I just entered college in the past few days, and I am an incoming freshman. I am going to the same college as one of my good friends from high school, and I am worried about her behavior in the first few days. We moved in about a week ago, but classes do not begin until tomorrow, as we have had orientation. There have been parties almost every night during orientation, and she has been going to a few of them and drinking in her dorm room. She has a new group of guy and girl friends that I am not a big fan of. I was always more of a straight-forward student, and I never drank in high school. She didn’t except for once or twice senior year, but she has been drinking much more. My friends and I have warned her about being careful, as she has known these new “friends” for only a few days. It went to a new level when she said that the guys that were in her room weren’t drinking because they wanted to “watch out” for the girls. This was a red flag for me and the other guys that she has been friends with for most of high school, along with our other friends who are girls. We all were the top of our graduating class, so I feel like we are decent judges of character and we are worried about how the friends she’s associating with are changing her. We have told her to be careful with these new people, but she brushes us off as just being paranoid. We are worried about her behavior so far, but I’m not sure what I can say to her to get her back on the right track without causing a rift that could split us up as friends. We deeply care about her safety, and I would appreciate everyone’s thoughts on this matter.
Well, it sounds like she doesn’t want to hear your warnings at the moment. Could you switch tactics and invite her to hang out with you and the high school friend group, do something together? Try to strengthen that bond so that if she feels like she wants alternate options of things to do (other than drink with the new friends), or if she needs to reach out for help, she knows she has you guys? Or she might see that a night of non drinking can be just as fun? I’m not sure you can vocally bring her on to the ‘right side of the track’ without pushing her further, so I would recommend that you keep inviting her, keep the lines of communications open, and let her know that you are there if she gets in a bad spot.
Yeah, until she gets out and runs around a little to get the feel of her new freedom she’s probably not going to be real receptive to that message. Some people just explode once the parental guardrails are removed and they just need a little time to experience the grass on the other side of the fence. Once school (and homework) starts the weeknight parties will taper off, her new friends will hit the books a little harder and she may drift back to the old normal. Or she may not.
Don’t worry too much about the first week. Leave the door open, stay in touch with offers to study or go to dinner, and keep in touch with her old friends. If she’s still raging in a month you’ll have more real cause to worry and it’s a different discussion, but until the initial rush is gone she won’t hear a thing. Good luck.
Sounds like you already expressed your concerns. Beyond that, not your circus, not your monkey. You worry about you.
I’m not saying don’t be a good friend, but you aren’t the parent here and it’s not your job to police someone else’s choices.
I agree^^^.