<p>The example they gave in the video of a student telling her mother that her roommate doesn't pick up her stuff in their room and the mother complaining about it immediately to someone at the college seemed a little farfetched.</p>
<p>Oh, boy. Another article about "helicopter parents." Oh, dear. What a surprise. And another expert telling mothers (it usually is mothers, isn't it?) how we're screwing up. </p>
<p>Thank you all.</p>
<p>MotherOfTwo.....that indeed sounds farfetched as I could never dream of calling a college about that, but ya know, it sounds like there are parents who are too involved in the college life of their kids ot the point of running to school (via phone) like they may have when their kids were in middle school, but which is not appropriate at all for college. It is very hard for me to imagine anyone doing this but I have a gut feeling, there are some who do. </p>
<p>College is a time for independence. I am involved in my kids' lives as I love to hear from them and they honestly do like to share. Often it is in very quick sound bites as they are walking somewhere and fill us in on their news. But we are not doing things FOR them and we have never called their schools about anything. Back in K-12, I might go into school or talk to teachers, but I certainly have never done anything remotely like that in college. Cell phones are great for staying in touch and also a way to reach your kid if you must. We rarely call our kids but they do call us to share what's happening in their lives every couple of days. IF my kid had a problem dealing with some issue, then I would discuss it and give some advice. But they would take care of it on their own. We certainly don't ever discuss homework or anything like that. They mostly tell us what they've been up to or what they are excited about or that sort of thing. If they need to sort out something, they may discuss it as they may not want to share that sort of thing with someone else, depending what it is. Or if they are proud of some accomplishment, they want to tell us as they would be modest with friends in that regard. But this is nothing like that video clip where parents are overly involved in solving minor issues or dealing with the school for their college aged kid. I can't imagine it and it does seem far fetched but I am not entirely surprised to hear of such situations. They really are not helping their kid. There is a way to be involved in your kids' college lives as support people in the background and for sharing news. But too much beyond that sort of thing, like doing things for them or calling people at the school, are a bit much. Those days should be over once college starts. Parents need to transition their way of thinking, just like 18 year olds need to transition into independent living away from home. Staying in frequent touch is not the same as over involvement or doing things for the student that they should do for themselves.</p>
<p>Oh my goodness, what a drop dead gorgeous college campus! And what vibrant, attractive students! Where is that beautiful campus???</p>
<p>OH! The University of Florida! Go Gators!</p>
<p>I've talked to my parents a few times since moving to school 3 weeks ago I guess. Now, I have gone home both weekends but otherwise I'm pretty on my own. I guess I've talked to them four times other than when I was at home. I called them twice both times talking about travel arrangements. My dad has called twice. Once, he just hit the wrong button right after I got done talking to him. The other was last night when he was needing help on their brand new computer.</p>
<p>Boy, my son is in trouble. According to Ms Ortiz, the adolescent-sounding reporter doing the story, the average college student calls mom and dad 1.5 times a day. In 12 days, my son has called twice--not 18 times, as is the national average. I was feeling neglected enough before listening to that clip; now that I have a way to measure his rudeness, I'm really annoyed.</p>
<p>Chedva, the reason we are all treated to so many stories about over-bearing, over-interested, over-concerned parents is because most reporters are young and childless. When they become real adult people with families of their own, they change their tune and quit making fun of us. But then they are not behind the cameras anymore.</p>
<br>
<blockquote> <p>The example they gave in the video of a student telling her mother that her roommate doesn't pick up her stuff in their room and the mother complaining about it immediately to someone at the college seemed a little farfetched.>></p> </blockquote>
<br>
<p>ROTFL! So what does the mother expect the college administrator to do? We have the campus police, the PC police and now the tidiness police?<br>
And what's that about checking in with the parents 1.5 a day? I wish my S did that maybe once a week!</p>
<p>
[quote]
Chedva, the reason we are all treated to so many stories about over-bearing, over-interested, over-concerned parents is because most reporters are young and childless. When they become real adult people with families of their own, they change their tune and quit making fun of us. But then they are not behind the cameras anymore.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Oh, my goodness, isn't that the truth. It's a wonder we have managed to produce functioning human beings at all--thank the Lord someone is monitoring our lapses.</p>
<p>Shudder, thankfully D2 doesn't have a roomie whose mom calls the school to complain about her messy clothes and towels on the floor and dirty dishes in the sink. Phew...she might have been kicked out of college by now! :eek:</p>
<p>Chedva, I agree with you. I'm so sick of the "helicopter parent" topic, too. I found it really offensive that, along with trying to adjust to having my daughter really gone for the first time, I was quizzed and bombarded by reminders from my parents, from my childless friends and from total strangers who had all read these daily articles. I found myself so concerned with not doing the wrong thing by my d. that I almost forgot what a good job I had done for the last 18 years. When I realized she wasn't calling us every day, in fact, has hardly spoken to us at all in 3 weeks, it became clear that this poor parenting that is the topic of the day does not apply to me. She's very happy handling things herself! Finally, I've relaxed and decided to just listen to my own instincts with our communication. Fielding the preaching of others, ad nauseum, was an added stress during that post-drop-off period that I had not anticipated. Especially during a time when your mother instincts are so sensitive!</p>
<p>Son has called once in two weeks- after I asked (online) if he would call to make sure the overseas long distance was activated on his cell phone. It makes me feel better knowing that he can call if he needs us. </p>
<p>I wouldn't mind hearing his voice 1.5 times a day. Wish he would call 1.5 times a week.....</p>
<p>I am hoping that no news is good news and means he is busy and happy.</p>
<p>It didn't sound as much an indictment against parents as it was against the students who are calling home so much- 1.5 times a day??</p>
<p>I think that network is student branch of CNN, so obviously this story was done by a student, from a student perspective and not very scientific at that (how many students did the reporter interview to come up with her numbers?). And the anecdote about the parent calling about the dorm room- sure, it probably happens RARELY. There's kooky people everywhere. Ms. Mastrsjaflkjsasjdf;lkj was giving the most extreme example of weirdness.</p>
<p>I agree with both Chedva and Midmo. Mother bashing (which is just a variant on women bashing) is always a popular activity.</p>
<p>The campus IS looking good! I have to say, they may have polled my D. She calls me "to check in" or just to chat at least once a day (usually as she is waiting at the bus stop after class or walking between classes). I remember calling my parents every other Sunday (my sister called on the opposite Sundays) and speaking to them for my allowed 3 minutes (no matter what I had to say....at the 3 min. mark my mom would say...well, talk to you in two weeks, click... dialtone!). Cell phones have changed things a lot. BTW, I don't try to solve her "problems", I listen and try to support. She is old enough to deal with her own issues (and I am old enough to not want to deal with them).</p>
<p>That's what makes it news, right - the fact that most folks don't and wouldn't behave that way? I find myself disconnecting mentally from most parenting/lifestyle pieces in print and on TV. How can there be a new parent/child crisis every stinkin' week? And, as Chedva so perceptively points out, there's usually a mother in there to blame somehow.</p>
<p>Speaking of perceptive, midmo nailed it with this:
[quote]
Chedva, the reason we are all treated to so many stories about over-bearing, over-interested, over-concerned parents is because most reporters are young and childless. When they become real adult people with families of their own, they change their tune and quit making fun of us.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I'm not going to let a 20-something reporter (or an any-something college administrator) diagnose my family with a "problem" because my college kid checks in regularly by cell phone. I have a 23 y/o college grad who phones almost every day - and she's 400 miles away and financially independent. She apparently calls because she wants to talk to me, which I take as a sign that I did something right, not wrong.</p>
<p>seiclan,
Ya gotta love those french fries!</p>
<p>My son is calling less this year (soph). He calls when bored- walking, waiting in between classes, waiting for bus... Probably because I'm the only one who picked up the phone! (I always want to ask- "how many other people did you call before you called me?")</p>
<p>I can't agree with the idea that the helicopter parents stories are written because reporters are young or because it is the story of the day. Well, at least not that it solely because of those reasons or even that those are the main reasons. </p>
<p>It seems to me the dynamic between parents and their kids in college and the college themselves have changed pretty dramatically since I was in college. Maybe there is a selection bias in the parents who are on CC but the number of families talking about interactions with the school and frequent contacts with their kids is unbelievably higher than my experience in college (or at least what I was aware of). I am not in any way judging the choices and norms of other families but it sure seems very different to me.</p>
<p>Ironically I recieved this in an email with the last couple days from a friend working at a college in the Boston area ... the title of the email "A sign of the Times" ... the content is an announcement sent to faculty and staff at this school ....</p>
<p>
[quote]
Hello everyone,</p>
<p>On Xday, September XX, from 1:00 – 2:00 PM, Student Affairs will be hosting a live, interactive, teleconference seminar entitled “Difficult Parents on Campus: Tips to Handle ‘Helicopter’ Behavior.” The conference will take place in the XYZ Board Room. The speakers will be Pat Somers, Associate Professor of Higher Education at the University of Texas/Austin, and Jim Settle, Vice President for Student Affairs at Shawnee State University in Ohio. The following are the program highlights to be discussed:</p>
<p>“Helicopter Parent Behavior: How to Recognize the Blackhawk”</p>
<p>”Techniques to Effectively Manage Millennial Parents on Campus”</p>
<p>“Strategies to Encourage Positive Parent Behavior at Your University” </p>
<p>and, a live question and answer session at the end</p>
<p>
[/quote]
</p>
<p>YMMV but to me the times have changed</p>
<p>3togo....there likely ARE parents who are overstepping the boundaries in contact with the college and so forth. </p>
<p>frazzled1 wrote:
[quote]
I have a 23 y/o college grad who phones almost every day - and she's 400 miles away and financially independent. She apparently calls because she wants to talk to me, which I take as a sign that I did something right, not wrong.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I agree and can relate. I don't call my kids' colleges ever and I don't step in to solve this or that issue for them. But my kids do call regularly because they want to talk to us and share about their experiences. That is a good thing in my book and I am real happy about it. I might add that my kids have never ever been the homesick type and required no adjustment period to college and transition easily and are quite independent. They do like to keep in touch and I not only welcome it, I expect it.</p>
<p>In general, parents behave differently now than 40 years ago.<br>
As a child, my parents NEVER went to parent/teacher conferences,unless there was a problem. Now, it's not unusual for parents to schedule pt conferences even when there isn't a problem. Same with those "meet the teacher nights"- my folks hardly ever attended those. I always felt like a BAD parent when I couldn't go. </p>
<p>I've even been on the receiving end of heli-parenting, as a private music teacher. I've had parents suggest to me ways to organize recitals, I've had them call me up incessantly about, basically, nothing. I scratch my head sometimes after talking to a mom, wondering, "why did she really call?" Some people are so darned competitive and insecure about their children. I guess when they go off to school, it doesn't end.</p>