Tell her “Just to let you know I won’t be cool with your boyfriend staying over so you should make other arrangements.” She was trying to set the expectation, but you need to reply with your expectation. You should not feel bad about this at all. She is the one who is out of line. She should move. You are not being confontational…you are setting a boundary.
You are paying for a room. He is not. He gets no say. You did not sign up for a male in your room. If she does not like sticking to the rules, then she should figure out another rooming situation.
Do not sign any forms saying you are okay with him staying over.
If he shows signs of staying over (it is midnight and he is still there), go immediately to your RA and tell them you are not comfortable at all with this and did not agree to it.
Also, START AS YOU MEAN TO GO ON. So if he comes over and hangs out in your room when you planned to be there, don’t always leave, as then you are establishing that is okay for them to “kick you out”.
Nope nope nope nope nope. I feel icky just reading about this situation. Don’t let this roommate use your (understandable) reluctance to start a conflict to get her way. It is absolutely not okay for a 30 year old man to be spending the night in a girls’ dorm room, ever.
Definitely be up front with her and tell her you will not be agreeing to her boyfriend being an overnight guest in your room. If she’s still saying this is going to happen by the time you move in and/or know who your RA and Hall Director are, set the precedent and make sure they’re aware of the situation; they are trained to intervene in sticky situations like this.
Even if the boyfriend in question was the same age I’d object, because he’s not paying to live there.
I wouldn’t wait 'til fall to handle this. Make it clear to her now that you’re not okay with him living with you and that she needs to make other plans. I wouldn’t change to a style of room you don’t want so she can have her way or put up with a freeloader either. And definitely don’t sign anything saying you’re okay with it.
Forward the message to the campus housing and tell them you don’t expect a 30-year-old to be living with you in the fall. It’s their job to make sure students follow the rules, not yours. If you don’t get the response you want from the college, I’d have your parents intervene. In most cases, I think college students should handle their own business, but I draw the line at adult men living in a room with 2 newly graduated high school girls. I think that a well placed call by a concerned parent will clear this up fairly quickly.
it may not feel like it right now, but you will be doing this girl a favor by pushing back on this. There is something wrong about a 30 year old wanting to basically move in with a bunch of 18 / 19 year olds in a dorm. The sooner she gets a wake up call the better.