Tough (high school) decision

<p>Carolyn,
You’re probably “on the road” as you read these now. I hope your trip is going well.</p>

<p>We made the decision to switch schools last year for our daughter (from a private to our local public). Like Patient, however, it was primarily OUR decision, not our daughter’s. However, we did not take her opinion lightly by any means. Her sole reason for wanting to stay was that she had started to make good friends, did not want to leave them, and especially did not want to go through that process again. I do believe the teen’s perspective is a limited one, and that it is up to the parent to evaluate the full picture. Teen friends, however, are an important part of that picture.</p>

<p>I do sympathize with you. I must admit, it was the toughest decision I ever made (and we’ve had our share of larger decisions)! That sounds silly, and I recognize our life must be really blessed if this is the case. We found there was no apparent winner in our two choices, each school having positives and negatives, and we tried everything to help make the decision easier – evaluating AP classes, test scores, etc., ranking the pros and cons, talking it over and over with friends much to their chagrin, posting on CC, etc. (and yes, I think the CC responses were the most insightful). </p>

<p>In short, the decision was made by gut reaction, and no matter which alternative you choose, things typically turn out fine. Either way, you need to make sure you don’t kick yourself for the choice, when things go bad (and they sometimes will), at whichever school he attends next year.</p>

<p>One question arose when I read your original post. Is your son’s discontent new, or has it been building? I know my teen daughter’s mood changes radically week to week. I would want to make sure he is going TOWARD something, rather than running FROM something. </p>

<p>Here are some of the things we discovered with our change. You’ll probably have your own set of nice surprises too.</p>

<p>The new school is closer, and we knew this would be a more convenient commute for us, but it has also translated to more social activities for my daughter. The local public school draws students primarily from a 5 mile radius. Her former school draws from the entire city, and friends could be up to 45 min. away. She is far more likely to stop over at a friend’s house only 5 minutes away as opposed to making arrangements with her friends 45 min. away! Once she starts driving on her own, we will have far less hesitation to let her visit her local friends, than those across town.</p>

<p>We knew the saved tuition would help with her college fund, but we also discovered, we feel less “guilty” about occasional splurges on other things for her benefit – an outside art class, music lessons, class trips, etc. It is also a joy not to be constantly bombarded with requests for extra fund raisers. The public school has them too, of course, but less stress is placed on families to contribute substantial dollars above and beyond tuition. I feel freer to help out, when our budget is lighter.</p>

<p>I like the added diversity of her public school. It is not an inner city school, but we still have a broader range of economic backgrounds, and obviously religions! I have been amazed at how caring a community it really is. The local Catholic schools pride themselves in their community outreach, but I really haven’t seen much less from the public school. That was a nice surprise.</p>

<p>I found both schools to have a range of teachers, in experience, enthusiasm, etc. Be careful on what you hear about their willingness to return calls. I have heard the same from some of the local parents, but have often experienced just the opposite. Depending on the size, it can be more difficult for a parent to become involved at the public high school, but don’t let that stop you. Volunteer on the PTA, the parents’ athletic group, etc. I actually found it easier to do so at our local public than the private. </p>

<p>If you decide on the switch, make sure to discuss with administration or the guidance counselors beforehand, for a smooth transition. Meet with teachers beforehand, if possible. (This will also be a good indicator of just how responsive they are). My daughter’s freshman year did not perfectly align with the public school curriculum, so she did some summer work to make up the gap wherever possible. We also knew going into the change, that her GPA would be penalized by the move, primarily because of differences in calculating honors classes. At other schools, a student’s gpa may actually be helped. I think it will only be a slight penalty in our case, but at least we knew going in, rather than being surprised afterwards. </p>

<p>Good luck with the decision! And let us know how it works out.</p>

<p>There is something to be said for being at a neighborhood school with the same peer group. I went to a private school for 8 yrs and then to a different public high school. Everyone else had been together for 8 years and it was a huge adjustment, I never did like high school much. My kids were with the same classmates since Gr 1, although 4 elementary schools fed into 2 middle schools which fed into 1 high school. My kids have always loved school and been very involved with everything as a result. 2 hrs of driving a day is a lot ! Sounds like whatever you decide your son will thrive. Being happy is important though too. Let us know what you decide and have a great trip!</p>

<p>kj; Thanks for the follow-up. I remember those posts from last year.</p>

<p>Carolyn,
I know you've been busy with college visits, but I'm curious how this decision is going too. Any more thoughts? Hopefully it has become easier!</p>