<p>My son was at a lac he loved until we had major financial setbacks. he happily agreed to go to the big state U. after 2 years at lac. What a trauma! He is fine and lived through it, but he never expected it to miss the lac so much. He actually thinks BigStateU ( Rutgers) is a wonderful school and hopes his little sister attends. He feels the move itself was what threw him off. He was very depressed for much of junior and senior year. Being a "tough guy" he sucked it up and we couldn't do much to ease it for him.
(he then worked, attended law school and is a happy new lawyer with all this behind him and two close sets of college friends - one set per school)
I have both at home and in my extended family a large variety of learning issues and forms of ADD. Have you looked at inattentive ADD? In my family these kids tend to be slow moving, daydreaming, sweet kids who are quite immature emotionally and tend to make rash decisions. Mostly they seem 3 or 4 years younger in some ways, though not intellectually!
The way your daughter reacted at the LAC seems more like that kind of issue to me. Not depressed, just not locked into the school and easily swayed by her peer group from home. Depression came, if at all, from being at Big State U.
Even though she is an adult I'd discuss this with the psychiatrist and perhaps see a developmental pediatrician, or just read up on all this.<br>
We have family members with sons that have Oppositional Defiant Disorder and ADD. The Opposition and Defiance part are fading with age, but the tendency to drop one activity/college/job and leap to another "perfect" situation is still happening to an extent.
The reason I bring all this up is that unless you've dealt with this adults tend to assume the kid just needs a swift kick from reality. They do not have the skills in place to deal with things by themselves, without structure and direction. The hard part is having the student really know that about themselves. The psychiatrist, being both involved and not a family member, will make a huge difference I bet.</p>
<p>My D had a friend who attended one year at the LAC, however, drove back near every weekend to Seattle to see a boyfriend.
Big surprise that she transfered the next year to the UW.
However, after a year at UW, she realized she really wanted to be back at Reed and she transferred back ( I don't think she would have been able to if she had waited longer without more difficulty)
Don't know if she is still with boyfriend, but she did graduate from Reed.</p>
<p>When my D was younger, she participated in many ECs, but usually one at a time, and I had her try them for at least a year, unless there were extenuating circumstances. A few months is not long enough to try something out, that you have made a committment to, and I believe in honoring commitments as well, it takes effort not to change at first sign of difficulty, but in many cases, it is worth it, if even just to learn that you can tough it out.</p>
<p>I would worry that she doesn't know what she wants, and would even advise some time off, as switching schools back and forth seems like an expensive way to find yourself.</p>
<p>Snowball, I misunderstood what you said, although I still stand by my statement. If it were my child I wouldn't give her a third opportunity until I was sure it was the right and final choice. That's just me. You know your own child better than I do. I've learned from your situation that even when a school seems right it might not be and we must remain open to the possibility of change.</p>
<p>OldinJersey-interesting thought concerning the ADD; my daughter was diagnosed with ADD in first grade. As my oldest son was ADHD and quite the handful, we decided to try my daughter in medication. She only took it on school days, no weekends or summers. During high school she and her doctor talked about her trying to see how she would do without meds, but there never seemed to be a great time; either she was near exams, SAT's, AP's, a performance, med-terms, etc... She was always afraid if she stopped the medication her grades might suffer, then after her freshman year at the LAC she decided to quit her medication. When she seemed so off this last fall, I did speak to the doctor just on the off chance being off the medication might be contributing to her emotion upset. I was told this was not due to the medication as she never took it during the summer or weekends and we never had this problem before. When I talked to the psychiatrist, he was going to evaluate her for ADD again and see if he felt she might need to be back on the medication. While I have not ask my daughter about this recently, I do know she has not gotten a prescription from him, so either he is waiting or doesn't feel she needs anything at this time.</p>
<p>Thanks for the reminder of the ADD; I will ask my daughter about this when the time is right. I am trying to stay apart of her theraphy; listening when she wants to share. I tend to get tidbits thoughout the week, no full discussions like I did when she first started seeing a therapist at school.</p>
<p>When my son was diagnosed with ADD (as a college fresh.), his Dr. quizzed him in great depth regarding feelings of depression. He said that often ADD and depression can go hand in hand -- especially when the person is up against a stressful situation and the ADD interferes with coping mechanisms. He was quick to point out that one does not cause the other, nor do they have to both exist in the person, only that there is a much higher incidence of depression in ADD persons (especially untreated and when major life changes have occured).</p>
<p>UPDATE
My daughter has been in therapy and doing well. The doctor truly feels that there was never any real depression, just a child that was unhappy with her situation. She made a mistake in transferring school, letting her friends convince her that her ED school wasn't the best for her. In therapy she has learned to trust herself and while she values her friends opinions, she know she needs to do what is best for her.</p>
<p>Come August, my daughter will be heading back to her LAC that she attended freshman year. She is very happy and also a bit nervous. She know she will not be able to walk back into her old life, but she also knows her friends from the LAC as ecstatic to have her returning. There will be some adjustments at the school, the first being housing. Her closest friends are all living together; they tried to figure out a way to hold a spot in the room for her, but there was no way that could happen as she didn't find out her decision until today. As a transfer student she will be receiving housing with the freshman, although the housing office said they might be able to slip her in with current students on the waitlist for housing. </p>
<p>I knew this was what my daughter really wanted when she spent much time with advisors, the registrar, admissions, and semester abroad office trying to make sure all her ducks were in a row to return. She visited the school during the spring to meet with these people as well as making sure she felt the same about the school, which she did!</p>
<p>So things have settle down here a bit, and for that I am happy!!</p>
<p>Thanks for the update. Glad to hear it's settled. I'll bet your daughter has learned a lot about herself and matured considerably as a result of this situation and how it was handled.</p>
<p>Great news, snowball. (She needs to keep a) Steady hand on the rudder and y'all will get through this.</p>
<p>alright…here is a question…
Is it advisable to talk to your first college advisor/counselor about the transferring plans to make sure it is possible to transfer back to same college after 2/3 quarters??
Also how many quarters do u have to be away in a different college to transfer back again to the same college?</p>
<p>thanks!</p>
<p>Coolwater, this thread is two years old. You should start your own topic with your questions in it in order to get your answers.</p>