<p>IMHO, this at least partially a class thing. There weren’t many parents when and where I was growing up that would ever arrange “play dates” for their children or be able to help with homework, even if they wanted. I know a lot of parents now (they tend to have kids young…) who also do not arrange “play dates” or whatnot. </p>
<p>Even outside of that, I know very few students, from all walks of life, at my U that talk to their parents every single day, let alone multiple times each day. I’m sure they exist, I just don’t know them. That’s just weird IMO. I could NOT imagine calling my parents after every class. In fact, my parents would be extremely annoyed at me. Do these parents have nothing better to do with their time?</p>
<p>My wife works with a woman who talks to her daughter several times per day and texts even more. She is married, out of college and lives with her.</p>
<p>I just can’t wrap my head around that. Maybe it’s because I come from such an independent family… I don’t know. My parents and I have a very close relationship, don’t get me wrong, but I just could not imagine communicating that much. My parents have friends, jobs, and hobbies! Not nearly enough free time to be on the phone with me multiple times a day… haha</p>
<p>My son calls us pretty often. Not every day, but sometimes he’ll call several times in one day. Usually it’s while he’s walking across campus, and often it’s just chit-chat–the same kind of talk you might have with a family member who lives in your house. It has occurred to me that he doesn’t really conceptualize himself as being “away” in the same way we did when we were in college. After all, he can call us up at no (marginal) cost. It’s almost like the return of the extended family living together–but virtually.</p>
<p>I think what I find offensive about this article is how, inevitably, it turns to “parental involvement” as the “reason” the kids are overbooked and ever moving and achieving and multi-tasking.</p>
<ol>
<li> Look at the acceptance rates at colleges and “holistic” admissions.<br></li>
<li> Look at the expectations of employers for jobs which a high school grad could handle.</li>
<li> Look at the increasingly punitive laws which regulate what those under 21 can do with their “free” time.</li>
<li> And, somehow, this is the “fault” of helicopter parents?</li>
</ol>
<p>It reminds me of the high schools which say, “without parental involvement, children cannot achieve academically, and those darn parents ought to just leave us alone and let us do our jobs!!!” WHAT? And, yet, you will hear this endlessly.</p>
<p>Time to move beyond Freud, and stop looking only at the parents to figure out how we have gotten here. I strongly suspect most kids do plenty of “loitering” on social media and the cell phone, even if the town square has been obliterated by the eyesore strip malling of America.</p>
<p>That’s nothing. Here’s a piece from the Times by a woman, a college senior, who has shared a bed with her mother since she was an infant. But this is economic necessity, and I’ll give her extra credit for following the writer’s mantra, “Write what you know.”</p>
<p>[My</a> Mom Was My Roommate - NYTimes.com](<a href=“My Mom Was My Roommate - The New York Times”>My Mom Was My Roommate - The New York Times)</p>
<p>As far as the relationship between top college admissions, helicoptering, and over scheduled kids goes, it is a case of chicken and egg. Admissions were tough, some kids did something truly astounding and were admitted to top colleges, parents read about it and thought (consciously or not) there’s our ticket. They found a way for their kid to do something similar, scheduled some lessons, had some success. At some time later, other parents find out, find a BETTER instructor for their kids, more talk, more parental interest, younger kids get an earlier boost, and before anyone knows it we have six year olds in travel soccer or competitive violin auditions, or competitive dance, or mathlete competitions. And nobody has time to look at salamanders in the pond because we are late for your lesson so hurry up and get in the car!</p>
<p>As this process plays itself out, colleges can get pickier because there are more kids who have pushed or been pushed to succeed at earlier ages. Doesn’t really matter who started it, but here we are, and the one thing we can all be sure of is the six year old is not the one who decided that competitive (fill in the blank here) is how he would like to spend his time after school.</p>
<p>Right: so, when colleges and employers put a “what do you do with your free time,” essay. Or “dazzle us with free time idleness” essay. Or, when the employers say, “Let me know how you spend your free time,” or hire the new graduate who can point to the spot on their resume where they spent five hours in downtime every day, then I suppose the college students will slow down.</p>
<p>In the meantime, who wants to be the first one to do the experiment with their kid?</p>
<p>I call my mother just about every day. Of course, she’s 89, and lives alone since my father died. </p>
<p>My son, on the other hand…I presume he is still alive up there. :D</p>
<p>poetgrl, exactly! Who’s going to be the one to step off this train first? </p>
<p>Maybe when the families who live in the farthest rural areas of the country become URM’s, and pond gazing becomes a hook that others want to emulate, will that happen. I seem to recall something about raising goats as an EC… That story needs to get out to the media. ;)</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Beautiful. Touche.</p>
<p>My nieces call their mothers at least a couple of times a day.
My kids – I’m lucky if I hear from them once a week. </p>
<p>I’ll be honest: I wish my kids were more like their cousins :)</p>
<p>I’m as gobsmacked as the author that so many kids and their parents seemed to be tied to the hip. I find it creepy, too. </p>
<p>Can’t play 1 1/2 hours of tennis once a week with my girlfriends without being interrupted several times by calls from their kids (all except mine who rarely calls at all.)</p>
<p>It’s a gift to allow a child to have down time and consider it time well spent. Reflection time is as important or more so than" doing" time.
Family time is the most important and dinner time counts the most in my opinion.
Erma Bombeck wrote about thinking of your kids as kites that need to be cut loose eventually. I follow that philosophy. You want to have them soar on their own.</p>
<p>I talk to my parents several times a day. I also talk to my friends several times a day. I’m not really sure what the big deal is.</p>
<p>I think that the parents are getting blamed for the phone calls/texts, when it may have more to do with the fact that our kids send texts as freely as having thoughts. </p>
<p>For example, my DS texted me several times during an overnight college visit. He had funny things to share with me… and just texted me reflexively. Not wanting his host to think he was a Momma’s Boy (which he certainly is not) I texted back: “Stop texting me! You don’t want to be remembered as that weird kid who kept texting his Mommy.” He responded that “nobody knows who you’re texting…”</p>
<p>It’s true kids have learned to text about everything. Maybe it’s the parents who need to learn that they don’t have to respond to everything.</p>
<p>I do not think colleges or employers are looking for massive lists of activites. One or two will do fine plus maybe a real job with pay such as sacking groceries or waiting tables. I’d bet most employers and adcoms would relate to that over building homes in Cancun for some non-profit.</p>
<p>When I was little, I lived in a 2 bedroom row house with my mother, grandparents and great-grandfather. For some reason that to this date I cannot fathom, my great-grandfather got one bedroom, my grandmother, mother and I shared the other bedroom, and my grandfather slept in the living room. (Don’t ask.) So for those few years, once I came out of a crib, I did share a bed with my mother, and later on, just the room (but separate beds). But like the Dominican situation, this was economic necessity.</p>
<p>When my mother remarried (I was 6), we moved into our own apartment which was 2 bedrooms. We went to visit it, and I said, “One room for mommy and me, and one for daddy.” That didn’t materialize!</p>