Thread for MTNest parents

College Majors Musical Theater Major
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<p>Okay everyone......</p>

<p>The "empty nest" is just weeks away. My husband and I suffered through this last year and it had to have been one of the hardest times in both of our lives. So I have decided to begin a thread in which we can cry on each others shoulders....as well as laugh and smile at our situations (call it comic relief)!!</p>

<p>Let me tell you, even though I am a so called veteran of this thread and have had the guys leave once before....I can feel that big lump in my throat forming again....taking Ss back to college in 5 weeks might not be quite as bad as the first time, but I do know that I am going to cry all over again!!</p>

<p>Last night I just finished painting pictures for Ss apartment (one for each of their bedrooms)...I thought they might be nice keepsakes for them. In the pictures I included motivational sayings and personalized them with some of their signature "lines". It makes me feel better to know that they have something close to them that was made with them in mind....after all, I don't knit....but I CAN paint!! LOL :)</p>

<p>Warm wishes to all of you!!</p>

<p>SUE aka 5pants</p>

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<p>5pants,</p>

<p>Thanks for starting this thread. I went through this with my older D but she is only 1 hour away. She was a vegetarian and I remember going through the vege isle at the grocery store and feeling like I had lost a limb. Now I will have a complete MTnest (very clever, love that!) and she will be 3,000 miles away. </p>

<p>I am always impressed when someone can paint, as I'm sure that is a good release. I guess it's time to come up with a hobby. I know from my first D that sophmore year took less time to recover, but then again I still had 1 at home. Talk to you in 5 weeks!</p>

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<p>I cannot comprehend that time! I have a D who will be a senior this year and I already break down just at the thought of all of her "lasts". It will be her last HS musical, her last acting & vocal competitions, her last prom, etc. I heard the song "Slipping Through My Fingers" off the cast recording of Mamma Mia! and the sobs just came. I know how much we have all put into our kids, preparing them for their futures - I am so thrilled to have been able to give mine an abundance of opportunities and opened her eyes to some of life's possibilities for her. As a result, they are able to confidently take off and try their wings, leaving us feeling that the job we immersed ourselves in is, in large part, over. I can't even talk about the day mine will actually leave - about a year away - without tearing up. Friends have told me to start getting involved in something, a hobby or activity to keep me busy when she's gone, but there is so much to do in the senior year, that I want to be able to give my all to make sure she finishes this course. I'll be watching with great interest how you all handle the departure of your children. It's nice to have a forum like this to connect with other parents of talented and motivated kids who eagerly fly the coop toward their dreams!</p>

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<p>This time of life is as different for parents, as the experience of leaving home for the first time is for your kids. Everyone responds to it differently. I for one am a very busy person and this of course helps when entering the empty nest stage. I also think it may be different for parents of boys vs parents of girls, and also the type of relationship you have with your child.</p>

<p>Yes it was hard, saying good-bye move in day at the dorm, but suprisingly, thanks to cell phones, text messaging, email, and coming home during breaks, it hasn't been so bad.</p>

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<p>wct,</p>

<p>I would be completely lost with out IM....it's like a window to my Ss. It's comforting to know I am only a "click" away.</p>

<p>SUE</p>

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<p>I have a very close relationship with my D and I'm feeling it already. I remember watching a friend of my lose weight, get depressed, feel just terrible when her first D went off to college and thought "Oh, it's the cycle of life, this is what is supposed to happen, she's only going 1 hour away, how could she be so upset?" I tried not to say it out loud, since I've been known to eat crow before and guess what??? I'm now understanding that no matter how natural this growing up/moving away process is, IT'S DIFFICULT. I can only hope I'll lose weight!!!! On top of my D going to the middle of the US by two plane rides, she now has a boyfriend who she's crazy about and I'm feeling a little sad about that (how silly, right?) I feel like maybe she won't miss me now as much, because she'll be missing him more! Boy, do I need a shrink! So I have signed up for three evening courses this semester (instead of the usual one that I take) hoping that I'll be so overwhelmed and busy with that, I won't have as much time to focus on missing my D. My S doesn't know what's about to hit at our house!!!!</p>

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<p>Thanks for starting this thread, 5pants. My wife and I adopted the CC User Name “MTnesters” about a year ago in the midst of our daughter’s application / audition trail. So, needless to say, we were already anticipating “loosing” her to college. During a busy summer of summer stock, our D has not been overly focused on her Freshman year, but it all started to sink in with our trip to Bed, Bath and Beyond last weekend to purchase the under-the-bed stackable drawers, dorm bed sheets and comforter, towels and shower flip-flops. I realized that as a father, it was my first venture into such a store (almost as good as a trip to Home Depot!) and my kid and I had a ball speculating about her roommate’s color preferences and sleeping patterns! As we load up her car with our recent purchases and head to college and meet the other MT freshman and their folks, we view it as the end to one chapter in our lives but a wonderful beginning to the next. We’ll look forward to our visits to see her college shows but now my wife and I can also plan some MTnester travel that doesn’t involve getting our D to dance classes, voice lessons or nightly shows. You know … this is going to be fun!!!</p>

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<p>MTnesters,</p>

<p>You deserve all the credit for coming up with such a great CC handle!! I hope you don't mind me using it for this thread....I just couldn't resist. Have you ever thought of making your handle into a license plate? LOL</p>

<p>I so agree with catsmom, I think the grocery store was one of the hardest places to go. In my case, I had my meltdown in the yogurt and hot dog aisles. I was a limp rag.</p>

<p>lynnm, we're never too old for growing pains, are we? In the end it's all good....I keep reminding myself how lucky I am (we are in MT CC cyber world) to have kids that want to explore the world.</p>

<p>;) SUE</p>

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<p>Sue,
I also thank you for starting this thread because there are a number of us going through this stage and we can all relate. </p>

<p>For me, it started last year when my oldest of two girls entered college. I found the experience on my end as bittersweet. I was SO happy for her to be starting this new adventure in her life that she had worked hard toward and was truly ready for in all respects. It was such an exciting time in her life. I wanted it for her. Her dreams were coming true. I was not worried about her liking it (she truly loves it, goes to Brown). But I really was sad (am tearing up even now thinking about this whole thing) to have her leave home for what really is for good. I had been apart from her for numerous summers and while I had missed her, it was never permanent. But I knew this was different because it truly marked an end of an era of her youth and child rearing (even though we still parent her of course.....and let's not forget pay the bill!). No longer would she be in our daily lives. No more daily checking in about her day. No more watching all her games, events, shows, etc. Luckily for me, that particular daughter loves to stay in touch and she does call every 3 days or so and fills us in but of course that is not the same as knowing their every move and sharing this and that in person. Now ,she does things and I don't know where she is every minute like I used to. She is certainly leading a far more independent life (as it should be). It really doesn't matter THAT much how many hours away your kid goes to school because it is still AWAY. She is four hours away by car and we mostly just see her on major holidays or vacations. We did have the joy in the middle of winter of seeing many of her collegiate ski races in New England that we could drive to for the day (between my going to auditions with my other kid...what a winter) and so I felt like I got to do a little bit of the parent watching event thing that we did SO frequently through their daily lives for years, but just not as much as before. She is also away for a bulk of the summer but will be home the month of August so I look forward to having her here in our daily lives for that short bit. I TOTALLY relate to Catsmom, however, in those initial weeks after she left for college. I, too, practically broke down in the grocery aisle and had to remind myself that I did not need to pick up X or Y that this child liked because she was no longer at home! I felt teary for a week but got used to it and I am still used to it and it is not so bad. But even her younger sister was affected by her leaving. She wrote one of her college essays about her sister leaving home and how it affected her! She started with how it had hit her when she had to set the table and it was just for three. Same idea. Her essay made me cry. </p>

<p>So, now, I'm going to go through this all again in about a month or so with second daughter and I think this will be worse. First, she is just 16 1/2 and she is leaving home a year sooner than I had imagined and so that adds to the angst of it. Also, she is heading to NYC, the complete opposite of where she grew up in rural Vermont, and while she is SO pysched and will be fine, I will worry about not knowing if she got from point X to point Y ok and no longer being aware of every thing she does and if she is ok and all that. I am not worried about her liking it but more the letting go of my parenting supervision (for my sake, not hers, lol). But what will be even worse is that this is the last kid to go and so it means EMPTY nest, not just losing a kid off to college. It is the END of the parenting era of kids at home. A major shift in our lives and lifestyle. Our days and nights and weekends are full of schlepping them from this activity to that one and while I won't miss some of that busy stuff, I will miss seeing all their events and such. Luckily our child will be on the same coast and so if she is in a show, we can see it. But it is not like the daily stuff now. Some things will be nicer and freer but stilll, it will be empty in other ways. So, again, I am excited for this child though it has not fully hit me yet. We are going shopping for the dorm stuff later this week like MTNester mentioned and yeah, that will hit me. I know when I had to pull away and say good bye to D #1 at Brown, it really broke me up (not her of course) and I anticipate that happening with this child too. I am a sap when it comes to goodbyes. </p>

<p>And so, we can all mop up the tears in early September together. Once we get past the initial shock and get used to it, we can rejoice in our new found freedom as parents/couples! </p>

<p>Susan</p>

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<p>I remember a joke from a few years ago about different church leaders arguing about when life begins. The punch line was, I believe, from the rabbi, who said life begins when the youngest kid leaves home, and the dog dies. It doesn't seem funny now.
Susan, I tear up reading your post.</p>

<p>I can't imagine going to the grocery store.</p>

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<p>Here's my experience, now one year into the empty nest. Some of you may remember my posting about this last Thanksgiving. The thing that was hardest for me when my D left for college last year, two years after her older brother, was the quietness in the house. At first I thought I was missing the ringing of the telephone, the doors slamming, the water running, the toilet flushing, the footsteps up and down the stairs, the voices during late night get togethers, the laughter, even the clicking of the computer keys as they were madly IM'ing each other or managing a fantasy computer sports team. And yes, all those things were part of the equation. But it wasn't until my D came home for Thanksgiving that I realized what I missed the most (and I know my son will understand and forgive me this sentiment) - it was the sound of my daughter singing, night and day.</p>

<p>Since she's left, I've watched and listened to every tape and every CD I have of every step she's ever danced, every song she's ever sung and every show she's ever been in that I am lucky enough to have a permanent reminder of. Trust me. Ain't nothing like the real thing.</p>

<p>So, to all of you shipping off your MT sons and daughters in the next mpnth or two, my advice is to leave every door in your house open and take it all in. Do whatever you have to - SLOWLY walk up and down the hallway outside their rooms on some excuse or other, hide in a nearby closet if you must. But listen, listen and listen some more and record every note in your heart. You'll be glad you did.</p>

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<p>This is true of performing kids....when they are not here, you can listen to them in the car (CD) or watch them on your TV set any time!</p>

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<p>Thank you all for sharing you heartfelt posts. I will be sending my first off to college half the country away in less than a month. It's funny how time flies when there's not much of it left! I keep playing in my mind various scenarios for saying goodbye and leaving her there at college and trying to believe that I won't lose it completely, but I can tell you it's going to be the longest drive home I've ever made. The hardest part right now is that she's already gone...staying about 1.5 hours away doing summer theater; I hoped that it would make the college goodbye easier, but I think it just makes me miss her more.</p>

<p>~lexasmom</p>

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<p>lexasmom,
You are brave to take on the drive home. I am renting a vehicle one way to drive the boys to OKC and flying home. I don't think my eyes could handle it. See you four weeks from today.</p>

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<p>Chrisr,
Actually its my husband who will be doing the driving...at least on the return trip...he will probably not have as many tears in his eyes! (interpretation: he is in much better control of his emotions than I am). Your travel plans sound much better than mine...wish I would have thought of that. I look forward to meeting you in August.</p>

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<p>As I scrolled through this thread, I kept wondering when someone would mention the singing -- so thank you, theatermom; and thanks, Sue for starting the thread! I can't yet fathom what the house will be like without my D's voice radiating through it. Of course we're fortunate to be able to turn to recordings....but they're not the same as hearing that live, in-person voice, coming from that live, in-person person! A month from now, my D will already be in her dorm, a 3-hour plane ride from home. Gulp. Wiping tear. Knowing it's time, it's right, she's thrilled...but wiping tear anyway.</p>

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<p>This year has many transitions for me. My S graduated college and D graduated HS. We are driving her to IWU in a couple of weeks, then flying home. I couldn't handle a 2000 mile trip home by car. I think I'll miss watching her take dance, practice piano, and sing around the house. The performance is just part of the picture.</p>

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<p>Although I am not one of you...yet, I have a friend who in the last week took her 3rd & 4th Ss[she has 5 altogether] to college and had a second S get married[one got married last summer]. She has been crying for weeks and I've been thinking about her all this weekend as the wedding is out of state, so I thought I'd read this for some tips to possibly help her and do a bump as well...</p>

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<p>believersmom,</p>

<p>I so feel for your friend. That was me last year....I have to say it is much better in subsequent years, however when my youngest goes off to college (probably UW-LaCrosse...I caught your post under the Viterbo thread) next year it will hit all over again.</p>

<p>To your friend and those others suffering the infamous emptynest syndrome. Time heals....it really does. BUT you will have waves of moments that will hit you from nowhere randomly and periodically. It could be in the grocery store, walking into empty bedrooms, setting the table for dinner. One scene that plays through my mind still to this day is the homerun derby baseball games my sons had with one another in our back yard the night before going to college. They laughed and joked with one another and that patch of matted grass in the backyard, that served as homeplate, acted as a ghostly reminder for many days and prehaps weeks, that moments like that would be few and far between. It's as though they grew up and left over night.</p>

<p>I think what is hardest is the unexpected...are they going to call us? Are they going to take care of themselves when they are sick? It's a matter of knowing that yes, they will. It's a true test for them as adults and us as healthy parents to transist into the next phase of life. AND of course the majority of us do, but again, time is the key factor.</p>

<p>As parents we have become so woven in our children lives that they have become our lifeline. Now they are gone....it's time to find our way back to where we all began. It helps to find new hobbies, perhaps go back to school, re-enter the work force, or volunteer for some worthy organization. Not only are our kids finding they niches in life, but parents need to regroup and jump back on their life track.</p>

<p>It's all normal and it's all good...best wishes to all of you. ;)</p>

<p>SUE aka 5pants</p>

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<p>Update---
Saw my friend last night and she seems to be doing better, it does help that S #5 is still at home [just started soph yr of HS with my D]. She was actually able to tell me about the wedding without crying and they got Ss #3 & 4 back to school without incident last night.</p>

<p>Sue, I almost started to cry though reading your telling of the homerun derby baseball games. Very touching.</p>