<p>@shinchang No need to apologize for the long post. I will read and get back to you.</p>
<p>I think this is more complete. <a href=“http://www.indyweek.com/indyweek/a-duke-senior-sues-the-university-after-being-expelled-over-allegations-of-sexual-misconduct/Content?oid=4171302”>http://www.indyweek.com/indyweek/a-duke-senior-sues-the-university-after-being-expelled-over-allegations-of-sexual-misconduct/Content?oid=4171302</a></p>
<p>Please understand that a temporary restraining order is NOT a final decision on the merits. </p>
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<p>Ok, that makes more sense that “consent” is sometimes unclear or misinterpreted. However, that is only relevant to the unclear or misinterpreted consent situations, not the predatory rapists.</p>
<p>Those high school health classes, when they talk about sex, should teach people that:</p>
<ul>
<li>If asking for sex, only a clear “yes” from someone with ability to consent (i.e. sober, not underage, etc.) means “yes”; any unclear answer, non-answer, or questionable ability to consent (i.e. drunk, possibly underage, etc.) means “no”.</li>
<li>If being asked for sex, give a clear, unequivocal, truthful answer.</li>
</ul>
<p>But that does not stop predatory rapists. What may help stop them, or lead to their arrest, is bystander education (for both men and women) to recognize the signs that a high risk of predatory rape is developing in the given situation. This might be particularly important for new frosh in college, who may be naive about how predatory rapists work or how much alcohol is too much for them or their friends.</p>
<p>I should really start cramming now so I don’t have the time or will to look for the study I talked about, but here’s one that’s kind of similar that I can awkwardly leave here before I stop talking.</p>
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a la [this</a> link](<a href=“http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/28/opinion/etzioni-akin-rape-comment/]this”>http://www.cnn.com/2012/08/28/opinion/etzioni-akin-rape-comment/), which also links to the resource the writer used. 17% isn’t a majority, but it’s almost 2 out of 10 people, which is a way larger number of people than it should be.</p>
<p>@ucbalumnus That I definitely do agree with. I totally overlooked the predatory rape issue, which is my bad. Also I think the bystander education is a really good idea.</p>
<p>And okay, I’m definitely done now.</p>
<p>I think “teach boys not to rape” is unnecessarily provocative. However, we do need to teach boys (and girls) about consent, about drinking, about the consequences of consensual and non-consensual sex, and lots more. As noted above, some boys will still become sexual predators no matter what they have been taught, just as some of them will become tax cheats, scammers, drug dealers, or politicians. So we need to do a lot more than teach boys that they shouldn’t commit crimes.</p>
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<p>I would not be surprised if many students enter college naive about such things, because, as high school students, their parents had a zero tolerance attitude toward alcohol and sex, and did not like to talk about such things. High school health education classes may also be limited in these subjects due to parental pressure to minimize talking about such things. So the students go to college where alcohol and sex are widely accepted behaviors and figure things out by experimentation, often with undesirable consequences (including risking becoming a rape victim).</p>
<p>Luckily universities have observed this and are requiring their incoming freshmen to take alcohol modules and programs educating them on the truth behind alcohol, the same with sex. Could these programs use improvement? Yes, but it does a considerable job at debunking myths that is pushed out by what is believe to be the stereotypical “college experience”. </p>
<p>The idea of how to appropriately prepare a naive high schooler to deal with the sex and drinking and drugs she will encounter in college is something that my husband and I have been thinking a lot about lately. Our daughter is shy and studious. She has virtually no experience with the kind of partying that is common on college campuses. I think that can actually make the transition to college more difficult. We tend to be the kind of household where these things are discussed pretty openly, though, and she has seen her older brother go through his fair share of “adjustment problems.” I trust that she understands the issues intellectually, but I’m not so sure that she’s developed the social skills she will need when she finds herself in situations like the ones discussed here. </p>
<p>This topic has really spun off on some ridiculous tangents. I don’t understand the nitpicking over feminism and getting worked up over suggesting that parents have discussions with “boys” (these are college aged men we’re discussing) about what is and isn’t acceptable.</p>
<p>Clearly not all men are rapists or are susceptible to group mentality (gang rape such as what happened here - <a href=“Georgia teens charged in connection with after-prom rape at remote cabin party: police ”>Crime News - New York Daily News). Not even a majority of men behave this way, thank god. </p>
<p>* However * I do not know a single adult woman who hasn’t either been sexually assaulted or had a close call. Not one. Including myself. </p>
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<p>By “sexual assault”, do you mean someone attempting sexual intercourse without consent (i.e. what most would call “rape”), or inclusive of lesser (but still criminal) acts like unwanted groping?</p>
<p>I’m including unwanted groping in that statement, so I should’ve phrased it clearer.</p>
<p>That’s the thing…I’m beginning to believe that the best you can do is provide your child tips on what to look out for and contacts on who can help. Experience is key in situations like this. Experience and the willingness to assert yourself. When coming into college there is an adjustment period and if the person isn’t acclimating they can be swallowed up. </p>
<p>Absolutely @Niquii77. It’s a huge adjustment and many students feel adrift. Which is why upper class predators target freshman women. Most of the rapes on college campuses take place in the first 6 weeks of school. And alcohol is a huge factor. But it’s not the problem. Sexual predators and our society that continues to blame women is the problem.</p>
<p>The emphasis shouldn’t just be about how to protect oneself, but rather on what society deems acceptable. If you make excuses for rape: she drank too much, her skirt was too short, she was walking alone, you’re part of the problem. Because half of the world’s population shouldn’t have to be fearful and on guard when out in public. </p>
<p>'However I do not know a single adult woman who hasn’t either been sexually assaulted or had a close call. Not one. Including myself."</p>
<p>I tend to agree with this, but it could also be applied to attempted non-sexual crimes such as purse-snatching. Society does not deem rape acceptable. It is a crime. And, taking some personal responsibility for their safety is not asking too much from adult woman. It’s also not the same thing as saying you were asking for it if you were raped. And, there seems to be a lot of grey area in the definition of rape these days. Merge that with the excessive drinking and the hook-up culture, and it’s no surprise there is confusion. Confusion is not a crime.</p>
<p>I think it confuses the issue greatly to mix in groping with attempted rape. Unwanted groping is ubiquitous, and I suspect that even most males have experienced it. When I was a young man, I experienced unwanted groping from a female, but, maybe because I am male, and larger and stronger than the female who groped me, it was unthreatening and easy to ignore.</p>
<p>I agree, austinareadad. </p>
<p>The larger picture here is that rape culture exists because we behave as if a woman’s body is not her own and that somehow she’s at fault if attacked. Compare this with a story of a man who is drunk and attempts to withdraw money from an ATM at midnight and is robbed. Readers may think, yes, this guy made a poor choice but never would he be blamed for his robbery. </p>
<p>We have a daughter and a son. We’ve talked to both about rape and unwanted sexual attention. And also about how to step in if they see something amiss. And that I hope is what will change this culture. </p>
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That is bad. No one, no matter if they’re male or female, should be experiencing unwanted groping. </p>
<p>One night at a club, I was waiting for some friends on a wall and a guy grabbed a handful of my backside. He was swift and quick and I only saw him walking away into a crowd of people, but it was unthreatening and, since he was gone, it was easy to ignore. </p>
<p>What? No! No groping for anybody. </p>
<p>Just my opinion, but I think more women experience sexual harassment than attempted rapes. </p>
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<p>I think that the prevailing message in our popular media for literally hundreds of years is that it is “natural” for men to want to “score,” and it is the woman’s responsibility to fend him off. And of course, a “good” woman is presumed to tolerate sex, rather than enjoy it, so if she appears to enjoy it she is not a worthy prize in this game. </p>
<p>I honestly wonder whether men really feel that “scoring” with an unwilling female whom they must overpower, or one who is so out of it that she can’t respond, is satisfying. Is that what they really want? It is hard to believe, really. </p>