I’m a mid-20s student who identifies as transgender and I am in school and my parents are very unsupportive of me thinking I am delusional, thinking too much. I am still “financially-dependent” because of my current student stipend status. This has greatly influenced me and I have been quite fed up with having to cope with my current birth gender that it is nearly ripping me apart that I’m at a point in my life where I feel I’m watching someone else live my life, while I’m not being truly authentic as to who I really am. I don’t wish to mean my parents any harm, or wish to be disowned, sever ties with my parents, create interfamily conflicts. I tried to educate my parents with informative resources, but they keep on giving me resources like Paul McHugh, sexchangeregret.com, etc.
I posted here on this forum to seek advice from more actual “grown-ups” with real-world experience in the workforce and life in general.
Any advice, thoughts, and input will be truly and highly appreciated. Thank you.
Have you had counseling at all? Someone with expertise in this area can probably help you to sort this out, both in regard to your gender adjustments and your family.
I think you should get some counseling, and also get your degree done ASAP so you are not dependent on your parents. There is no changing people who do not want to be changed, I think. So you need to take the steps you can to distance yourself.
My heart goes out to you. I agree, if you are still in school you hopefully have access to free or low cost counseling. Some parents can never accept this and others do, but you do have to separate your life from theirs, especially if you are in your mid 20’s. If you can finish your degree soon, then do, but if these issues require a pause to re-set your direction, then the counseling can help you see a clearer path.
“I posted here on this forum to seek advice from more actual “grown-ups” with real-world experience in the workforce and life in general.”
I know that “transgender” is a hot exciting topic now, but regardless of the reason, many parents/students/children have differences that stress the relationship. Living at home, politics, drugs, church and faith, marrying the wrong person, dependency in mid-20’s, sex, etc. A lot of families, maybe even every family, experiences stress in relationship between parent and child. This seems more normal than unusual.
Real world and workforce referencing the above quote? Move on and be you. There’s a big difference between mid-teens and mid-twenties. Being you may result in some difficult choices and sacrifices, but plan on those happening for a long time.
Even supportive parents can have difficulty with this. They may feel that you are rushing things. At least that was whatI observed with a good friend of mine. She, thankfully has come around completely, and last year her son got married to his long time girlfriend. And the whole family celebrated it together.
I can’t really advise more than others here have. It may help to talk to a counselor, or find a support group of others in the same boat. Good luck.
Legal and medical transition is not possible (as far as I know) without extensive discussion/counseling/etc. Have you started this process? I think most college health plans cover it, and your parents are NOT entitled to any information about who you are seeing or what you are talking about. Kiddo, you need help from professionals, not well-meaning folks here at CC who do not necessarily know anything about this issue – although they may have big hearts and a lot of acceptance. I wish you had this parent: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jon-ralston/the-child-i-love_b_10116578.html If that ain’t gonna happen, just know that you are in at least one person’s prayers to find comfort and happiness. God bless you and keep you safe. ATS
I am the father of a trans son. While we were, and remain, a part of his decision making, the important relationships in the process are with professionals. Go to campus health and let them help you connect with resources.
Your parents might never be supportive, or they might just have to adjust/evolve more slowly than you’d like. Good luck, don’t despair, things will work out.
Were you born before Jan. 1, 1993? If so, then for federal student aid purposes, you’re considered to be an independent student and will not provide information about your parents on the FAFSA.
Do you live at home and commute, or do you live on campus ?
Is your college open to trans students, indifferent, or actively hostile?
Can you take a class in gender studies or add a gender studies minor (where you could 'be yourself ’ completely, bring your views to the discussion? ) in order to process things better?