UC Davis waitlist essay help

College Essays
1

This is my essay atm but im not so sure about it

Thank you for the opportunity to reconsider me for admittance, as UC Davis has been and remains my top choice school.
UC Davis offers many opportunities in its political science department that prepare students to further their education beyond their time at the school. Through internships, students gain out of class real word experience and build a reputation with those working in professional environments, which gives them a competitive advantage. Such opportunities allow people to find an area to specialize in and fuel their passions.

Throughout my high school years, I’ve lead my peers in class and in clubs and hope to combine this with the classes available within the UC Davis political science department in order to continue my goal of helping others and applying for law school. Being a former California Girl’s State candidate and JSA member, UC Davis’ programs to study in seminars or internships in Sacramento and DC would allow me to continue this passion for public service with experience at both the state and national level.
This school would provide me the tools needed for success and in turn I would contribute to its community using my experience as a leader and hardworking student.

any help is welcome !

2

As a college counselor (and aggie myself!), a couple suggestions:

  1. Make it as Davis specific as possible.This is a love letter that should be true for Davis and JUST Davis. You can also list factors beyond your major that cause you to appeal, such as the student body, unique programs, etc. Your second paragraph “UC Davis offers many opportunities …fuel their passions” is true for -every- school that offers a political science department. Dig deeper. Are there any classes within this department or unique internships that intrigue you?

  2. Give this more of a sense of your goals, personality and motivation. Don’t assume this reader will also have read your personal statement. WHY are you interested in law? What motivates you, why, and HOW does Davis have the special sauce to make these goals come true?

Best of luck!