<p>To help the lump of coal on the couch become a diamond in the rough?</p>
<p>1) So that my kids will have choices down the road.</p>
<p>2) Because I’m tired of cleaning up after them.</p>
<p>Not every kid is an open book complete with detailed handling instructions. Even we who know these children best, may possess few clues as to who they truly are or what they are capable of. So, we try to discern what is their potential and demand they achieve accordingly. Sometimes we are wrong about what their best effort is, or how much they can handle, and so our expectations are unrealistically high. That’s when they feel “pressure”. But only by pressuring do we (and often they themselves) learn where their limits are. Then we can adjust and proceed with more wisdom. Parenting is an inexact science.</p>
<p>I think if we don’t push our kids to be the best they can be, we cheat the world.</p>
<p>It’s our over-the-top egos. We live through our kids. Just kidding. It is about dirty socks and extrapolated out, it’s about the way we see them approaching life in general and there is fear that when it’s needed, the “get off your duff and do it” won’t be there. It’s knowing that it’s a competitive world out there and wanting our children to be at least involved in the competition at some level, i.e., to participate in the life they’ve been given. On the other hand, I have one kid who I hear myself actually telling to slow down and take it easy because I’m afraid she’s going to hurt herself and get sick because she’s not getting enough rest. That’s pressure, too. In the end, I’m pressuring them to find out who they really are that’s useful to the rest of us and then pursue that to the best of their ability. I kind of think that’s the responsibility of all parents.</p>
<p>The tricky part is that it’s possible to pressure either too much, or too little, and I often feel like we’re doing both at once–getting in his face too much to allow him to relax and take charge of his own life, and at the same time, letting too many things slide. Parenting is an art, and we ain’t no Picassos in our house, I’m afraid. But we keep applying the brush as best we can, because if we don’t, nobody else will. Hopefully a coherent picture will emerge in the end.</p>
<p>Yeah, the zig when you should zag problem. I feel pretty good if I think 80 percent of my decisions regarding D were right. </p>
<p>There are a couple I still second guess myself about and then there are some things that seemed of monumental import at the time but which look pretty insignificant now.</p>
<p>Morismm, I love your reply. I think you’re right. It skips a generation!</p>
<p>Why do I put pressure on my son? To save him from himself! Left to his own devices, son would completely blow off school. And then regret it later. I put pressure on him because I don’t want his immaturity today limit his options tomorrow.</p>
<p>As a parent whose children are fortunate enough to be blessed with a lot of academic ability, H & I have high (although not unreasonable) expectations academically. We do not want our children to waste the talents that they have been given.</p>
<p>Nightchef, your post was wonderful!</p>
<p>The art of parenting…
none of us received great training at this, some of us had better models from our own parents than others, but we’re all doing the best we can.
No Picassos at my house either.</p>