<p>It’s a weird process. My D got waitlisted at schools that are on paper easier to get into than some places where she was accepted. The big envelope is very exciting but not a validation sticker for my sweet, hardworking girl, and the waitlist envelopes don’t diminish her value.</p>
<p>By my earlier post, I mean that it is easy to imagine that one’s behavior would be excellent in any difficult circumstance . . . until one actually finds oneself in that circumstance. It wasn’t intended as a smug post–plenty of familial facing rejection to go around.</p>
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<p>That…and maybe vicariously taking the Viking approach as a way to cheer oneself up:</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncRTcfa4IHQ”>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncRTcfa4IHQ</a></p>
<p>All in good fun! 
:D</p>
<p>"So I still think it’s most healthy to think that the one rejecting my kid doesn’t know what he’s missing. The last thing I’m going to do is “console” my kid by telling him or her that he’s not that special, etc. What I’m going to say is, “forget those losers, shake the dust off your feet, and don’t look back.” "</p>
<p>Well, yeah, exactly! I didn’t say “console your kid by telling him he’s not that special.” My kids are special to me (of course) and they know that. But they weren’t “special” in the sense in that they should have expected to have any chance any different from the published acceptance rates of the places they were looking at. That’s what I see on CC, and don’t get - this assumption that these low acceptance rates are “for other people, but not what I should expect.” </p>
<p>And of COURSE the appropriate response is “forget those losers, their loss, not yours.” Absolutely. </p>
<p>“It’s a mix of a credibility issue (“Of course he/she says that, he/she’s won. What does he/she know/care? And if he/she doesn’t care about my hurt feelings*, why should I listen to him/her”) along with this criticism being viewed during the midst of great disappointment as exhibiting behavior of a “sore winner” gloating about his/her wonderful outcomes in a roundabout manner…however untrue it may be.”</p>
<p>Oh stop it already. I have never “gloated about my kids’ wonderful outcomes.” When I announced it on CC, I said I was pleasantly surprised and humbled. </p>
<p>Then again, each of my kids had a second choice school that was maybe 20 USNWR places below their first choices, and if they’ve gotten in those places instead? Great. They were / are great places too. I’m happy that my kids got what they wanted because it’s what they wanted, not because I’m under some delusion that going to those second choices would have meant some awful, suboptimal thing. </p>
<p>Incidentally, in my family…there was little tolerance for students or sometimes, even their parents* to openly complain about college admission outcomes. </p>
<p>The “old world” default assumption was if you were rejected, you were fully responsible for not cutting the mustard. However…with most older relatives…they’d only bring up that factor if the rejected applicant started complaining about “being wronged” out loud. The general idea is to take stock of where one fell short…if any and move on. </p>
<p>By the same token, there wasn’t much tolerance for students with good admission outcomes or their parents to brag about it or even mention it too publicly/often*. Doing so was considered “being a sore winner” and similarly not tolerated.</p>
<p>The greater importance placed on actually graduating with degree in hand may have also played a factor. </p>
<ul>
<li>More than 2-3 times unless asked by someone who didn’t know/forgot.<br></li>
</ul>
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<p>I never said you did. </p>
<p>However, I did say that’s how many parents who are feeling anger/angst over their own kids’ rejections may perceive such criticisms if it came from you or anyone else who had great college admission outcomes…HOWEVER UNWARRANTED IT MAY BE.</p>
<p>I had one kid who had no rejections, and one who was rejected from both of her top choices and her third choice wasn’t really affordable. She ended up attending one of her two safeties. I wouldn’t say any of us were ever mad, but disappointed for her. Looking back six years later, she now says, “The admissions committees knew what they were doing.” She had a fantastic experience at her safety (Phi Beta Kappa, senior thesis nominated as one of the top 60 in the country in her area of study, super study abroad and internship experiences, a great job after graduation, loved her college). </p>
<p>My “zero” on this list would be not to dwell on rejections AT ALL. There is just no benefit to anyone. Have a bonfire with the rejection letters if it makes you feel better, but move on quickly to the options that are on the table and start getting excited about those. Buy t-shirts, send in housing deposits, and book travel to orientation if needed. The faster the better… this is not a kind of mourning that ever has any closure, and you also won’t get much if any sympathy from others for your “loss”. So skip it.</p>
<p>I’m not sure being “mad” at anyone is worthwhile. </p>
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<p>Yes, but what about a student who would have been dispirited, possibly to the point of dropping out, if s/he attended a state flagship school, and for whom only an elite school was considered a proper fit? <a href=“How common is getting "shut out" for "reasonably good" students? - #219 by Pizzagirl - Parents Forum - College Confidential Forums”>How common is getting "shut out" for "reasonably good" students? - #219 by Pizzagirl - Parents Forum - College Confidential Forums;
<p>The one thing that you mustn’t do is allow the kid to develop the attitude that the world is rigged against you. There isn’t a more regrettable attitude, and nothing is more corrosive to long term energy and work. Who can be their best if they believe that there is some underlying system set up to deny them their “due”?</p>
<p>I do think a lot of this disappointment stems from ignorance. People simply never look at the available facts on admissions, or when they do they ignore what they are looking at. In those cases, they should be angry with themselves…but that usually isn’t what happens. </p>
<p>Sigh, ucb, there’s a difference between wanting better than an average state flagship and believing that only top 10/top 20s provide that. There are a lot of shades of gray and a lot of good places in between the two. Common sense. </p>
<p>Just remember that the “average state flagship” has a lot of very competitive students who didn’t get accepted to elite schools and are “settling” and/or couldn’t afford to attend those schools even though they were accepted. Don’t worry–your kid probably won’t be the brightest kid at the “average” state school.
Don’t get mad–put the efforts into career planning. And sometimes rejections are blessings in disguise…there are more stories of success from CC of happy kids who took a less “prestigious” route than those who did.</p>
<p>As a parent of the HS Class of 2015 I’m reading the class of 2014 threads th see what pour family has to look forward to this time next year.</p>
<p>To add a very different perspective - our class of 2015 Parents Theead just learned that one of our group withdrew from the group due to the very sudden passing of their child in the class of 2015. Being mad that your S do D was not accepted into their #1 choice to spend the next 4 years really doesn’t compare to what this family is now facing & dealing with.</p>
<p>Agree with fluffy2017. While a person has the right to be disappointed for a day or two, there is no reason to be mad. It is a life lesson on how to focus on the positives (the schools that accepted the student) and how to move on with life with a positive attitude after things don’t work out as expected.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Anyone who has told you that the results of the college admissions game are a reflection on your worth as a person. </p></li>
<li><p>Your math teachers, who never gave you a problem wherein you had to calculate how many valedictorians there are, how many people with top 1% SAT scores, and how many Ivy League slots are available. (Yes, you quickly find out that the entire Ivy League could fill its class four times over with top 1% SAT kids, or entirely with valedictorians and saluditorians.) </p></li>
<li><p>Yourself, for not knowing how much fun you’re going to be having six months from now.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>Was that harsh? I cried when I got a deferral and was sad when I was rejected, but I was 17 and knew that it wasn’t a referendum on who I am as a person or an intellectual.</p>
<p>Per USNews:</p>
<p>Number of Ivy League freshmen seats available: 14,259
Number of freshmen seats in the remaining top 20 universities (actually 22 because of a 3-way tie for #20): 26,097
Number of freshmen seats in the top 19 LACs: 9,302
Number of freshmen seats at the military, naval, and air force academies: 3,312</p>
<p>I just looked this up out of curiosity and am so glad that ariesathena mentioned the number of Ivy League slots so as not to have wasted my time doing it. :)</p>
<p>Frazzled, that sounded a bit passive-aggressive. Am I misreading your comment? </p>
<p>At any rate, it’s silly to look at the number of open seats - wow, fourteen thousand, my kid can grab one of those! - without looking at the supply of talent.</p>
<p>Most recent data I could find: 20,683 students got in the top 1% of SAT scores: <a href=“Home – SAT Suite of Assessments | College Board”>College Board - SAT, AP, College Search and Admission Tools;
<p>There will be similar numbers for the ACT (albeit with some overlap), thousands of valedictorians and saluditorians (of course, overlapping somewhat with the top 1% test scores), and we haven’t started counting first-generation college kids, the kids from rural nowhere who grew up on a farm and were homeschooled, the kids who came to America at age 10 and not speaking any English, the superstar athletes…</p>
<p>Get it now? “Top x%” isn’t good enough with millions of students in the game. </p>
<p>@ariesathena - Oh, sorry! No snarkiness intended at all. I spent a little time earlier today looking up how many seats there are per year at the top 20 schools, just in idle curiosity about how many slots we really are talking about. Mostly because it seems to me that, this year, we’ve had more than the usual number of CC kids shut out, or nearly. As I did so, I wondered how I’d ever be able to drop it into a CC thread because I don’t know what it means, exactly - just that, no matter how many seats there are, there are more capable kids out there than seats.</p>
<p>I will have to get this internet thing right one of these days. Truly, I was just throwing in a random factoid and was glad you gave me the chance to do it.</p>
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<p>Why does anyone assume these kids are “very spoiled?” Some kids handle disappointment better than others. IMO, I think this has more to do with things like personality , past experience and the environment they live in than it does with being “spoiled.” It also has to do with just how badly they wanted to go to XYZ College and what their options are. If you’ve got UVa at in state rates as an option, getting shot down by HYPS may not hurt as much as if your instate option is nowhere near that good. </p>
<p>I’ve seen Asian immigrant kids distraught because they genuinely appreciate what their parents have sacrificed for their sake and feel that they have failed their families when they don’t get into a top college. And, yes, some of the parents do think their kids must have done something wrong if they don’t get the prize. </p>
<p>I’ve seen kids who have been dragged to every homecoming football game for their parents’ elite alma mater since the day they were born and as a result can’t see themselves anyplace else. (In many cases, there are also older sibs who went to the alma mater.) </p>
<p>I’ve known kids who had an interest in a relatively obscure field who got shut out at the schools which offer it. (There aren’t all that many places in the US where you can study Egytology as an UG.) </p>
<p>Some kids simply CARE more about where they go to college than others do. It’s easy to criticize these kids if you don’t have the same priorities. I do believe that MOST kids will “bloom where they are planted.” But there are also “orchid kids” who really NEED a certain kind of environment. </p>
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<p>You know why? Because when the kid from Harvard UG gets into a top MD/PhD program or wins a Rhodes or gets a job with McKinsey, it’s not as much of a story as when someone who went to directional state U does it. </p>
<p>Bottom line: It’s only been 2 days (or less) since these kids got their hearts broken. It’s perfectly appropriate for them to vent–and venting on an anonymous message board isn’t a bad place to do it. To me, calling these kids “very spoiled” is absurd. </p>