<p>This question popped up in my mind and was curious how much is put on them.</p>
<p>Personally, my parents don't put much pressure on me at all. While they don't want to see me getting any C's, they know I have quite a bit of self discipline and let me deal with all the pressures.</p>
<p>So kids/parents, how much pressure is put on you?</p>
<p>Some parents (smart parents?) can encourage their children to do well without so much pressure. Of course, that depends on the child.</p>
<p>Pressure? We've told our kids that there will be more choices of colleges the better they do, but that's about it. It's not like you can motivate them to do better then they want to. We told both our kids at the beginning of the college search how much we will pay per year so they could either a) get merit aid and go to a private school, b) go to a state school where we would pay full freight c) go to a private school and if they didn't get aid we would co-sign loans that they would have to pay back. Guess that's pressure..</p>
<p>I put enough pressure on myself without needing someone else to make it worse. :X</p>
<p>My parents had me on the incentive system. When I was younger (3rd grade) it was a $1/A on a test and $20 for straight A's. They've gotten rid of the $1 per A (6th grade), but now give me $40 for straight A's. It's not much, but it's something I think about when I'm doing work. (It obviously worked - I got straight A's for 28 straight quarter from 4th through 11th, I'm 30/32 lifetime).</p>
<p>No pressure. They know I get my work done, even though it bothers them how much I procrastinate.</p>
<p>The pressure comes from my own D. I can't begin to count the times I told her that she should just go to bed, and if she didn't have one thing finished, so what???? One lower grade wouldn't kill her (maybe a 96 instea dof a 98???). But she stayed up anyway. She is the perfectionist adn workaholic, not me. Yes, she knows I think she should work to her potential, and that she is very bright. But I also wanted her to have a life. She did have one, but not the kind I envisioned. She was active in academic extracurriculars, and was very happy.</p>
<p>Every time I ask the kids if we pressure them, they just laugh. Their peers are all very high achieving & the teachers are excellent, so they know the resources are there. We have discussed with the kids that the better their qualifications, the more options they will have. Since my kids have struggled with health challenges over the past 4-5 years, we just let them manage their own schedules & choose the courses they feel will be a good match for their interests & abilities. The GC approves of everything they've chosen & they've been pretty happy.
They have not gotten straight A's much, but do well enough--mostly A's & B's & have a good understanding of the materials.</p>
<p>Neither the kids nor I have complaints of what they learned & their level of effort of the amount of work they do. They have friends & participate in what they enjoy & have time to read & don't seem overly stressed about school or much of anything.</p>
<p>I choose to see it as a higher expectation level. We want all of our children to graduate from high school and hopefully graduate from college--at least attempt college.</p>
<p>My children have never considered college optional--always assumed that they would attend & graduate from college, as all their extended family, including many professional degrees. Since they were old enough to talk about school, they have been toying with WHICH college they would like to attend--whether the local state U or a different school.</p>
<p>Wow, I have to say I'm quite shocked.</p>
<p>Upon starting this poll, I expected, like some at my school, if they're grades aren't up to snuff, they take the TV away. Not only are the one's here seem more intelligent, but it looks like you guys have better parents :p (Now, I'm not implying that if your parents do take away the TV they're bad parents, just strict in our eyes)</p>
<p>Since my parents don't post I'll answer for them... My parents never put pressure on me. They know that I care about my success and don't feel it necessary to micro manage me. I'm happy for it, because while I may have slacked off a bit and am therefore not able to consider tier one schools, when I work hard at either school or an extra curriculer activity I know that I am doing it for myself and not someone else.</p>
<p>My parents never put any pressure on me... However, my mom did get upset with me sophomore and junior year for staying up late working on projects, but she eventually gave up.</p>
<p>I wish my parents had put pressure on for straight A's. Not that my gpa is bad, it's 3.94 uw, but I know I could have gotten all A's if I'd actually tried harder and a 4.0 would be very nice right now.</p>
<p>Depends on how you look at it. On one hand, our attitude was "if you're doing your job, we'll do everything we can to clear your path." He school plus EC schedule was crazy but we did what <em>we</em> needed to to make it work and 99 percent of the time worked our schedules around hers. Also nearly completely ignored things like how messy her room was and cut her household chores down to zero.</p>
<p>There was never any "you must get straight A's" pressure but there was a "we expect you to do your best" attitude that might not have been distinguishable to an external observer. Just asked D; she said that the pressure from <em>us</em>, as opposed to from within or merely by circumstances, was about getting homework done and studying for math tests when she needed to. Funny...she's now a math major but three of her five B/B+ grades in his were in math courses...at least one of them was because she underestimated how hard the class was and a second was because she was too proud to go into the teacher on lunch hour and ask for help. </p>
<p>Otoh, showing drive from within, I was impressed when, months afterwards, I found up she had been staying up until 12:30-1:00am working CalcBC problem sets by hand, instead of using the calculator, to make sure she completely understood what was going on. By the end of CalcBC she was one of the top 2-3 students in the class but that all came by drive from within.</p>
<p>Parental expectations certainly come into play, as has been demonstrated on this board any number of times. D once remarked that "you're a pretty hard parent but if we were Jewish you'd be normal and if we were Asian you'd be easy."</p>
<p>Back by popular demand:</p>
<p>You know you're Asian when....</p>
<p>I convinced myself that they would be totally upset. So I don't know if they REALLY put pressure on me, or if I was following the "first child, girl, type A" syndrome. In 6th grade I came home in tears, telling Cangel that I got a 64 on a reading test. I hadn't actually read said book. It is a family joke now. I toned down my obsessiveness afterwards, maybe a bit too much. But it didn't hurt me, and i didn't lose much sleep either! Yay!</p>
<p>
Oh, gee. Does that ever ring a bell.</p>
<p>There have been countless times, when D would be zoned on some academic task that was eating hours and I knew was (relatively) inconsequential, that I would demand in my most booming parent voice that she "Put that Calculus book down. Where was that ever going to get you in life? Pick up that ball and start dribbling. You've got the rest of your life to be smart. Basketball is fleeting." ;)Usually she'd pick up the ball and head outside and we'd shoot around and after a good sweat (and/or beating me) she'd find a calm place again. Always worked for us.</p>
<p>Like a lot of us lucky parents, it was never a question of us pressuring them, but one of us protecting them from overpressuring themselves.</p>
<p>Our DD, an only child, puts more pressure on herself than anyone else could ever put on her. I'll never forget her getting off the bus sobbing in second grade. She was so upset she couldn't even talk. I was examining her for injuries and fearful she had been hurt. Finally, between sobs, she was able to get out the words "I ... got ... a ... B+ ... now I'll never get a scholarship." Initially I was angry that something I perceived to be so ridiculous had upset her so much. I then explained that colleges don't really care how she does in second grade and I told her that her job was to be a kid, have fun and learn what she could in school. She is so type-A, it's ridiculous. During kindergarten and first grade she had what she called "worries of the month." I took her to the doctor to ask if we needed a psychiatrist for her because she would say things like, "I'm afraid I'm not the number one reader", "I'm afraid I'm not the number one in math", or "My worries this month are fat and tornadoes". There were days where she would vomit because she was so worried about things. I was very concerned, but our pediatrician told us she was exhibiting very type-A personality traits and he prescribed some Tagamet for her "super-acidic" stomach. Kindergarten, second and fourth grade were her toughest years ... fourth grade "worries" exacerbated by Sister Helen, the nun from ... well, you know. Although she still will not allow herself to get anything less than an "A" on a report card, she has mellowed out a bit over the past four to five years. As she begins her senior year next week, I know she'll expect no less from herself, but DH and I have told her we hope she'll allow herself to take time for some fun things, too. Senior year should be memorable and fun!</p>