It’s totally normal, and I’m finding that it’s much, much worse when your kid graduates from college, as mine did two weeks ago. She is home for the summer, but will move out in late August, so I’m enjoying every minute.
I do have another kid still in college, but I know that in two years, he’ll also be grown and completely flown.
Transitions are hard at any age, but we do find a new normal after a while.
Hugs to you! Every family is different and I agree with others, let the process take it’s course. Feel sad when you need to, cry when you need to, and look forward to the next time you will be together. It was very hard last August after we came home…so quiet in the house even with my son home (it was an adjustment for him too). Long walks and bike rides helped. You learn a new normal. Don’t be surprised if there are times when all seems okay and then wham! For me it was when fall break came. Great time together and then she was crying as she drove away which brought it all back. The good news is that it does get better! My daughter had a great freshman year, can’t wait to go back, and we all are enjoying the summer!
Some great advice I received was to plan a family vacation or even a few days away before August (can be crazy with packing and such)…and look forward to Thanksgiving and XMAS breaks. Best wishes to you!
I read that 82% if college grads are living at home, so maybe you should see this as temporary 
Many of us will tell you they are kind of in and out throughout their twenties!
There is huge variation about college grads living at home (post #22). My two have not lived at home with us since S started working at his job 5000 miles away in 2013 (he did live with us for over 6 months while awaiting finalization of his security clearance). D has only lived with us during vacations since she went away to college in 2009. My nieces and nephews on the other hand are different. Many have returned back to the family home for years–some until they got married, some while attending grad school or med school, some to regroup. There are truly many paths and it’s nice when the families remain flexible and able to support changing needs as young ones (and us older ones) grow over time.
With him only an hour away, perhaps he will surprise you with some weekend visits? My younger son is 3 hours away and has a car. I think 3 times during the school year last year he came home on the weekend when it was not a break or holiday. It was wonderful to see him! Also maybe you can plan some weekend visits to see him. My older son had to fly to college and I always cried when he went back. But now he lives nearby and we see him almost every week. (And since we got a dog a week ago, there is extra incentive since he loves dogs!)
Yes, especially if they move far away, as both of mine have. It takes real effort to stay in communication, and in most instances, it’s the parents who have to make the effort (and remember the kids’ work schedules and the time zone differences).
This happens in some families but not others. One of my kids lived at home for about a month after college graduation, waiting for her job (and apartment lease) to start in another community. The other one came home for exactly two days before flying to the other side of the country. My husband wouldn’t have wanted them living with us anyway (he’s big on independence), but even if he didn’t mind, they had their own plans, and those plans involved being elsewhere.
HImom, I was only citing a statistic. None of mine are living at home On the other hand, some of us may be moving in with our parents when they reach 90!
Our only child left home for boarding school at 14. He’s a rising junior in college now. I’d like to say it gets easier, but it really hasn’t for me. I don’t cry. It’s not about me, but there is a hole in my heart ripped by his absence. He doesn’t need to know about that until it’s his turn with his kids, though. For perspective, I used to sit in his room and think about all the amazing things he was doing and learning and dwell on the happiness in his voice when we’d talk to him. I still circle calendar dates and count the days until his next visit and probably always will.
Happy kids launching happily is everything you can hope for. So, pat yourself on the back for getting your child this far. Then, open that bottle of wine.
Wine certainly helps. I second that @ChoatieMom!
Lots of good advice above and on the mentioned threads. One thing that helped me was to spend time both before and after my first left researching her school online. I looked at different course choices and requirements for majors and graduation and social networks, and on and off campus volunteer opportunities, and clubs and on and on and on. It was totally helicotery.
But, the most important thing is what happened next. I did not share any of this information with her. None. Not even when she said something where I realized I knew more than she did. Instead I just used all my research to build a picture in my head of her new world. Then when she did tell me something I had more context to understand.
So I highly recommend the strategy above but only if you are able to refrain from using information to give advice.
One other thing I’d say is always remember the alternative. Having an adult child who doesn’t leave home. My second child came back after one semester due to mental health issues. Trust me when I say that having her home has been much, much harder and more painful than sending her off in the fall was.
It is wonderful if kids re-settle nearby. Fortunately we live in an area where the jobs are and they want to live. I raised a family with no extended family around, I missed them really knowing their grandparents, aunts and uncles, but filled that gap with others best we could. Still, not the same. But then, the family on my side was quite dysfunctional, so maybe it was for the best.
Yes, as my D enters her senior year, the angst of freshman year is still very real in my mind. If you read the stream of posts from CC parents from high school graduation through drop off and the first few months of freshman year, you will see the ups and downs for both the parents and the kids. Lots of stories of moms crying all the way home, the readjustment, the quiet, the first tearful calls home, etc. It is even harder when you are a “one and done” like we are. But if you read the posts further, you will see that we all adjust to our new normal, enjoy the times we have when they come home and feel abundant pride as we watch them grow into semi independent adults. You have a lot of company here. Welcome.
I have to admit I don’t get it – of course I am sending off the 4th of 5 so I am tired – that said, my eldest has mental health issues and a LD, and failed out after the first year. It was extremely difficult - I find myself paranoid that my next one is going to fail as well despite the fact that she is not even remotely like my eldest. My step children are doing well - one graduated this year, the other has had a successful first 2 years.
It’s not just Moms who are sad.
You are right @TooOld4School it is not just Moms, as much as I struggled, I witnessed my husband deal with his own sadness.