<p>Our son did have what, I guess, was a dream school. One that was a reach for most students. One that was certainly a financial reach for us without some unusual FA/merit money. He had visited it twice. Loved it. Understood the uncertainty and the issues involved.</p>
<p>Fast forward. He was accepted. The financial package worked for us. He had a tremendous 4 years. He now has a very good job in his field and is positioning himself for grad school (on his dime).</p>
<p>I am certain that he could have made another choice work very well. But his Dream School worked out very well.</p>
<p>I agree with Starbright’s idea that the dream school should be an ideal for some real, factual reason. Just today I had a discussion with S about his alma mater, and we realized that he did indeed land his first job after graduation with the help of alumni connections–a factor we had considered when choosing that school over his other options (some of which were less expensive).</p>
<p>The idea of “loving your safety” is a real challenge for a lot of kids who are interested in highly selective colleges. By definition, a true safety can’t be highly selective with respect to the particular kid. I think it is a good idea for parents to “talk up” the safeties as much as possible. Most kids will probably adapt and be happy if they do end up at a safety. But for a kid with a competitive streak, it’s just not likely that they’re going to be in love with the safety during the application process. If they really hate it, though, they need a different safety.</p>
<p>My D has never had a dream school. She applied to 5 schools, and up until a few weeks ago when she felt compelled to start narrowing the field, all 5 of them were tied for first. 3 of her schools are safeties; 2 are matches. She’s now narrowed it down to 1 safety (to which she’s already been accepted with a nice scholarship) and 1 match, and she loves them both for different reasons. I have no idea which one she’ll ultimately select (nor does she at this point), but she has said many times that she’s pretty sure she’d be perfectly happy at any of the 5 schools she applied to. It makes for a stress-free senior year.</p>
<p>The worst is as a student who is still in high school, having to explain to the neverending line of jaw-dropped students that I chose a different state school than the “flagship”. Talk about irritating.</p>
<p>I don’t really agree with this. A lot of people already have enough safeties but apply to extra safeties for some reason (usually if it’s just checking a box, like adding an extra UC). Applying to those extra safeties, when they already know that they will get into a better safety, doesn’t weaken their college lists, it just makes them spend some more money.</p>
<p>Yes, there is no point in applying to any school that one would not choose under any circumstances over a safety (for both admissions and cost) school, regardless of whether the additional school is a reach, match, or safety.</p>
<p>Of course, if the student is really somewhat undecided, then applying to multiple safeties may be a valid strategy to keep more options open as long as possible.</p>
<p>@bobtheboy What I meant by that is not that your list will be weakened by adding more safety schools, but that you always have to keep in mind that’s there a chance-- albeit an extremely tiny one-- that you could get rejected from all but that weakest safety. At which point, your list is now only that strong.</p>
<p>We’ve been thru 4 “dream schools.” D is now getting ready to
apply to a half dozen in addition to the State flagship. That one
is a completed application. </p>
<p>From what I read here 4 dream schools in 6 months or so is
healthy. All are fine choices from Dad’s point of view.</p>
<p>Based on that, since everyone’s default safety is the local community college, then wouldn’t that mean that everyone’s list is as strong as the local community college?</p>
<p>@ucbalumnus Not everyone defaults to the local community college. In fact, I don’t personally know one friend applying to the local CC. I’m sure there are those in my school who do, but definitely not everyone. My safeties are Union and Binghamton. In my case, that is how strong my college list is. Because I could very well be rejected from all the Ivys and LACs I’m applying to and end up with only those two schools as my choice.</p>
<p>But anyway, this entire point has digressed so much.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone for the feedback. I agree with those who wrote that it is a good thing to strive for a number one choice, and that certainly one can be very happy at their “dream school”. The point of my original post was simply that the admissions decision at such a dream school is not a guarantee of happiness at the school, or unhappiness at the second choice if rejection occurs. Often, kids mature after a set-back and the life lessons learned mean that things work out better than if they had succeeded; however, this doesn’t mean that failure should be welcomed, it just means that kids need to understand that the key to their future success and happiness does not depend on how one particular school’s admissions department views their application. Parents are a key part of that–if you’re imposing your dream on your kids, it’s unlikely to end well.</p>
<p>Good luck to everyone’s kids as they travel the road through admissions, college and beyond.</p>
<p>@MD Mom You know what what I mean. In other words, I don’t know anyone personally who is even considering the local CC. We actually happen to have one of the top-ranked CCs in the country in our county, but since we also have the SUNYs for about the same price (when you factor in merit/FA), no one ever really applies/whatever to the CC unless they need to stay near home for a family reason.</p>
<p>“I agree with those who wrote that it is a good thing to strive for a number one choice, and that certainly one can be very happy at their “dream school”. The point of my original post was simply that the admissions decision at such a dream school is not a guarantee of happiness at the school, or unhappiness at the second choice if rejection occurs.”</p>
<p>My DS just entered his dream school this fall and already he’s filling out transfer apps. Why?</p>
<ol>
<li><p>The school doesn’t quite “jive” with the image it portrays in the glossy brochures as a studious, highly academic environment. What the photos don’t show are the cigarette butts all over the ground throughout the campus, the filthy dorms, the lack of administrative cohesiveness, the faculty apathy/dissatisfaction, and the stressed and stoned students who are in their 5th and 6th year of education to earn a BA.</p></li>
<li><p>The school is considered an intellectual’s paradise, but the imbalance (what with all the let’s-sit-around-talking-about-esoteric-things) leaves a lot to be desired when my ds wants to do something active, like go hiking/kayaking/biking through the woods, go horseback riding, go to an amusement park (or even the county fair, for that matter). He can’t find anyone who is willing to tear him/herself away from the non-stop gab sessions about the socioeconomics of matriarchal communities in the Ezulwini Valley of 1980s Swaziland. </p></li>
<li><p>A “major” that doesn’t have a single professor in the department! Example: An archaeology department with courses taught by anthropologists, psychologist, and sociologists. </p></li>
</ol>
<p>There are some great things about my ds’s present school, and he is sad about having to face up to the fact that this very selective school with the fabulous accolades isn’t working for him. </p>
<p>And the irony of it all is that the particular field ds is pursuing actually has the best research facility and instructors at our state third tier school! So it’s doubly hard for ds to reconcile this all within himself, especially after having bad-mouthed the state school for so long…</p>
Little things like that are great to hear during such a stressful admissions process.</p>