<p>I vote for letting him come home. Some kids need to adjust gradually, so be happy he has a car and can do the driving on his own.</p>
<p>For me (and this is just me) I always make sure the “home” doors are open. Just because as parent we feel we know what is right for our children, sometimes they know what is right too. He could be very overwhelmed by the whole experience and is simply craving what has always been his “norm.” Our community has lost many children over the last few years to car accidents, etc, and I can’t imagine denying my child a visit if that visit was going to be my last. And the solid truth is, we never know when the last visit is going to be…for either of us.</p>
<p>Would it be possible for you to go visit him on campus instead? Is it that he really wants his own home/bed/girlfriend, or does he really just need a hug and a little reassurance from his parents? Could you go visit him and encourage him to invite a few new friends to go to a meal/shopping excursion with you?</p>
<p>At one point when my D was young (like 7? 8?) she became super clingy, actually holding onto my clothing whenever I left the room. I could not shake her! The more I told her to leave me alone, the more she clung to me. So I racked my brain and figured, okay, reverse psychology time. so, I made sure I was constantly attentive to my D. I made sure I was always within sight or earshot of D. Every few minutes I would check in with her, even if she was 4 feet away with me. " Oh, sweetie, what are you reading?" “Honey, that picture you are drawing is so colorful.” “That dance looks fun, can you teach me?” My presence was always there.</p>
<p>Within 2 days of this “hovering” on my part, D was suddenly more assertive about her independence and no longer clinging to me. </p>
<p>In the case of your son, I would allow him to come home this weekend. If he shows a continued pattern doing this, then I would start “aversion therapy”: YOU start calling him every day or so, tell him you’re “just checking in, seeing how you’re doing”, and make sure you talk to him personally, also leave voice mails…sMother him with love and attention. </p>
<p>Can his girlfriend not visit at college? Also, is this the first time your son has ever been alone. i.e. he shares a bedroom at home? Just curious, because most college students LOVE it when their roommate is gone, they have the whole room to themselves!</p>
<p>I think the visit is more for the GF and the roommate’s return is convenient. While it would be better for your son to make connections to the people at school I would say OK. But if it became a habit I would turn off the welcome light. IMO college is a time for students to stretch themselves. Coming home won’t do that (except in getting experience for cross country trucking).</p>
<p>I don’t see a problem with his wanting to come home (especially since there is a GF there…), but I would try to find out if his friend (the roommate who has to come home) is putting some pressure on your son, since your son is the one with a car. If that’s the case, saying “no” may solve the problem for your son…</p>
<p>I’m with Colorado_mom in post #7. Stay at school. Start building some relationships and see what the campus has to offer.</p>
<p>Se offered S1 the opportunity to come home for a weekend during his first quarter at school. Just enough of an escape hatch if he needed to decompress, was homesick, etc. Never took us up on it. Will offer the same option to S2. Expect the same result.</p>
<p>I’d go with the “it’s the GF” hypothesis here, but also have a chat while he’s home about how the weekends on campus are a good time to meet people, etc. He may change his mind about coming home once football season starts, too. :)</p>
<p>I’ve never said “no” and it wasn’t easy. In the beginning D wanted to come home more than I would have liked, missed her BF and has always taken a while to make friends. But I know it was hard and I wanted her to have a home base if she needed it for a weekend.</p>
<p>That was one year ago. She came home less and less as freshman year progressed and is super-excited to head back tomorrow. Still has the same BF and they are saying their goodbyes tonight. She seems to have a healthy attitude about it all though.</p>
<p>I would go visit my son. As much as I agree with the idea that our door is always open, setting up a pattern of coming home to see the girlfriend is not something I’d be interested in fostering.</p>
<p>lindab, let him come home and see the gf. Do you think she’s putting pressure on him to come? Maybe he’s thinking if he comes home this weekend, she won’t expect him to come back home on Labor Day weekend which is NCSU’s home football opener.
Go Wolfpack.</p>
<p>Let your son come home; first semester, freshman year, is not the time for tough love when dealing with your child individuating. Let him come home. You can always broker a compromise if coming home, weekends, becomes habitual.</p>