<p>Does anyone have a child at what he/she thought would be their dream school last year and their child is miserable as a freshmen?</p>
<p>My daughter is a sophomore who transferred after her freshman year. She applied ED to her first school and it turned out not to be the right place for her. Mom of Wild Child has posted a similar situation with her son, who is currently a freshman at an Ivy League school - maybe she will join this thread later.</p>
<p>Is your daughter happy this year? When did you figure out that a change in the school and not your daughter would be the "solution"?</p>
<p>She started to express her unhappiness around Thanksgiving but was determined to try hard to do things to be happier. We were very surprised because at first she seemed to love her school, and she is normally not a complainer. She had been in many different situations from the time she was a very small child (daycare, schools, day camp, travel abroad in high school, etc.) and always fit in easily and thrived where ever she went, so this was very unlike her. She decided to put in some transfer applications around January, I think. Our attitude was that she could always decline the transfer admissions, if she decided to stay at her first school, but that it couldn't hurt to try to get some options. She is extremely happy at her new school, both academically and socially. She now says that if she had not transferred, she would have made her first school work out somehow. I should add that she had very valid reasons for her discontent with her first school, but that she also had some personal issues totally unrelated to college which we were not aware of at the time which contributed to her unhappiness last year.</p>
<p>Thank you for that response. My daughter is doing incredibly well academically, but is quite lonely. She is a wonderful person and I think that her housing wasn't great. She has applied to a couple of schools. Waiting...</p>
<p>A lot of people don't realize that their childs freshman dorm could have a big impact on their experience freshman year. Those who find themselves living in a dorm that is comprised of singles where the doors are heavy and shut closed could find the experience isolating. The same is true where a freshman finds that theyt are living in a dorm that is comprised not totally of freshman but of upperclassmen and it is hard to make connections.
I think that those who found themselves in suites in social dorms, or doubles in social dorms found the experience less lonely and make friendds easier</p>
<p>Ahhh...that is so hard to hear from your child. That she is unhappy at school. That is where she sleeps, eats, learns and lives. A parent wants to be sympathetic, console the child, and at the same time try and get the child to be tough. But every child is different. Some are more sensitive, others are able to shrug things off.
Does she have room-mates, and are they just not her type? Has she been involved in dorm/house activities? Or is ti the entire culture at the school that does not fit her personality?</p>
<p>I think part of the problem is that there is no general common room in the Dorm to hang out in. Each suite has their own living room.</p>
<p>She has a single in a suite that has two doubles and two singles. She went to boarding school and she experienced a certain amount of freedom prior going to college that others are experiencing for the first time and does not want to be a part of some of these activities.</p>
<p>My son was not happy as a freshman at an Ivy- he was definitely miserable. The car ride home from the airport at Christmas was painful for both of us. He had lost 15 pounds, he had nothing good to say whatsoever. He particularly was not keen about some of the kids on his floor and some classroom experiences (mostly with some TA's who were not fluent English speakers...) and he did not like his advisor. However, he had already figured out what he could and could not change and he was VERY clear that what he couldn't change would also be less of a problem as a sophomore than as a freshman. In the 2nd semester he did what he needed to do to set himself up for a better sophomore experience. He was very clear he did not want to transfer. In short, I think it was evident that his issues were not deal breakers and that he would be much happier in his sophomore year (in fact in the 2nd semester of freshman year) and he has been. I think there are issues which are transitional, short term and not pervasive which kids might encounter at any school. Then there are those which are more intrinsic to the school or the child. </p>
<p>He knew 2 kids who transferred after freshman year. One was a boy who was trying to glide as he had through HS and just was not willing to work hard enough to get reasonable grades. The second was a boy who switched coasts for an institution of similar caliber- more of a lifestyle decision. He also knew a few kids who left school.</p>
<p>My son has had a fantastic sophomore year- exceeding even his expectations I would guess.</p>
<p>Peter,
I was miserable my first year of college too, with roommate situation and her bringing guys in all night, stealing my clothes, typewriter, checks, etc. I pushed for a change in rooms. I your D able to do that? Is she content with classes and profs? I'm trying to ask if her complaints are situational to housing or globa.</p>
<p>Peter - My daughter also was doing extremely well academically but was unhappy socially. If she had not done well academically, she would not have been successful in her transfer applications. At my daughter's first school, the freshman dorms were totally separate from the rest of the dorms, and she felt that she was spending a lot more time studying than most of her dorm-mates. A large part of the social scene at her first college involved drinking, and, although it was possible to find other things to do, the other things were not in the "mainstream" of the social scene there.</p>
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<p>I think that she is not that happy with her classroom experience ( many courses taught by TAs). I think it is more than housing.</p>
<p>My son got poor advice in course selection freshman year and ended up in classes that really were not up his power alley as a learner. This is one of the major things which changed as a sophomore (after he got a different advisor's advice). This has been one of the changes this year....also, living with friends, dumping the demanding girlfriend, great EC fun, a feeling of committment to various things. Just a complete turnaround. </p>
<p>I think if she cannot see changes happening for her then she should transfer- there is no reason to not have a wonderful school experience- if the choices are good, I would jump.</p>
<p>Mother of two,
I feel that my daughter's situation is analogous to your daughter's experience.</p>
<p>I would think that as she gets into classes above the intro level, she would have less classes taught by TAs. Also, even though we hear so much about TAs teaching at large universities, I believe that usually the main lecture is taught by a professor and the discussion sections by a TA. Is this not the case at her school? </p>
<p>In my daughter's case, both her first school and her transfer school are small LACs. She likes the small class experience of the LACs, and was happy with the academic experience at her first school (although, sort of coincidentally, the way the majors in her fields of interest are structured at her new school fits her interests much better, and she will be able to double major, so that was an unplanned benefit of transferring.)</p>
<p>Peter,
If I were you, I'd call the master. Don't blame anyone, just explain your reasons to be concerned and get some feedback as to what is going on. There may be issues you are unaware of--romance, roommate battles, etc. If the word is out that she wants to transfer, she may not have been able to get into a good group for the housing lottery for next year. That in and of itself might push her to transfer. But her housing situation is unlikely to be better as a transfer student. </p>
<p>It sounds as if you D did a bad job choosing courses. She may be one of those who tried to get distribution requirements completed frosh year, which is usually a HUGE mistake. It is possible to choose a mix of small/large courses, so she doesn't have all TAs. She needs to get involved in ECs. That's where kids make friends they socialize with in ways that don't involve alcohol. Encourage her to get involved with IMs--even if she's not at all athletic. Again, it can be a good way to meet people. And it isn't too late in the year to do that.</p>
<p>Unless she wants to go to an all-female or Evangelical Christian college, she's unlikely to find a school where drinking isn't somewhat of an issue. I think I know which school she attends, and statistically, there's less binge drinking there and more non-drinkers than at most colleges.</p>
<p>I wish her luck if she transfers. But transfers have their own social issues. So, it may not be a panacea.</p>
<p>Yes, WildChild, while still wild and social, is not enjoying his freshman year. He feels it is a waste of money and that the school is just a degree factory. He finds it not intellectual enough for him, believe it or not. He has been disappointed in many of his teachers, although his grades are very good. Some of his experience has been colored by an injury that has kept him out of the sport for which he was recruited and a total blow-off by the coach. He also feels that the urban environment and the huge party life (to which he is susceptible) has caused him to lose focus. He has a single, but feels you can not sleep or adhere to any kind of schedule because there is noise in the dorm all night long. Many of the kids don't have classes before noon (at the earliest). He knows there are some things he can change to make it tolerable if he stays, but he (and we) seriously question if "tolerable" is worth what it is costing. He has even submitted an app to our state university and been accepted. He is waiting for decisions on his other transfer apps. My concern is that he might be tempted to over-correct.</p>
<p>Two comments-its good that she gave it two semesters to see if things worked out. Second, the fact that she is doing well academically leaves many transfer doors open to her.</p>
<p>Our son did not get on real well with his freshman year roomie either, no big conflicts just nothing much in common. Fortunately he made good friends with a group in another dorm(BARH) some distance away and even ate most evening meals with them in their cafeteria. Junior year and they are still togehter.</p>
<p>My daughter was very fortunate in that she did not have any problems fitting in socially as a transfer (at a small LAC). Her dorm has a mix of freshman in doubles and juniors and seniors in singles. A lot of the social activity seems to involve the dorm group. Ironically, there were very few sophomores but two other great sophomore girls ended up moving in from another dorm midyear when a room became vacant for a complicated reason not worth mentioning here. Her roommate is another sophomore transfer and they were a perfect roommate match, so she was very lucky!</p>
<p>As far as over-correcting, I would share MOWC's concern if my daughter tried to transfer to a less rigorous college. In my daughter's case, her first college was a very rigorous one, but her present one is even more so.</p>