<p>My concern with the over-correcting is that one of the transfer choices to which he will likely be accepted is much more rigorous and has much more of a "nerd" reputation. One of his top choices for transfer is a small, rigorous, remote LAC that accepts few transfers. A decision to attend a big SEC school would not be viewed by me as an over-correction but as a complete change of course and a monetary decision. The "L" word has come up a few times this year for the first time ("law").......</p>
<p>What is SEC?</p>
<p>Southeastern Conference. It's like the Ivy League. :) (athletic conference)
Think MAJOR sports environment and huge amounts of fun.</p>
<p>With all due respect, MOWC...does he have a clue of what he really wants? Why apply to such dramatically different sorts of schools for transfer? Might it be that he hasn't figured out what didn't really work at 'plan A.' This would seem essential before moving on to someplace more than 'tolerable.'</p>
<p>Since my son turned it around after a miserable year at the same school as WC I think I can appreciate many of the issues your son has experienced. But, I would humbly suggest that my son has managed to construct a relatively rigorous intellectually stimulating program for himself at said school.</p>
<p>I have heard this story over and over from friends who have kids in college. I would say that 80-90% of the kids were unhappy the first half of freshman year. Even I remember being miserable 30 years ago - callling home crying due to homesickness, feeling like I didn't have enough good friends, cold all the time...</p>
<p>From what I have heard (and my own experience) is that once the kid sticks it out to sophomore year, most of them end up loving their experience.</p>
<p>One student I know who transferred after first semester, regretted it.</p>
<p>I posted this earlier on my own thread, but I can relate Peter. My daughter is a sophmore attending Smith, which appeared to be such a good fit for her. She seemed pretty excited and happy her first semester as a first year (no fresh*men* at Smith), but by spring semester, things weren't going well. Her sophmore year has been really difficult for her and she is now seeing a therapist to help make it through the end of this year. She will be transferring to a school closer to home next year. It wasn't the housing, it wasn't the academics, it wasn't TA's...it was the social environment. She just couldn't make any close friends. And she is a girl that usually makes friends very easily. She had a pleasant part time campus job and played in the campus jazz band, so she was putting herself out there to meet people. She was in the geek club (anime, sci-fi, and fantasy fantatics), and attended the Quaker services close to campus.</p>
<p>I think the decision to transfer out of Smith was more difficult on me than her or anyone else in my family. I put myself through college at the state U, and my experience was traumatic. I was hopeful that she would just have such a fun and rewarding experience. I know I fell victim to that old tendency to live vicariously though my child, but I see now that she is just so miserable that she can't stay another semester at Smith.</p>
<p>These posts reflect fears that have probably been hiding in the backs of our minds--
S's future school has been his first choice pretty much from the time he first started looking. What worries me is a fairly concrete thing. He wants to major in IR, for which his U. requires 8 semesters of language credits. Foreign language has not been a strong point for him in HS, and he is interested in what sound like some quite difficult language choices. Hope he will be able to keep up. He is a hard worker, but even so I'm afraid it may be tougher than he thinks.</p>
<p>I think not fitting in socially is such a sad thing for kids at college. </p>
<p>Personally, if I had a kid who I knew did not normally have social issues, and was suddenly experienceing issues at their new college, I'd certainly not rule out transferring. </p>
<p>Sometimes kids just do not fit a particular culture at a college. (Speaking from personal experience here - my own, not my kid's.) It might eventually become tolerable, but it's harder to turn it into the great college experience that you imagined.</p>
<p>And yes, I have a friend whose kid transferred out of Harvard for NYU and was much happier. Her's was a special case (I guess) as she was a model and just didn't feel like she fit in in Cambridge. (Still about social fit though.)</p>
<p>Actually, my son knows exactly what he wants academically (and athletically). He is in the process of figuring out where he can GET what he wants. He had only a few weeks to get the transfer apps in, so he did choose some rather diverse schools. The apps to the SEC schools were my suggestion and took no effort. It gives him a fallback if he wants to just take courses and regroup. Remember, he has taken a huge hit to his athletic aspirations, with surgery last May and next week! His view, which is shared by many (but not by all) is that his present college is dominated by one prestigious pre-professional school. He thought he wanted to be part of that, and discovered that he does not. It is also much more frat-oriented than the school would have you believe. After boarding school in a fairly remote area, he thought he wanted to be at an urban school. He ruled out what would have been (in retrospect) a better fit. While I am disappointed that he is not happy, I do feel that he made a careful initial choice and will not make a transfer choice lightly.</p>
<p>Peter –- Another mom of a kid who transferred (although not from her dream school – she had none.) A few comments. From your posts, it seems that you and your daughter are trying to sort out the question whether the culture of the dream school doesn’t suit her from the question whether she has personal issues to address, issues that she would have in any college environment. If the primary issue is the former, then transfer is a great option. That was the case for my daughter, and transferring made all the difference. But if the real issue is the second, then perhaps your daughter should seek some counseling, either on campus or privately, before making the decision to transfer. It would be a shame for her to leave her “dream school” only to discover that the issues that troubled her there continued to dog her at a new school.</p>
<p>Honestly, my daughter usually has no problem fitting in socially. She also has a job and participates in community service at school. For her, the social environment is just not right. I think she also feels the way that MOWC' s son feels that the kids are not as passionate about learning for the pleasure of learning. I think it is hard not to be seduced into thinking that the Ivy League is the way to go when you are caught up in the college process. I am referring to the parents, kids and college counseling.</p>
<p>What type(s) of colleges is she considering transferring to and how does she anticipate that they would provide a difference from her current school in ways that matter to her?</p>
<p>Small LAC.</p>
<p>Peter, she should be hearing pretty soon from all the schools she applied to transfer to. Has she visited these schools yet or overnighted there? And are these brand new schools that were not even on the horizon as a freshman applicant?</p>
<p>Peter,</p>
<p>The school my daughter is attending is Swarthmore (a small LAC), and I thus have specific information only on that school, which I am providing here as an informational example. </p>
<p>Swarthmore's transfer students this year came from the following schools (some may be missing): Berkshsire Community College, Mount Holyoke, Des Moines Area Community College, U. of Wisconsin, William and Mary, University of Pennsylvania, Queens College (CUNY), Barnard, Brown, Kenyon, Williams, Wesleyan, Tulane, Loyola, and Harvey Mudd.</p>
<p>Obviously, there is a great variety of types of schools (LACs, very selective universities, public universities, community colleges) from which students sought to transfer to Swarthmore (a small LAC). and I would imagine that the reasons for students seeking to transfer are also as varied as the schools they transferred from.</p>
<p>Peter. It sounds as if you have a good relationship with your daughter. Congrats on that. I just wanted to add that it is really difficult for kids to admit that they may have made a mistake. They are afraid of what others will think and are very concerned with letting down their parents and being a disappointment to them. Therefore when your child starts to discuss their unhappiness as a parent you REALLY have to listen hard. Usually you are only hearing the tip of the iceberg. It's tough to "hear" our kids because we also have invested emotions, money and time into their decision making and whether we want to admit it or not it affects us and our reaction to their unhappiness.
So just a gentle reminder to us all. Really listen to them.</p>
<p>Mom of another former transfer student here--though not from a "dream" school--more like the opposite--didn't know what she wanted, then chose badly. She was at an OOS public, with all the same problems you have listed, though I'm willing to bet that the drinking culture was much, much worse than at your D's college.</p>
<p>However, no matter where the student is, it is good for them to know that they are not stuck; choices are available. My D transfered to an LAC, and found it to be much more to her liking. She was very, very happy there. but I will say that transfering is a big step, and I'd only advise it for the truly miserable. Basically, when my D started coming home every other weekend, and seemed physically ill at the thought of returning each Sunday, and couldnt imagine being back in the fall, it essentially became clear that she had no choice.</p>
<p>My S is a junior in the middle of a miserable year at an Ivy, but I think in his case it is a combination of a personal blow coupled with bad course selection in the fall. He was very happy the first two years. Right now we are trying to help him regroup and figure out how to have a successful senior year.</p>
<p>Many moons ago I had a friend who transfered from a small LAC (Swarthmore) to Harvard. She spent a year at Harvard and went back to Swarthmore. Your daughter may well be right that she needs (or at least wants) something very different from what she's getting right now. I do think she's experience the disadvantages of suite living. You really have to go out and participate in other activities - it's too hard to make casual contacts from a suite I think. The TA situation on the other hand is likely to change when she's in more advanced courses and if she chooses carefully. (Easier to do in some majors than others.) I think I'm agreeing with everyone here. I think she'll be happier with time if she stays, but I think she may well be right that this isn't quite the right fit.</p>
<p>There have been times in my life when friends fell in my lap, and others where I had to be very proactive (much more proactive than made me comfortable) in order to find friends. You can be pretty miserable if you are sitting alone in your room on a Saturday night. I've lived through it.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Berkshsire Community College, Mount Holyoke, Des Moines Area Community College, U. of Wisconsin, William and Mary, University of Pennsylvania, Queens College (CUNY), Barnard, Brown, Kenyon, Williams, Wesleyan, Tulane, Loyola, and Harvey Mudd.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Wow. That's an eclectic list. Wouldn't it be fun to compare to the list of schools where ex-Swarthmore students transfered to?</p>
<p>I'm guessing that the Tulane and Loyola transfers may have been students accomodated in the Katrina aftermath who were required to return to their home schools and transfer the following year.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Therefore when your child starts to discuss their unhappiness as a parent you REALLY have to listen hard.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I agree. It almost requires a two-pronged approach, because there is complaining about freshman year adjustment issues and then there is really complaining about freshman year.</p>
<p>I would think that it takes getting the student to talk though the issues a bit so the opportunity is there to really listen. Kind of a "I support you" and "I'm playing devil's advocate, here".</p>
<p>When the complaints reach the level of an 18 year old actually getting off their duff to do more college applications, that's probably a pretty good sign that the complaints need to be taken seriously.</p>
<p>Do any of you feel that a semester abroad or away would have helped, or just prolonged the uncertainty?</p>