<p>As March 10 approaches, it's worth remembering that no matter how hard our hyper-focused, achiever children are trying to be admitted by a top boarding school, the bigger, more important and longer lasting news of the day will come at the hands of the parents. These kids are SO well tuned to their parents' sense of shock, disappointment, anger, competitiveness, joyfulness - and what it means in the context of parental love and approval. Every family tackles this differently. We tried for weeks leading up to March 10th to indicate in direct and subtle ways that while the decision would be interesting, it had nothing to do with our belief, love and support of our son. The last thing I wanted was for him to think that we were either disappointed in him if he got a thin envelope or we're happier than him if it was thick.</p>
<p>I agree with you. We often indicated that we would be fine with it if all the envelopes were denies. I honestly think that the application process alone is a great learning experience for a young teen, and that’ what I told my son. We also emphasized the element of chance, over which nobody has control.</p>
<p>ThacherParent, thank you for this reminder. </p>
<p>I think that, as parents, sometimes we get more wrapped up in this than our kids. My DS is fortunate in that he is already at an excellent K-12 school. So practically speaking, even if he is completely shut out on 3/10, his educational “future” won’t be hurt. However I worry more about how he will feel about the rejection itself. This is an important part of life, and we all know that there will be many more rejections to come for our kids. So I think that you are VERY right to remind all of us to think about how we will respond to the news on 3/10. How will we all model good rejection-response? </p>
<p>One Friday our son came home from public school and told us a top brand name boarding school had visited and encouraged his classmates to apply it was very exciting for both him and us. Silently my personal lack of understanding about boarding schools and my prejudices left me thinking this blue blood school was just looking for URM’s or at best grist for the admissions mill. In any case with the tuition more than I gross in a year we might as well be trying to figure out what kind of yacht fits our personality. Fortunately I realized that what we as parents were presented with was the first real opportunity to show our son that we believed in and valued his dreams and aspirations. That night we spent a couple hours reading about the schools traditions and looking at the school handbook. I was amazing the things he said he was willing to both do and give up if admitted. The next weekend we drove over to the school for a look and even meet some of the departing facility that where having a few yard sales. He was hooked. We did have the talk with him about not having any reasonable chance of admission, applying to one school, it is a top school, low admit rate coupled with needing a full FA golden ticket. We also had the if accepted, from whom much is given, of him much will be required talk asking what did that mean to him, his future and his obligation. Still wanting to go forward we committed to get behind him and fund his new found ambition and go for the brass ring. For what I figured would be 4 or 5 hundred dollars I would be buying at least a wake up call for how hard college admissions will be in 4 years. It ended up costing more than that but we also got a lot more. From the simple first shave, the first time buying a suit, to teaching him how to tie a tie, we also enjoyed being able to see within the closed walls of previously unknown world. Prior to his interview it was all Mr. Cool, I got this covered Dad. I do not think we had ever seen our son nervous about something. We now know that when he is nervous; we get a hug every 15 minutes. By the time we came out of the parent’s interview he was half asleep in the waiting room from the adrenalin dump. By far the most unexpected thing was the parent statement. Every thing about the school highlights that they place a great value on interpersonal relationships. In thinking about the parent statement over a few weeks and how he interacted with the people and world around him I came to two realizations my thoughts were too long for a parent statement and they were directed at strangers in a admissions office. The one who I should be addressing this to is our son. I wrote the full open letter and read it aloud to my son about everything we find beautiful in him it was the true gift of the whole application process. I still do not expect an acceptance letter on M10 but I hope he saves my letter as a treasure and reminder of the process. I hope I have the strength to do it again in 4 years and into the future. But before then as I read the letter aloud I could see the look in my wife’s eye, where is my letter? Guess I have some more work to do. </p>
<p>@ForkNotTaken - thanks for your BEAUTIFUL post! It touched me immensely as I could’ve probably written it myself. While my son is not in public school (we have homeschooled all his life), we are in nearly exactly the same boat as you in nearly every way possible. Though my son has only applied to a day school, it is EXTREMELY competitive in our area and getting accepted is definitely a long shot, especially when needing the “golden ticket,” as you so aptly called it 
We had the SAME exact talks with our son, both about the extremely far-fetched chance that he might be admitted and “for whom much is given, much is expected.” He eagerly awaits hearing (admissions letters went out Friday…), knowing full well that it is not likely he got in, but with hope that whatever happens, we learned a LOT from this experience and we will all be SO much better prepared for the dreaded college applications process in four years!!!</p>
<p>Fork - I liked your post very much. It was refreshing to read.</p>
<p>And TP, I’m guessing that most parents on this site are as wound up as their kids. I used to have a boss when I was much younger who said “it’s never as good or as bad it seems” to employees who were over the moon or down in the mouth about a deal. As the years have gone by, I’ve come to see how true that is. A little bit of context is a good thing.</p>
<p>Thank you for the great note, @Thacherparent. I believe it is a very timely note. </p>
<p>Last year when we were waiting for M10, I had a hard time thinking of what to tell my son if he didn’t get a single acceptance. I told him that he would still be a winner as he followed what he wanted and put his best effort to the application, that it’s not a failure but only a rejection and that what is more important is how to handle the rejection, how he stays resilient. </p>
<p>I told him that we eventually learn more from a bitter experience than from a sweet one. </p>
<p>ForkNotTaken - Beautiful, beautiful post. Thank you for sharing. Wishing you and your family all the best on M10 and beyond.</p>