The Essay Grading Thread

Test Preparation
1

<p>I'm not sure how good of an idea this is, but I thought that maybe we should have people who want their essays graded all in one thread. </p>

<p>RULES
You must grade the essay above yours unless it is marked with "freebie". Then, you can either post your own essay, or declare a freebie (which means that you will post no essay) so that the next poster after your post, does NOT need to grade an essay. </p>

<p>INSTRUCTIONS
In order to avoid getting "ninja-ed" (two people respond to the same post), you're going to first post "I got this/ this is mine." or something of that sort so that others know that that essay is taken. Then you edit that post with (1) Your essay-grade for the above post (2) Your own essay/freebie.</p>

<p>In the case of a freebie, you should also post "this is mine" to avoid getting "ninja-ed". </p>

<p>Also, in order to avoid cheap grades, you must post at least 3 reasons why you gave that person the grade that you gave them. (Ex: Too much summary, incorrect grammar, etc). Please try to have detailed reasons. </p>

<p>Here's the SAT rubric. Giving a range score is ok (Ex: 3-4)
SAT</a> Reasoning Test - Essay Scoring Guide</p>

<p>Ok, I don't have an essay, so next poster can just post his/her essay.</p>

2

<p>Here’s my essay to start this up.</p>

<p>The essay topic: Do success and happiness depend on the choices people make rather than on factors beyond their control?</p>

<p>People achieve success when they have the bravery and strength of character to stand up for their beliefs and challenge “what is”, because only by pursuing their own personal morality can they transcend the external factors that are “beyond their control.” For example, both Benjamin Franklin and Galileo Galilei stood up for theirs views on liberty and scientific liberty, respectively, in order to brighter, more politically and intellectually enlightened futures for themselves and everyone else. Only by facing the crucible of societal doubt with a relentless and harrowing drive can people attain success and happiness.</p>

<p>The conflict between Galileo and the Church perfectly exemplifies how intrepidity in face of ignorance can lead to success no matter the possible occlusions. Galileo was a sixteenth century philosopher, physicist, and astronomer, who proved the heliocentric model: the Earth and other planets orbit the Sun. To us, today, this “revelation” barely warrants notice. In the dark ages, however, cosmology was heavily intermingled with religion, and Galileo’s conception of the cosmos contradicted the supreme authority of the Church. When Galileo first presented his findings, the Church threatened to execute him for heresy, so he backed down and his views were ignored. However, Galileo realized that he had stumbled upon an insight into the very nature of the cosmos, and felt it his duty to promulgate this information to the public. Galileo steeled his resolve against the Church and bravely presented scientific truth to the world no matter the possible punishment. Without such courage gleaned from the fiery furnace of dogmatic oppression, Galileo would have never attained the renown and reverence he enjoyed in his lifetime. </p>

<p>Bravery and resolve even against tyranny also guided one of our Founding Fathers, Benjamin Franklin, to a world changing and historic future. In the colonies, when the British impose unjust taxes, violated the sanctity of citizens’ private residences, and threatened liberty, Franklin knew it was his duty to free his people from the shackles of oppression. At first, Franklin decided to initiate rebellions against the Crown; however, his initial efforts were in vain, for they only achieved a million pound bounty that placed on Franklin. Nevertheless, Franklin had the courage to once again stand up to Crown and rally support for the American Revolution, which, this time, was successful, leading to the first democratic republic in the world since the fall of the Roman Empire under Julius Caesar. Franklin’s bravery, despite the external factors that arose from fighting the British tyranny, led to a freer, more just present for us and an unparalleled legacy for him.</p>

<p>Some may argue that external factors can have an effect on a person’s ability to find true happiness and success. But then how could have Galileo Galilei presented his heretical findings in defiance of the Catholic Church? How was it possible that Benjamin Franklin was able to attain freedom and liberty when facing the leviathan that was the British monarchy? If we allow ourselves to succumb to the plethora of external factors that we face, we are doomed to live in a dark age, bereft of scientific truth and liberty. Only with the courage to stand up for our beliefs are a brighter and more successful present and future possible for all of us!</p>

3

<p>This is mine.</p>

4

<p>5-6</p>

<ol>
<li><p>It’s a little bit awkward in the introduction. The first sentence is ok but a little long for my taste. The part where you say “in order to brighter…everyone else” seems a little bit awkward. </p></li>
<li><p>Your use of vocab is really good. The essay in general sounds pretty good.</p></li>
<li><p>Your body paragraphs and conclusion is also very good. I like how you talked about the Church and Galileo. Both are great examples for this prompt. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>In conclusion, I thought this essay was very good. </p>

<p>------------------my Essay--------------------------------</p>

<p>Does progress reduce the number of problems in the world, or does solving old problems just lead to new ones? </p>

<pre><code>Productivity and innovation is crucial to solving world problems. Several examples from technology, and history have shown that it is important for people to continue to find resolutions for issues they might have. The Internet, the train, and the industrial revolution are all examples of innovations that have solved many problems in the past.
</code></pre>

<p>The Internet, first developed by DARPA, has taken part in bringing information to many people in many places of the world. Like Gutenburg’s Printing Press, the Internet made countless sources available, and provided oppertnities to a multiplicity of people. People can now quickly search a term, or a problem, and get that solution in a matter of minutes or seconds. Previous to the rise of the Internet, students had to go to libraries and dictionaries to search for academic content. Now, students have access to vasts amounts of research, books, and studies. This solved the problem of having to pay for expensive books, or having to tediously go through encylopedias to search for facts. Thus, the Internet has lead to many new opportunities and has solved many old problems.<br>
Like the Internet, innovations in transportation has also solved problems for many people. The train is an example of a cheap means of getting from one place to another. Without the train, it would be difficult to transport cargo across land. Also, many people who could not afford cars were able to live farther away from work. Thus, the train solved a lot of problem relating to travel for many people. It’s existence has been imperative to industry and to travelers.
Like the train, the Industrial Revolution, which started in Britain, led to many new changes for people everywhere. During this time period, people came from the rural areas to the cities in hopes of jobs and a new life. Although the standard of living was poor at first, it became better as reformers took action. The revolution eventually led to higher wages, cheaper consumer goods, which led to a higher standard of living. This revolution helped many people especially the working class and the middle class. An effect of the revolution was a higher population due to fewer deaths. Thus, the revolution helped many people and solve many problems.
After a careful analysis of the Internet, the train, and the Industrial Revolution, one can conclude that progress is indeed what reduces problems in the world. Although it may seem that solving old problems cause new problems, that is an inevitable part of trying to find new solutions. Instead of abstaining from looking for resolutions, people should continue forward and continue to look for new ways to advance. If people did not do this, humanity would not be what it is today. </p>

<p>*Apparently, we cannot edit after 20 minutes. So don’t bother editing your post, just write a new one. *</p>