Tricky Rush situation, can someone please give advice?

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>So basically, short version is: How do you nicely let a frat down and let them know you're no longer interested in getting a bid from them without seeming like a ****** or insulting them?</p>

<p>Long version is: I transferred to a small, liberal, accepting school in the west after my sophomore year, and I was really lonely during that first year I was up there. I was kind of bi-curious before, and as cliche as this sounds, I met a guy and fooled around with him for one night - but no sex at all, and it was mainly because the insane loneliness of that year made me crazy. And I didn't enjoy it very much, so I didn't talk to the guy after that.</p>

<p>So a few weeks after that, Spring rush for frats begin, but I get an email from the guy saying he would be uncomfortable with me rushing his frat, and if I persist he'll make sure that I won't get a bid or invite from the other brothers. This really sucks because I knew a few other guys in that frat and they seemed pretty nice/cool. And I pleaded with the guy, I won't tell anyone, it's all in the past, I don't give a ****, it's all forgotten about, but the jerk still single-handendly prevented me from rushing.</p>

<p>So I had a crappy year, and since the d-bag was a senior last year and had graduated, I decided to rush again this fall. I went to the first event, met a lot of cool guys including a few who are in my classes, but after I get home from that event, I get an email from the same jerk. Despite having graduated (and I didn't see him at the event), he apparently knew I rushed and threatened to tell his brothers what happened to make sure I won't get another invite or bid.</p>

<p>So yeah, obviously this is a very cruel, sick person we're talking about, especially because I identify as straight and it's all in the past for me. So now the rush chair - who is this guy I'm on friendly terms with and get along well with - is emailing me about the 3rd event, and I really like this frat a lot, more than the others I rushed, but the ******bag is telling me to just ignore the email.</p>

<p>So I don't know if I should just make up some excuse that sounds believable but will still have the rush chair be on friendly terms with me orrrr if I should just tell him, "Sorry, I really like you guys a lot, but I had an unfortunate run-in with one of the brothers last year and he said he'd be uncomfortable with me rushing." Which is a huge gamble. Well, let me know what you guys think.</p>

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<p>I think the guy is making an empty threat. If the frat is that homophobic, I doubt if he’d tell them about his experience with you. He’s probably just scared that you’ll tell them even though you’ve promised not to. Obviously, he has some concerns about his own sexuality. My advice is that if you want to be in the frat, go ahead and rush it and forget about the guy’s threats.</p>

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<p>I agree with Northstar mom, I wrote out the same thing before I even read her post. If the frat would care, I don’t think that guy is going to out himself-- and he has to in order to say anything about you. If he thinks it’s something so shameful to be worth holding over your head I’m sure he doesn’t want to bring any of that back onto him. And if he does, the frat will either ignore him or not let you in-- and if it’s the latter you know that the frat wasn’t as cool as you thought it was. The incident you had is not as uncommon as the stereotypical college aged male would like you to think. It’d be silly to let go of a cool guy just for something so trivial as that.</p>

<p>However, if you are uncomfortable and want to opt out, I’d probably just tell them the truth-- or at least just to say that one of the brothers has expressed a problem with you rushing and that’s what’s made you uncomfortable. You never know, they may take your side. If you try to BS them they might be able to tell, and you certainly don’t want to go around losing potential friends, frat or no frat, over some ******.</p>

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<p>Seriously, if your fraternity is anything like mine…if one guy doesn’t like you then you won’t get a bid. It’s called ‘balling’ someone, and it happens to lots of guys. It sucks and all, but there’s really nothing you can do about it.</p>

<p>Nothing is stopping you from rushing. They may not even have the same policy, you can usually ask them during rush and they’ll tell you how they choose who to give bids to.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the advice everyone! I really appreciate it.</p>

<p>Mr. Bojangles - It is a small fraternity, around 25 members, so it definitely stands to reason that I could be “balled”. I’m tempted to go ahead with anyway, but I don’t know if he would say WHY he is voting against me (are they usually required to give a reason or can they just say “I don’t like him”?)</p>

<p>Also, I am rushing one other fraternity, and I don’t know if frats share information about rushees with each other. I wouldn’t want drama in this frat to affect my chances at the other, but at the same time I would like to have a shot at getting in at least two frats so I don’t put all my eggs in one basket, if you know what I mean.</p>

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<p>They never share information with each other during rush.</p>

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<p>I can’t speak for everyone, but yeah…you can just be adamant about not wanting someone there and that will keep them from getting a bid. If they really want you, they’ll try to convince the guy whose balling you but that only works about 50% of the time</p>

<p>Fraternities don’t share information, and the whole point of rush is to get out and get a feel for each one. I definitely recommend going around to a bunch of the houses and not just one or two. Go back the next day if you like them.</p>

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<p>Even people who have graduated get a major say in who gets a bid? I wasn’t aware that alums had THAT much involvement still. Shows what I know.</p>

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<p>Yikes, well that isn’t good!</p>

<p>I ended up emailing the rush chair about the situation, just saying that one of the brothers was uncomfortable with me rushing, even though I thought there were a lot of cool guys in the frat. Anyway, a few minutes later and I actually get a call from the President himself asking if we could talk about it. (I just let him leave a voicemail.) </p>

<p>So now it’s like…****…I don’t know what to do. I mean, the last rush event before the invite-only night is tonight in an hour. And I guess I should give the guy a call, but I’m not sure. Ughhh. I just don’t want to disclose what I did to the guy blackmailing me with the president of the fraternity, someone I barely know, because it is kind of personal.</p>

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<p>Maybe you would be comfortable saying you are being blackmailed without telling him about what? I’d at least give the guy a call if nothing else just because it sounds like he is trying to help you.</p>

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<p>At the very least, you should tell the leader that you’re being blackmailed… but it looks like if it comes down to it you’re going to HAVE to tell him what happened, while making it obvious that you don’t like guys.</p>

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<p>It depends on the frat. In some frats if one person doesn’t like you, you won’t get a bid.</p>

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<p>What the hell? Is it me or is Mi_lie and The Path the same person?</p>

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<p>^lol I noticed that too. :P</p>

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<p>he who balls should take care to make sure he is not balled himself.</p>

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<p>hahaha ****ing ■■■■■? made a fake account to post this or what??? and that little anecdote about fooling around gave me a horrible image…</p>

<p>thanks.</p>

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<p>I have the toughest decision of my life right now. Want to join a frat and i’ve met most of the brothers and they seem really cool but i’m worried bc their pledging is really hard i guess and tonight is bid night so i’m not sure if i should join. One of my friends might join with me which makes me more likely to join but idk bc it seems like a tough process to join. any advice? everyone says its the most fun you never want to have again.</p>

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<p>If that’s the toughest decision of your life you’ll be just fine.</p>

<p>ETA: While the ■■■■■ theory is a possibility, it’s also possible he made a new account to avoid anyone knowing this story was his-- as he clearly doesn’t want people to know about it. He’s a damn good ■■■■■ if that’s the case because I skimmed through his other posts yesterday on the older account and they are all consistent with this one.</p>

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<p>^I’m going to go with the latter theory. It’s happened plenty of times before where people make a new account to post a question they (for whatever reason) don’t want associated with their regular account, and then just go back to their business. Nothing wrong with it. :B</p>

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<p>if you told them you have beef with this guy, now they will more than likely ask what it is about.</p>

<p>I assume at that point you have 3 choices: the truth, walk away, or the blackmail line.</p>

<p>now we can cross out the truth, of course?!
now if you decide to tell them its blackmail, CAN you leave it at just that, i don’t think so.</p>

<p>–they will ask this other guy whats his deal…he WILL have to lie of course.</p>

<p>this lie he tells won’t have to do anything with you being semi-gay, what ever lie or w/e he says most likely wont hurt you.</p>

<p>there is no way the other guy will say a word.</p>