<p>Hi
I've written in the past and everyone has been very supportive. My daughter is classic INTP which we have discussed before.</p>
<p>In a quandry. My d is going to see her college advisor for the first time this year. She has been struggling- not so much with the academics; although she has found her major - very tough, it's demading she get out of her comfort zone and recruit actors etc. She ios in a threesome dorm room and they haven't clicqued - She had the option to change dorm rooms but she chose the familar rather than the unfamiliar. - more the social.<br>
She has told us more than once that she is lonely and has no friends. She hasn't joined a group, although she has gone to some meetings but it just hasn't worked for her. We have advised her but can't make her do things. Have suggested ways to meet people, go to the counseling office the whole 9 yards.</p>
<p>I've been debating calling the advisor and trying to give him the scoop. My concern is he's busy, she is shy and she'll never really share her mutiple dilemma's the social, the doubts about her major. </p>
<p>We have talked about the upcoming appointment and I've encouraged her to prepare and outline her dilemma's. I hesitate because there is a part of me that feels I should butt out. I just wish she had someone objective that she could consider in her court and champion for her. She has made incredible strides this first year and I'm very proud of her . Don't want to undermine what she has accomplished - just hate to see her unhappy and lonely. </p>
<p>Has anyone ever called the college advisor for their child without there child knowing. I know this isn't high school - don't want to embarass her or put her at disadvantage. How do professors take parental input. She goes to a small college - < 4000 students.</p>
<p>Zafiro, legally, the advisor can not talk to you about your child unless she gives her permission. Talking without her knowing is strictly against FERPA regulations. So it's really not an option. The best you can do with her is continued discussion and re-inforcement of how to advocate for herself. Perhaps even role-playing practice conversations to help her work out the words It doesn't come easily for some students, but it really is something they need to learn for themselves.</p>
<p>(At least she's seeing her advisor; mine hasn't talked to his in a year!)</p>
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She hasn't joined a group, although she has gone to some meetings but it just hasn't worked for her. We have advised her but can't make her do things. Have suggested ways to meet people, go to the counseling office the whole 9 yards.
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At some point your D needs to realize, or be helped to realize, that her future is in her hands now. If she's not happy, or as you put it lonely and without friends, then she needs to do something to fix it. It would be cruel to suggest she do it on her own; if she knew how, I'm sure she would have done it already. There's help available, but until she is willing to take advantage of it then it might as well not exist. To sneak around calling her advisor just delays the day she takes ownership of her own life. And your talk of a "champion" for her half suggests to me that you have bought into the view that sees her as powerless and in need of someone else to clear a path for her to follow, and may very well be passing this view on to her.</p>
<p>She is shy, and many kids in college share this. But she needs to decide if she wants to take steps to change things (finding groups to join, talking to a counselor, improving her social skills) or if she wants to keep putting it off in hopes of a magical day when everything will get better. The path of taking charge is more difficult, but in the end its the only way things will change. Searching for "champions" and working behind her back to pull strings isn't going to change the fundamentals here. When you allow her to fully own her future then I think you'll see more progress.</p>