<p>Here is my situation. Recently divorced after 23 years of marriage. Simply put, wife cheated and I got rid of her. My 18 year old son lives with me, is a high school senior and will be starting college in the fall.
Being in Pennsylvania, complicates the situation as there is no court ordered support for kids of separation or divorce that are going to college. (I had to thank my lawyer personally for this as he was the one that had the law overturned in my state with his case in front of the state Supreme Court). So the entire burden for loans and tuition is falling on me.
There is no agreement within our settlement to help my son with college as she would not sign anything like that.
However, I keep hearing that there are loopholes in the system that force the non-paying parent to pony up, although to date I have not been able to find those.
So I guess what I am asking for is your own experiences, how you dealt with it, and if there is a loophole, I would love to hear about it?
Rick</p>
<p>Is the school your son will be attending a FAFSA only school or did you also have to file out the Profile?</p>
<p>In no state is either parent responsible for paying for college. Your 18 year old is an adult. I would think what you do have on your side is the power of guilt. I would keep out of it and have your son ask his mother if she’s willing to contribute. When the request comes from the child it’s harder for her to say no.</p>
<p>I’ll follow up hmom5’s wise words with a reminder that if she says no, she’s still his mother and she occupies a big place in his heart. I’m sure you already know this but your son will need reassurance that love is not money, that his mother still loves him and to share his college experience with her anyway. </p>
<p>I’m sorry about your marriage and commend you for stepping up for your son’s college.</p>
<p>Well, no state requires non-custodial parents to pay for college but in several states it can be included in the settlement. Since you are already divorced, it is probably something that would have to be renegotiated through the court.</p>
<p>Here is a list of the laws by state: [Child</a> Support - Child Support And College Tuition](<a href=“http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/childsupportresources/a/childsupportcol.htm]Child”>Divorce Support and Advice)</p>
<p>I have divorced friends in PA, and they were not able to get their spouses to pay for college. You cannot force your nondivorced spouse to pay for college either. You do not have to pay for college unless you have contractually signed to do so. It’s up to the parent to make that decision what to pay and even if to pay.</p>
<p>There are no loopholes. There are a handful of states where college costs may be awarded but PA is not one of them. </p>
<p>If your child applies to a FAFSA-only school, only your income and assets will count. If your child applies to a College Profile school, the school will request income and asset information about your exspouse and any stepparents (if you or ex have remarried). The schools will then calculate the family contribution with all incomes and assets combined-- even if your ex is not willing to pay.</p>
<p>I hope you now see why hmom5’s advice is so good. If you approach this ready for a fight, you will probably not win. Going in easy is the only way to go.</p>
<p>Actually, the FAFSA also counts the income and assets of the spouse of the custodial parent. But, they do not count the other parent and step-parents income/assets.</p>
<p>True, pianomom. I should have been clearer.</p>
<p>Your best bet is a public university…for the most part they go on FAFSA which would only consider your income and assets. </p>
<p>I second the advice of having your son ask his mom for help directly. Even if she says “no” now, I would advise you and him to keep him on good terms with her. When my parents divorced (long boring chain of events incurred) and my dad turned me down flat when I asked him for help. I took out loans for the first year and did the best I could which was far better than I had done in high school. All of a sudden my dad kept coming up with money that he “found” that he could help me with. </p>
<p>So don’t allow your son to burn bridges…do what you can to get him into college and off to a good start and if she turns his requests down now don’t assume that applies for all four years.</p>
<p>Student can also ask mom to visit with the college financial aid office or someone knowledgeable about student loans/debt. Some times parents can be in denial (oh, he’s smart. He’ll get a scholarship. He’ll wait tables. It will be fine) and when a financial aid officer starts to lay out what thousands of dollars of debt mean (postponing marriage, home buying, having children) then there may be a re-assessment of the situation. It sounds like this info should come from some one who is NOT you. </p>
<p>A fin aid officer at Whitman college told my DH that a student would have to earn $22 an hour to having the college purchasing power today that we had 30 years ago. Tuition and costs have gone up that much. Not many kids can earn $22 an hour . . .</p>
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<p>If she won’t pay a cent, it does have some implications about love.</p>
<p>Rick,</p>
<p>Since your divorce is so new, everything is more emotionally charged between the two of you. Unfortunately, there is no way to MAKE her pay, which is what you want after someone has cheated on you (not just financially but emotionally). </p>
<p>My state has never had any child support/college ties so if Pennsylvania had it previously, I guess consider yourself lucky that it was ever there at all. I always chuckle at people who have never been through the courts or legal system and assume that courts and judges will place “fault” or “blame” and force parents to do the right thing. Not saying that’s you, but I’ve seen it alot over the years. People who have no experience with courts except from tv expect the judicial system to be as shocked and abhorred about the cheating spouse’s behavior and it’s just not like that. In reality, it’s about as clinical as surgery. </p>
<p>I have been divorced 12 years and similarly situated as you and we will receive zero assistance from my ex towards college. It’s just the last thing on a long list of many things he has not contributed towards (anyone that actually thinks child support even comes close to offsetting the price of raising children is delusional). </p>
<p>The best I can maybe hope for is that if my D has to take out any loans, their relationship is now such that she might be able to convince him to be the co-signer, but even I’m not convinced of that. She seems to think it would work. </p>
<p>I wish I could tell you more but the best you can do is be there for your son and let him know that you will stand by him and help him as much as you can. He will be eternally grateful to you for it. In many cases though, divorce forces children to grow up very quickly. Be glad that he is at the age where he has more of a role in the outcomes. My children were all under the age of 5 when it happened to us.</p>
<p>Actually, FAFSA includes the incomes of parents/step-parents with whom the student resides permanently. I know this for a fact because it’s my situation and I called the FAFSA folks to ensure that both incomes are included because I’m remarried.</p>
<p>Several friends I have who are in the estranged divorced parents situation have found that their ex’es are more likely to slip some money under the table to the kids than pay a dime officially.</p>
<p>I don’t see how your situation is much different from a married couple where only the husband works. In your current situation and in the situation I just described Mom does not pay a dime. </p>
<p>So you are the main breadwinner here. It would not be terrible if you son went to community college for two years and then transferred. We are doing that for cost savings and this route is saving us a huge chunk of change. Or he can try for scholarships which is what one of our kids did.</p>
<p>-written by a non-working spouse who is not contributing a dime towards her kids education</p>
<p>bookreader, my original reaction was like yours but then I thought for a minute…why did we both assume that the OP is the main breadwinner? He could be a non working spouse or he could be in a job which pays less than his ex wife. Lots of us with good information here but the OP seems to have disappeared…</p>