close we can get to your actual score (on scale of 2-12). Please don’t negatively criticize anyone’s efforts. If you have CONSTRUCTIVE criticism then, by all means, post it.</p>

<p>I’ll start with mine:</p>

<p>Assignment: Does the success of a community–whether it is a class, a team, a family, a nation, or any other group–depend upon people’s willingness to limit their personal interests? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<pre><code> The successes of a community, whether locally or internationally, are indubitably determined by the willingness of individuals within that community to impose personal limits on themselves. This fact can be exemplified in America all the way from the nation’s founding to its present state and also in literature.
A popular topic currently pertaining to the issue is the Patriot Act. Many people have argued that it unreasonably limits the freedoms of American citizens. However, the majority of Americans have accepted the burden on their freedoms for the greater good. An instance of when the Patriot Act has worked occurred approximately three years ago when a California man had planned to construct and later detonate a “dirty bomb” in Los Angeles. This act would have killed, according to estimates, at least half a million people in the immediate vicinity of the explosion. Thus, the sacrifice of personal freedoms was able to save lives.
Historically speaking, the American Revolution can be taken into account. Prior to the outbreak of war the British East India Tea Company had been given a complete monopoly over the tea imports in America by the British King George. Though this act made tea significantly cheaper for the colonists, it would have devastated tea merchants. Recognizing the negative effects the acceptance this monopoly would have had on American merchants, the community at large defied the will of the British King, and in the Boston Tea Party dumped over a million British pounds (currency) of tea into the Boston Harbor. Again, the community unified to defend its members even though they were a minority.
Literature provides another terrific example of unification. In Twain’s [underlined] The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn [/underlined] Huckleberry expressed a massive internal conflict between his desire to follow the rules of society and his desire to help his friend Jem escape from slavery. Huckleberry sacrificed his own freedom, he could have been hung as a conspirator, to aid Jem in the discovery of his own.
Thus, the world is filled with examples of people coming together for the greater good even if it requires the limitations of their own cherished liberties.
</code></pre>

<li>Yes, I made stuff up.</li>
</ol>

<p>The essay depends a large part on how much space you filled on those two pages. You didn't specify how much of the two pages you filled. In my opinion, I'd say like 9, but if you've been reading the boards lately, the grading is insanely subjective. I know people who have done a **** poor job but got 12's because they filled up the pages. Length counts way more than quality.</p>

<p>Anyway, here's mine. Same topic:</p>

<p>The old adage "you must give some to get some" hold true in this case. A community, a nation or a family can only succeed if the individuals are willing to sacrafice some of their freedoms for the greater good.
This is exemplified in the English philosopher John Locke's theory. Locke posited that every man must relenquish some of their freedoms in what he termed a "social contract". His philosophy states that in order for man to have security from his fellow citizens in the community,</p>

<p>The essay depends a large part on how much space you filled on those two pages. You didn't specify how much of the two pages you filled. In my opinion, I'd say like 10, but if you've been reading the boards lately, the grading is insanely subjective. I know people who have done a psss poor job but got 12's because they filled up the pages. Length counts way more than quality.</p>

<p>It doesn't look like you filled all 2 pages. I think you could've gotten a 12 if you added more on the Literature example. It looks like you snuck Huckleberry Finn in and ran out of time.</p>

<p>Anyway, here's mine exactly as I wrote it. I filled like 1.6 pages, Same topic:</p>

<p>The old adage "You must give some to get some" hold true in this case. A community, a nation or a family can only succeed if the individuals are willing to sacrafice some of their freedoms for the greater good.
This is exemplified in the English philosopher John Locke's theory. Locke posited that every man must relenquish some of their freedoms in what he termed a "social contract". His philosophy states that in order for man to have security from his fellow citizens in the community, he must relenquish some of his rights to the government. The government consequently endowes all men to the rights of life, liberty and property. This joint agreement protects a man from the evils of others in the community.
The antithesis of the situation is revealed in the movie "Lord of the Flies." In this film, a group of choirboys are marooned on a island during the course of WWII. With the pilot, who is the only adult, dead, the children are left to institute their own government. At first, under the leader of Ralph, the boys establish an effective system of government. The community thrives because every member agreeingly relenquishes some of their freedoms to Ralph. However, as time passes, factions begin to emerge and an opposing leader, Jack, ganers the favor of some of the other choirboys. In consequence of the developing rivalry between Jack and Ralph and their two systems of government, the community begins to develope a bitter antipathy among its members. Eventually, Jacks more savage and totalitarian form of government spirals out of control and Jack's boys lead a coup against Ralph. Its success marks the groups retrogression from the democracy that Ralph had established to the anarchy that Jack had formed. Members of Jack's clan begin killing off boys who are still loyal to Ralph and in the end Ralph is left fleeing for his dear life in a manhunt to kill him.
In light of this it is evident that giving up some of one's rights serves to better oneself and the community.</p>

<p>And I got an ess to the Evan. I dunno, I thought I did better than that. If anyone can comment on my essay, flame it, whatever, I'd be really happy. Please have some sort of constructiveness.</p>

<p>I have nothing to do...might as well type up my essay:</p>

<p>Q: Is it best not to change our ideas, opinions, or behaviors?</p>

<p>p1
It is often crucial and beneficial to change our ideas, opinions and behaviors. The world is an ever-changing place, and it is critical that human beings adapt to these changes. Examples can be found in history.
Benefits of change are evident in the Civil Rights movement. It had been a long held belief of many Americans that Blacks were inherently inferior to Whites, and so deserved fewer rights and opportunities. Even when slavery ended with the Civil War in the 1860s (Note: I actually wrote 1960s by mistake...felt pretty stupid when I saw that later), the freedom of the Black race was limited. The South used Jim Crow laws to keep Blacks "separate but equal." Although Black facilities were usually anything but "equal" to their white counterparts, the Supreme Court Case Plessy vs. Fergusen declared this policy to be constitutional. However, nearly a hundred years later, the Supreme Court nullified its previous decision in the case Brown vs. Board of Education. The court ruled that separate facilities, in particular, schools, could not be constitutionally segregated. Black children now have the same opportunities as white children. In this situation, the court's policy change was for the better.
p2
Change can also be seen as a good thing when new scientific discoveries abound. Beginning in the late nineteenth century with Darwin's theory of natural selection, evolutionary biologists have uncovered plentiful evidence that life evolved from a few amino acids and that species adapt and change. Most people were slow to accept this theory, as it blatantly goes against the Christian story of creationism. Today, many people still don't believe in natural selection. In the early 19th century, though, evolution could not be taught in schools. However, the Scopes Monkey Trial, while it did not prove evolution to be true, forced Christians, like William Jennings Bryan, to acknowledge that other opinions were possible. It was not long before evolution was taught in schools, giving students a more comprehensive view of science.
Change is often beneficial and necessary. This is clear from examples found in history, such as the Civil Rights movement and the controversy over evolution being taught in schools.</p>

<p>So guess my grade, if you wish. I know the intro and conc stink, but the important thing is to have them, and spend more time on the content, as far as I've seen.</p>

<p>I don't think it's so much a question of length as of detail. If it's 2 pages of details that help explain the example, great. If it's 2 pages of rambling, not great. For the first one, I would say 9 or 10, mostly because of details, esp for the Huck Finn one. For the second, your first example needs details, and it's not really much of an example- it's just a theory. You didn't talk about anything that actually happened involving the theory. It's just like saying, my position is right b/c Locke said the same thing. You didn't prove that what you, or Locke, said was right. The second example had a lot of details, pretty good. If you had more support like that, I'm sure your score would've been higher.</p>

<p>writon, your essay was the best of them all. i would give it an 11 (possibley 12).</p>

<p>writon id give it a 12... based on your transitions and flow of language its good plus details are nice</p>

<p>Thanks. I got an 11.</p>

<p>Wierd. I was taught that it's better to have a better intro + conclusion than body.</p>

<p>that's true....which is evident when I got a 12</p>

<p>10 Sounds more accurate</p>

<p>Glucose, can you post yours?</p>

<p>the funny thing is..it isn't that great...that's why I don't know why yall try so hard</p>

<p>I could email it to you?</p>

<p><a href="mailto:magicmonkey07@gmail.com">magicmonkey07@gmail.com</a></p>

<p>thanks</p>

<p>heres my essay.
Assignment: Is it necessary to make mistakes, even when doing so has negative consequences for other people? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>The CEO of AOL Time Warner, Ted Turner has said "To increase your rate of success;double your rate of mistakes".I agree with him.Mistakes are essential for development in all spheres.It is necessary to mistakes, even if doing so has a negative consequence on others.In the field of technology and even in history we have examples that justify this thesis.</p>

<p>Microsoft launched it Windows 98 operating system on teh 25th of May,1998.The operating system was a tremendous success.The magnitude of success was so high that, Microsoft came under pressure to develop a worthy follow-up.It was then that Microsoft chairman Bill Gates faced a choice.He could either launch another operating system codenamed-Windows M.E., within a year or he could wait for a while and put his time and effort into another project.He chose the former.This decision of Microsoft created havoc in the computer world.Windows ME was nothing more than a glorified Windows 98.It containted lots of errors and bugs that were to prove damaging for many users and companies.However, Bill Gates and CO. were unfazed.They had expected such a response.When asked, why he chose to launch the ME operating system, Bill said that it gave him a chance to learn and analyze Microsoft's weaknesses and prepare for the future.His decision did pay off.After 2 years of M.E's launch, Microsoft launches a new and error-free operating system, Windows XP that met critical and commerical success.
It was only because Microsoft, made a mistake and that too one that had negative consequences was it able to achieve its goal.</p>

<p>Even history has shown us how neccessary it is to make mistakes.During the late 1890's, Italy was engaged in a fierce battle for supremact with England.Italian general Benito Mussolini was determined to defeat the English.One day,Mussolini recieved information that the English troops led by James II were planning to launch a suprise attack on the city of Parma.It was then that Benito had to make a decision.He could fight the English who were much larger in number or he could surrender.He decided to fight.Although he lost all his men in battle and barely managed to stay alive himself, he learnt valuable lessons and gained a lot of information about the British.The information proved to be very vital.Italy was able to defeat England in the First Anglo-Italian War at Napoli in 1901.Mussolini's decision proved to be a mistake that costed hundreds of lives but it ultimatly helped him attain success.</p>

<p>"Failures are stepping stones to success" is an oft-repeated saying that has more than a shade of truth in it.We can amke mistakes, and then learn from them.It doesnt matter if our mistakes do have a negative consequence as long as we learn from them and then work towards our goal.At the end of the day, if we achive our goal then the very people who were threated by our mistake might benefit from it or feel happy from us.</p>

<p>tell me what y'all thing.. ill post the score later..</p>

<p>I thought it was good: Two quotes, lots of historical info, current events info, and details. I would give it a 12 and I especially thought it good that you were able to write a full intro and conclusion even if "...happy from us," wasn't the greatest ending.</p>

<p>10 or 11...I think it's odd that you know what Ted Turner said, so that would lead me to think you made it up (thought you probably didn't), but from a grader's point of view. Not enough examples...you rambled too much on the Microsoft issue.</p>

<p>Graders don't care if you make stuff up. I think it was very good. You didn't need more examples- good details, like you had, are more important than tons of examples. I think two developed examples would beat out an essay with a bunch of poorly explained ones. Quotes really aren't necessary for a good essay, but they definitely help it. I'd say 11 or 12.</p>

<p>i am not too worried about the esasy portion for the SAT. I think, for me, it won't be too bad because I am a pretty good writer. My sister (7th grade) took the SAT as a part of John Hopkins talented youth program, and she scored a 7. With that said, I think I should score a minumum 10...and hopefully a 12. I am a superb BS'er. </p>

<p>MED786</p>

<p>i got a 11...
lol i know the endings quite corny...</p>

<p>where did u get your graded essays?</p>