<p>My son's only going into sophomore year but around the sporting events the parents are starting to talk about where their kids will be applying. Are you telling other parents? Remaining mum? Doesn't that look secretive? Then again, its competitive out there. What do you think?</p>
<p>You can tell the truth, considering he's only a sophomore: "I have no idea". :)</p>
<p>S is going to be a junior, and when this topic comes up my response depends on who I'm talking to. If they're good friends, we talk about specific possibilities. If not, I just say "he doesn't know yet."</p>
<p>I've wondered about this when the time comes. I'm such an open book that friends would find it odd if I started acting coy about it, so I probably will be open about it. My S is pretty quiet, so he may not talk to his friends.</p>
<p>I think it would be bad form to discuss S's application list until he actually has one. JMHO of course. Seriously though, it wouldn't hurt to convey something along the lines of "Well at this point nothing's certain, but he's talked about attending USC so he can attend the Rose Bowl on a student pass each year." There have been a couple of threads in the past on this topic. If I recall correctly (no sure thing) the general advice was "Have something noncommital to say to friends and relatives, and be sure to qualify that with 'But it's still early'."</p>
<p>Parents of sophmores are doing that? Wow, you live in a very competitive neck of the woods.</p>
<p>If asked, I talk about a school D1's interested in that is either an academic or financial safety "because it's so important to make sure they've got safeties they love, don't you think?" If the person asking is a parent scoping out the competition for an Ivy spot, they drop me like a hot potato.</p>
<p>^^Agreed, even in my area (very competitive) people aren't doing that. </p>
<p>I'm a rising senior, but I have a very strong opinion on this issue. I really want to keep my entire search private, so I have asked my parents not to tell anyone, including family members, where I'm applying. I ask that they give an incredibly vague answer. This is because many people from my school do get into top schools. As you can imagine, it gets competitive and I don't want to add to that. Also, I don't want to be saying I'm applying to Ivies, Stanford, etc. and then get rejected everywhere. Personal preference.</p>
<p>But my point is that people have wildly different opinions on sharing the information. For some, it's great to share and get the viewpoints of others. For others, like myself, the process is a personal thing and there are definite drawbacks to sharing the list, or any part of it, for that matter.</p>
<p>I would definitely talk to him about it. He may not have a list, but he may say that a particular school is appealing. He may say that he doesn't want you to say anything. Definitely talk about it, and maybe use it as a way to start investigating options.</p>
<p>With that being said, if he has no interest, I wouldn't lie. Just say that you don't know. In such a (presumably) competitive environment, statements like "Oh, he's looking at Princeton!" have a habit of coming back to bite you. I've seen it happen enough to know.</p>
<p>i mean, it's probably not so competitive out there that having one more applicant from a particular high school is really going to make a difference. At any "highly selective" school, no matter how wonderful the kid is, chances are they're not going to get in...</p>
<p>otoh, it's really nobody's business where your kid is looking. When I went through the search, when asked, I would respond with a vague answer "smaller schools, the northeast" something like that, or maybe throw in a couple match/safeties.</p>
<p>But when it came down to making a decision, let the real names fly.</p>
<p>^True. After you get in, it doesn't matter. If your son doesn't mind you sharing everything (or whatever he has an idea about now), then go ahead and tell the whole truth.</p>
<p>On the other hand, I know some people who bragged about their college choices, and ended up at the safety they were slamming before because of rejections at their top choices. It was embarrassing for them.</p>
<p>There was also a mother, who worked with my father, that had a son who applied to Williams. She told everyone about it. When his acceptance came, he wrote a very realistic but fake rejection letter and gave it to her. Imagine her embarrassment when she told everyone that her son didn't get in! She was so confident he would. The embarrassment was compounded when he gave her the real one a couple days after.</p>
<p>I always advise parents to have exactly this discussion with their kids, and ask them how much they want you to tell and to whom. S1 was an open book and everyone knew which college he applied to ED. Fortunately he was accepted, so his heart wasn't publicly broken. S2 has asked us not to talk about it, as he is applying in music and his playing is too much heart-on-his-sleeve. We're being vague and, if pressed, we'll honestly say that S2 doesn't want to broadcast it.</p>
<p>Before they apply: "Not sure yet!"</p>
<p>After they apply: "Don't want to jinx it!"</p>
<p>Not an issue here, as rising sr S is applying to small LAC's that no one around here has even heard of. Actually, all are RA schools, so he submitted all the apps online today. YEA! The worst part (getting S to write essay, resume, etc) is over. Now is just the waiting......</p>
<p>Now college sr S also applied to less known schools and MIT, so it wasn't an issue then either.</p>
<p>It depends on the who and the why- no reason to say anything to early as minds change. My DD is an athlete who looked at one list of schools for one sport all through grade 11, then in spring of grade 11 she discovered a new sport which she was born to play and the entire list changed.</p>
<p>If people are snarky and competitive it is better to have a predetermined vague answer; if it is a good friend who is also stressing, it is fine to share realities, but the best place to share stress is really on CC, so to people really searching for their own kids sake, give them this website :D</p>
<p>Thanks for the ideas....I think some of the parents here are trying to scope out who on my kid's sport circuit would be considering D1 vs D3, etc. and there are just so many spots on a team at this or that school. What I would say would indicate how good an athlete I think I have...am I making sense? I found myself trying to think quickly and then blamed it on my husband with, "well, as H says, academics first so, we'll see!".....yuk....Its all ridiculous...I want out with three years to go.... thank goodness for a reality check at CC.</p>
<p>Asking the question can sometimes be other than snooping. </p>
<p>Some parents really don't have much of an idea where their own kid should apply and are interested to know where other kids are interested in going. They might also want to know from other parents what it'd take to possibly go to those schools. I think there are a fair number of fairly clueless parents out there when it comes to college and asking some of these questions can help them. For example, I told some parents of the requirements and selecivity of the UCs. Many of them weren't aware and once they have more knowledge, they might get junior to enroll in more AP classes or not get their hopes up that they can easily get into UCLA just because it's a state school in their area. Ditto for the ivies - some parents think that a straight A student can be almost a slam-dunk for an ivy. They have no idea how selective they are.</p>
<p>I suggest seeing if the conversation is going to be one of seeking practical information or one of bragging and if it's the former, impart what knowledge you might have that might be helpful. If it's the latter, come up with some good quips.</p>
<p>^If you think people are going to use the information in any way (i.e., comparing your children to theirs) and are not simply curious about the answer, definitely don't tell. I wouldn't want to answer knowing that some person is judging me or my children based on a college choice two years before it's actually made.</p>
<p>A vague answer... "We're still looking." "Little Tommy wants to stay in-state." "We're looking at LACs/universities/party schools/dumpsters." You get the idea.</p>
<p>I don't care so much about whether people are going to "use" the info or not, actually. I care more about my son's vulnerability if everyone knows where he's applied, and his heart is publicly broken.</p>
<p>kenf1234, great response(s). I've got to remember those!</p>
<p>For the general, conversational question, we're saying something like "the Catholic/Jesuit colleges seem to have nice Classics departments, so she's looking at several., and is interested in learning about the women's colleges" Daughter has a group of wonderful friends and they're sharing because for the small amount of overlap, we're trying to take turns on the trips to save money. However, as most of you know, my daughter has a classmate whose mother is competitive with her to the point of violence, so outside of either casual answers and close friends, we won't let anyone know where she actually is applying. When the time comes i don't expect to allow her admissions/scholarships (should she be so blessed) to be made public. We do have reason to be afraid for that information to come to the woman's attention.</p>
<p>"I care more about my son's vulnerability if everyone knows where he's applied, and his heart is publicly broken."</p>
<p>That's the big one. That's why talking to your son is so important, just so he feels comfortable with the level of privacy you two agree on.</p>