Tired of negative reactions to daughter's choice

Parents Forum
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<p>I have a daughter who just finished her freshman year at NYU. This issue isn't really so much about NYU but about others questioning your child's college choice. Others here posted many valid reasons why some make such reactions. Then I am reading some people here telling why NYU or NYC is so great as if selling it. The thing is, NYU or NYC is not for everyone. The important thing is that this college is just what YOUR DAUGHTER wanted. People should respect that even if it wouldn't be their OWN choice. I don't care if others like NYU or NYC or would allow their child to go there. I only care that my D LOVES it and wanted to go there since she was much younger. Learning of her acceptance brought tears of joy, especially since she received the news in the hospital in a very injured state and circumstances. It was a dream come true. Now, when I chose a college, I didn't want a big one like that or a location or lack of campus like that, nor did my older D. But I totally get why my D wanted to go and why it is a wonderful fit for HER. I don't care what others think and would only say that "this school is exactly what my D wanted and it fits her so well and she is extremely happy there."</p>

<p>I'll even get comments from my own family....like my mom (who is a very negative/critcial person)....now, my mother grew up in....guess...Manhattan even! And guess where she went to college (but did not graduate).....NYU! LOL Yet, she was like, "I can't believe you are letting your D go there and be in the city on her own," etc....(let me add that my D graduated early and started NYU at age 16 and grew up in a rural town in Vermont, on a dirt road, no traffic lights even in our entire town.) My mom realizes the school is what my D wanted and also she goes to Tisch and she gets it but still chastises me for letting her go to college and in NYC. Then again, she just remarked yesterday how we let our other D go to Brown when she had a full ride at her state university which was not the right fit for her. </p>

<p>So, ya know, it doesn't matter if others are not into NYU or not into NYC...what matters is that your D is going where she really wants to go and is gonna have a great time and once she gets there, you also can answer others with how happy she is there. No need to sell NYU to others. The point only needs to be that she chose the school because it was everything she was looking for in a college and she is delighted to have been accepted where she wanted to go. Let's face it, naysayers have their own agendas. Who cares if they like it or would let their own kid go? It only matters that your kid likes it and you are real happy about it! And ...... it truly is a very good school, which is besides the point. </p>

<p>My D is having the time of her life and I bet your D will as well. That's what it's about!</p>

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<p>UCSD-UCLA-DAD: Nothwestern is in the midwest and while it's not on the ocean, they do have a great beach.</p>

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<p>My D only wants an urban/city school, she can't imagine herself at a school in the Burbs, in the country, in the outskirts of a city (Boston College was too far from Boston for her tastes)</p>

<p>So it is true to each their own...</p>

<p>I see more judgements of people who decide that at this point a community college is the way to go, for any number of reasons...those kids are often afraid or embarrassed to tell anyone where they are going, becuase of peoples reactions, Oh, JUST a CC? Which is really mean. One girl lied to everyone about her school for 5 months....</p>

<p>We need to elevate the status of Community Colleges in peoples minds as being a place to be for many people due to academics, financials, family circumstances, work, etc. I know some very bright kids who either have to work and go to school, who have ill family members, whose parents will not pay, who have chosen to do CC for the first couple of years and then transfer...those kids don't need to be looked down on for the choices they made, and very often on this site we see that, well if you don't do this CC for you as if its some kind of jail term</p>

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<p>"Put it down to the increasing self-righteousness of Americans. You make polite conversation and they feel entitled to criticize decisions which are none of their business. It's snarky and rude behavior, period."
Exactly, cheers.</p>

<p>The only appropriate response to the statement, "My daughter will be attending XYZ University in the fall," is "How wonderful!" Or some other cheerful reply. Follow this with pleasant chitchat that conveys your genuine interest in her choice. Sending a child off to college is a major undertaking. Your good wishes will only make the move easier on your friends or acquaintances.</p>

<p>I've smiled and offered congrats to parents who are sending their kids off to dreadful colleges (in my opinion.) Why would I in a million years wish to wound them with unkind sentiments?</p>

<p>NYU is terrific. Someone posted earlier that the high number of adjuct professors is a problem. I disagree. NYC is really the capitol of the world. The best & the brightest work here in numerous fields. Those are the adjucts NYU gets. Real world experience and insights from the world's best. Can't beat it.</p>

<p>Cheers: I studied architecture a long time ago (hubby has a BArch, too) and just last week finally got out to see Chicago. I must admit I was thoroughly impressed with the city's architecture. (Took that architectural boat ride.) My daughter fell in love with the city and now claims she will be attending college there. She is also a fan of NYU and everything about NYC. But as we live in a suburb only 10 miles away, Chicago seems much more exotic and appealing.</p>

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<p>Thanks again, everyone. It appears we're not the only ones who have experienced this phenomenon!</p>

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<p>Assuming your daughter is up to the challenge of navigating in a big city environment, I add my congratulations to her great choice. Do the naysayers know your daughter well enough to judge her level of independence? Would you agree NYU might not be the right place for a shy, sheltered girl from a small school in a rural environment?
If you're wondering where some of us get our notions about NYU, check Princeton Review: "Even the go-getters who thrive at NYU have trouble cutting through the red tape that has become a symbol of the university's administration. As one student puts it, trying to get in touch with the proper people in the administration to get something done "is like trying to get attention from inanimate objects." "</p>

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<p>Celloguy...my D goes to NYU and she grew up in rural Vermont. Our town has 1700 people. We live on a dirt road. One cannot walk to anything. We have no fast food, no traffic lights, no public transportation, etc. NYC is the most opposite extreme of an environment than where my D grew up. Her dorm had more kids than our entire middle/high school by far. So? My kids wanted to go to college in an environment different than the one in which they grew up. Should they have stayed in VT because it wasn't as much of a contrast and/or gone to another rural college? Even when my hubby and I moved here pre-kids, we thought it was a great place to bring up a family and figured when the kids went to college, they could try out a completely different lifestyle and then as adults could decide upon the type of environment they'd like to settle in eventually. I am pretty sure that my D who goes to NYU will settle in NYC or at least upon graduation as her field is Musical Theater and that is where she'll need to be to pursue work. My D may be from a tiny rural town but she is not shy and I don't considered her sheltered other than the fact that her way of life here was so very different than a kid growing up in a city or suburbia (places she has been many times). By the way, she started NYU at age 16, as she graduated HS in 3 years, plus had entered K early as well. </p>

<p>I don't think the "right place", as you put it, needs to match a similar environment from where one grew up. In fact, my kids think that UVM is in a very cool small city that would be appealing to college aged kids and to themselves had they not grown up in VT and so I can see why some city kids gravitate toward UVM and the contrast from their upbringing and the chance to do outdoor activities in the mountains. My kids think it is appealing but just not enough of a change. They wanted to live in a totally different environment than they were used to. One of my kids chose Brown which is in Providence, a smaller city than NYC but a city nonetheless.</p>

<p>While my youngest child has only attended NYU for one year, I must say we have not run into any red tape or trouble getting anything taken care of.....no problems whatsoever. Whenever I have had to call about something, I get a person who can help me every time. </p>

<p>My D is thriving at NYU and living in NYC and could not be happier. It was more an adjustment for ME, than for her...hard for me to get used to having my kid going all these places on her own, etc, so unlike at home. But her time had come and this is what college is about...spreading your wings. I had to let her fly. And she flew readily...no apprehension WHATSOEVER. She figured out how to navigate the city by foot or subway and much else.</p>

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<p>soozievt, pleeeze, calm down and reread what I said. Geeez! You completely misunderstood my comment. Did you think I was talking to you? I was addressing the OP, who didn't comment about her D's background.</p>

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<p>As I said in my original posting, we feel that NYU suits our daughter perfectly. We may live in a rural part of California, but we have traveled extensively and she has spent extended time in Los Angeles, as well. We're confident that she is prepared, although we all know it will be an adjustment.</p>

<p>celloguy and soozievt, I would also disagree with the Princeton Review comment about red tape. Every time I have called NYU, I have reached a helpful person who has answered my question or promised to find the answer--and has called me back promptly. Their computer store team is, frankly, amazing. Incredible customer service! </p>

<p>I also have a very good impression of the freshman dean in the College of Arts and Science, who said her sole goal is to ensure that no NYU student ever feels like a number. I wish all schools, large or small, were that way.</p>

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<p>Celloguy, I am well aware that you were not addressing me. However, this is a discussion forum where many folks chime in and discuss the topic at hand. It is not just a private conversation between the OP and whomever responds. I was responding to two comments that you had written and since I was the next poster, I was remarking about the previous post. </p>

<p>The two comments I chose to pipe in on were:</p>

<p>"Would you agree NYU might not be the right place for a shy, sheltered girl from a small school in a rural environment?"</p>

<p>This question doesn't seem to be about the OP's daughter per se but seems to ask about a hypothetical circumstance. My own D happens to fit the "coming from a small school in a rural environment" circumstance AND attends NYU, so I commented. </p>

<p>The second was:
"If you're wondering where some of us get our notions about NYU, check Princeton Review: "Even the go-getters who thrive at NYU have trouble cutting through the red tape that has become a symbol of the university's administration. As one student puts it, trying to get in touch with the proper people in the administration to get something done "is like trying to get attention from inanimate objects." "</p>

<p>Since, as you say, some may be negative about NYU for this particular reason (and I have written that I FULLY accept that NYU is not a good fit for many which is fine by me...I won't sell it to anyone), but since this reason was given, I offered my perspective as a parent of a kid who actually attends and that description has not been either my child's or my experience to date. Just offering a balanced view on that issue.</p>

<p>Trust me, I'm plenty calm. If I misunderstood you, I am sorry. I read those comments and responded politely in terms of sharing our experience, as well as why my children chose city environments coming from a very rural area. Please don't assign me any feelings that I am not feeling. I am not upset by any stretch of the imagination. It is simply a discussion.</p>

<p>If your post was meant to ONLY address the OP....then either PM that person, OR start your post with a header that says, "to XXXXX"...otherwise, I, as well as others, are going to continue the ongoing conversation and respond to any posts in this GROUP discussion. That's how it works. I think I may know a thing or two about this after four years on this forum. I think my post was quite polite and was meant as sharing my experience and in response to the previous post. Thank you.</p>

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<p>okay, soozviet, I reread YOUR post and I see that you were offering your experience rather than refuting mine; I read your words but thought I heard a different tone. Of course your views are valid and welcome. The reason I jumped to that wrong conclusion, I think, was that you seemed to be repeating a previous post as though I hadn't heard you the first time. I wasn't trying to argue for or against sending a girl from rural California to NYU -- after she and her family made a considered choice, it's nobody's business but their own. My post was an attempt to explain to sloparent why she might be hearing hesitation from friends/colleagues. I've been there, and I get why it's hard to listen to, but it helps to understand why others might question your choice. The Princeton Review article might be right and might be wrong, I have no way to know, but there's no doubt it's influential in how many people view NYU.</p>

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<p>Celloguy, no problem.</p>

<p>As far as what PR says, it is a good resource, but as you know, people have to visit and see for themselves and also talk to many who attend which is why I shared a personal experience since it doesn't coincide with what you read in PR (regarding contact/assistance with college personnel at NYU). For instance, many will tell you that you'll never get good FA from NYU, yet my D won a substantial four year scholarship there that really helps. That doesn't mean everyone will, but it is good to balance out "stories" about a school. </p>

<p>Also, I wasn't refuting your post but you appeared to be asking a question and so I shared what it was like for my rural teenage D, though I'd never call her "sheltered" or "shy" but clearly her home environment is light years away from her college one. But that is all part of the experience and she adjusted readily and wanted it very badly. My country bumpkin navigates subways to a job and all over the city to shows and so forth, as well as walks lots of places. I used to wonder if she'd realize the drivers don't stop for people who are in a crosswalk like they do in VT but hey, that and a myriad of other bigger things, are all part of her transition to a new "level" of her life, which is part of what college is about after all. My other teenage D is in France for the summer and has found her way as well. My 17 year old has a job in another state this summer, living on her own, where she didn't know anyone ahead of time and even has a car there. That's a big step too. Each stage has been a growth experience. My kids are never nervous about this stuff....even if I am. But I would never choose to hold them back. College is partly about leaving one's "safe" zone and experiencing something completely different....environment, peers they don't know, living on one's own, etc. </p>

<p>NYU or NYC is surely not for everyone. But if a kid really wants it and it is a good fit, it doesn't matter if it isn't what others would choose for themselves or their kids, but only that it appeals to those who make this choice. We put no restrictions on our kids' college choices and so it only mattered to us that they picked a school that met their personal criteria and lucky for them to get to go to one of their first choices. Their criteria may not even be mine but I surely can see how the colleges they chose truly fit them to a T, even if the college size and environment, and even student body, are radically different from where they grew up.</p>