<p>Lethargytm, parents are expected to pay for college, not the students, unless they fit very specific circumstances such as being over age 24, married, or having a child. There are very narrow circumstances for being considered an independent student at age 18, and very, very few kids can qualify. There are not that many kids who can pay for college on their own. If you apply for financial aid, the government and schools insist on getting financial info down to the dime on your parents, and will give out aid only if THEY are unable to pay for it. A kid who has parents who can pay and won't pay is pretty much up the creek unless he has the money to pay for it himself. He won't get anything for the schools except in very rare circumstances. Parents are EXPECTED to save for college, pay for college and borrow for college. So of course they should be involved in the college process and choices.</p>
<p>lethartytm, on behalf of my children 'thanks but no thanks' for your post! They each personally thank me for assisting them as needed. My conscience is clear so I can sleep at night knowing that I have done everything in my power to provide for children that my husband and I chose to bring into this world! 'Providing for' encompasses more than just feeding; being involved and showing interest in their lives weigh heavily in rearing children. I would rather be accused of being overbearing, than to be proven a slacker!</p>
<p>OP,</p>
<p>It is expensive even to visit the colleges, and difficult to find the time, so I insist that my daughter have good reasons to see the schools we do get to. Sometimes a competition, family event etc. is at or nearby a school, so that has helped. I use the info I find here on cc to give to my daughter so that she is getting other perspectives, other than what the colleges send and what's on their web sites. </p>
<p>It is unusual for people in our extended family to go to schools out of our backyard, let alone out of state, so it is in some ways a scary process. My daughter has a chance to go to a really good college because she has done her very best and has remained true to her delightful self. I love her and am proud of her, so I am there for her. Mostly, it is in the capacity of travel companion, and someone to bounce her impressions off of. </p>
<p>Some of us come here for moral support, so what you read as micromanaging might not actually be. The qualms and frets in our heads are sometimes easier to give to other parents, so that our kids don't need to hear all the concerns that are voiced on here.</p>
<p>I'd just like to voice my support for cpt's parsimonious explanation.</p>
<p>From the original post:</p>
<p>
[quote]
They're all grown up right?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Wrong. And why that's wrong is also in the original post:</p>
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[quote]
Buy/make some good food. Give them money for the application fee.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Grown ups typically don't require that others feed them, nor that others give them money for application fees.</p>
<p>Just go and read the OP's thread re premed. Sounds like he could use some parenting. Taking up smoking to release tension as a pre-med? Right.</p>
<p>
[quote]
They're all grown up right?
[/quote]
</p>
<p>This cracked me up. </p>
<p>My kids will still be 17 when they move into their freshman dorms. That means they're starting the college search at 15. If that's all grown up, my 44th birthday next week must mean I'm about to croak.</p>
<p>Well, I guess the promise that lethargy was done was broken.
I think we have a troll for an OP</p>
<p>I don't think most or any parents here are overly involved from what I have read. However, Lethargy does have a point about parental involvement and kid's non involvement. It is a delicate balance for some of us whose kids are not involved enough. It may be an issue for some of us whose kids' ideas about colleges do not mesh with ours. These are parenting and family issues that have to be thrashed out, and parents often have to come to the realization that these kids are becoming adults, and it is their lives. However, one thing that is absolutely crucial in the college search is knowing what family finances and philosophy on college education are. It often means that parents too have to face these questions that have been something vague and in the future. Many parents have misinformation and presumptions and have to learn what is what in the college admissions world. As do the kids. With college costs what they are, and financial/merit awards/loans pictures being what they are, it is not always easy to understand where one falls in this scene. Parents definitely must be involved as they have to fill out extensive financial info forms for kids to be eligible for a lot of the money and loans out there. Or if parents are paying, they need to know what they are getting for their money as they do for anything they buy, especially at those numbers. Kids can make mistakes, get misinformation, as parents can, and when they work in tandem, a clearer picture is there for everyone about the possibilities and the best choices.</p>
<p>Great post cptofthehouse !</p>
<p>Reading some of the responses it sounds like the op touched on a nerve. I was not too involved with the college application process. I left it up to the kids. I just gave them general guidelines. I'll pay half of the equivalent of state school tuition. If they want OOS they have to give me a good reason why and they have to find the additional money on their own. They made some mistakes and I hope they learn from them.</p>
<p>Choosing a college is a huge, complicated, expensive, life-altering decision--one that neither parent nor child has any experience with, at least the first time around. Why shouldn't we work together to navigate this process?</p>
<p>Back in the Stone Age when I was a high school student, my parents did nothing to help me figure it out. They didn't talk with me about my choices, they didn't talk to me about finances. They meant well; they just didn't know anything about colleges, since hardly anyone in their families had gone to one. The Web didn't yet exist as a research tool, and my high school counselor was so useless that she should've been sued for malpractice. (I was a NMF with perfect grades and the only advice she gave me was, "You can do whatever you want.") So I was left adrift alone, without a clue that a student like me could aspire to top colleges even though my parents didn't have money. I went to a mediocre state university because I thought that was all we could afford.</p>
<p>I want my kids to know all their options. I don't want their dreams hobbled the way mine were. So yes, I will darn well help them research, take them on visits, and encourage them to think as big as their talents and our family finances will allow.</p>
<p>Where I agree that some parents cross the line is trying to live vicariously through their kids. The dad who pushes Big Name University when his child feels more at home at Friendly Creative No-Name College; the parent who insists on filling out her child's applications to do them "right"; the parent who refuses to pay for college unless the child majors in something of the parent's choosing--those are the situations where parents need a big whack with the Clue Stick.</p>
<p>But most of us just love our kids and want to help them make a good decision in the best interests of their happiness and success.</p>
<p>My son has a very good friend whose parents did not guide him or support college. He has been washing dishes in a restaurant since he graduated from hs. He is lost and very unhappy right now. He has a few thousand dollars in the bank after 2 years of washing dishes, and living at home without expenses. He had a guidance counselor who encouraged him to take his SATs as a senior. His gc encouraged him to apply to college and he was accepted, but his parents were not paying for it. I think that there was huge "disconnect" between the hs gc and this student's parents. I believe that his parents were embarrassed to say that they don't have the funds for college. Instead of encouraging college, his parents encouraged vocational training. They suddenly realized that what they were encouraging came with a $40,000 price tag, so that went out the window. This young man has been socially isolated for 2 years and is in a rural location without a car. He wants to make changes in his life, but doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. If one has parents who are supportive, guiding, and paying for an education, be grateful.</p>
<p>
[quote]
My parents were never involved in my academic career after the 9th grade. I straight up told them then dont bother me about this crap and I wont ask you for money. My father just asked to see my final report cards. I chose every aspect of my preparation. From the SATs to the grades, EC, recommendation, and tuition fees. I paid and pay for my college tuition, room and board, travel fees, books all by myself (through my investments in stocks mostly). I dont want their help. Although they cover my occasional pizza frenzy. I recognize food as being not part of my educational experience since everyone has to eat.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>It sounds like you are quite self-sufficient already and do not need much from parents. Most kids are not like you and need guidance and help. You invest enough in the stock market to pay your college expenses ? You know you are rare right ? So your op do not apply to most.</p>
<p>My research definately helped my D a lot. She would not be where she is now without it. It was thru my research that we found a program that my D is currently enrolled. She is very happy about it after her freshman year at college.
However, her part was to get those A's and ACT score, and I did not push her about that part of her preparation. I am a strong believer that you cannot push them in academic area. However, I always offered help and my D used her father and me as a great source of academic help whenever SHE felt that we could help her.</p>
<p>My parents were an invaluable part of my search. My results-great fit and great school-would not have been the same without them. They know people who went to all sorts of schools and put me in touch, gave the benefit of their more experienced perspectives while touring and did some of the research on programs so I could focus on school. </p>
<p>In my family everything is looked at in terms of the happiness and success of the family as a whole. If I'm no happy and thriving, they're not happy.</p>
<p>They're also making a big investment in my education, they deserve input. Where I draw the line is when parents try to make the final decision.</p>
<p>
[quote]
My parents were never involved in my academic career after the 9th grade. I straight up told them then dont bother me about this crap and I wont ask you for money. My father just asked to see my final report cards. I chose every aspect of my preparation. From the SATs to the grades, EC, recommendation, and tuition fees. I paid and pay for my college tuition, room and board, travel fees, books all by myself (through my investments in stocks mostly). I dont want their help.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Nietzsche had some harsh but relevant words:</p>
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[quote]
Let us finally consider how naive it is altogether to say: "Man ought to be such and such!" Reality shows us an enchanting wealth of types, the abundance of a lavish play and change of forms�and some wretched loafer of a moralist comments: "No! Man ought to be different." He even knows what man should be like, this wretched bigot and prig: he paints himself on the wall and comments, "Ecce homo!"
[/quote]
</p>
<br>
<blockquote> <p>I straight up told them then dont bother me about this crap and I wont ask you for money.<<</p> </blockquote>
<br>
<p>D needed our money so had to put up with our bothering her about this crap.</p>
<br>
<blockquote> <p>I straight up told them then dont bother me about this crap and I wont ask you for money.<<</p> </blockquote>
<br>
<p>Wish I'd hear from my D. It would be ok, sign right here, Little Miss.</p>
<p>Don't you want to help them financially no matter what they say? They are still very immature and it is a lost effort to pay close attention to what they say. It is important if they are on a right track in their life overall.
We let our D know that we will try our best to support her financially. It makes her very appreciative and reasonable in her choices.</p>
<p>With all due respect, the OP is just messing with us- came out swinging to pick a fight. Here he claims that he didn't "ask" his parents for any money for college and that his mom attended a CC and makes over $170K, yet in another thread, he says
[quote]
I mean I pay for my own college, out of the money I have in stocks since like 9th grade, but still, my parents offered. They actually paid my entire firstyear, and they pay for my food. </p>
<p>Oh yea, I'm out of state too. My parents dont even make 100k.
[/quote]
Troll.</p>
<p>And this line
[quote]
I dont want their help.
[/quote]
sadly, says it all. I do think this OP (and btw, abbreviations are explained in the "abbreviations" thread- a good place to do research lethargy) has significant issues with his own parents, or he wouldnt be in such need of an attitude adjustment.</p>