<p>Hello, could you please check me essay. I know my essay is a complete fail, so I hope you could give me some ideas how to fix it. I'm an international student btw. </p>
<p>Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school
— and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. </p>
<p>There are a lot of things that made me who I am today: my school teachers, friends, and family members, all of them had a huge influence in shaping my dreams and aspirations. I think the most fun and educating part of my life was participation in various entrepreneurship and startup events and hackathons which helped me to define to myself what I want to accomplish in my life and how should I do that.</p>
<p>I have always wanted to study in the United States. However certain things like being far away from home or the fact that there I would be alone without my friends and family really scared me from taking real actions to make my dream come true. The thing that actually made me to finally decide about studying in the US was Gigi Wang’s speech at the Silicon Valley Comes to the Baltics conference.</p>
<p>I will always remember the speech Gigi Wang gave at the Silicon Valley Comes to the Baltics conference in 2012. The whole speech was about sharing ideas between businesses and establishing your own companies. She pointed that to be successful people have to get out of their comfort zones and do something they are not used to. She told us that when she was younger she asked a mentor of her about what does she need to do to grow in her career and he said to her 'You need to go out of your comfort zone.' Traveling to new places, new countries, meeting with new people is a great way to do that.</p>
<p>That words really pushed me into decision to prepare for SAT exams, take them and apply to University of California. The distance between Vilnius and San Francisco -5744 miles- has become less scary for me, and I have realised that I must overcome the difficulties and try to reach my goal-education in the United States.</p>
<p>If not many entrepreneurship and startups events and hackathons which I attended and people who I have met there,I doubt if this day I would be where I am now - writing this essay and trying to apply to University of California.</p>
<p>Delete the first paragraph. It throws your essay off focus.
Also, I went through your essay and reworded some of your sentences so that they made sense.</p>
<p>I have always wanted to study in the United States. However, being far away from home or alone without my friends and family really scared me from acting on my dreams. However, listening to Gigi Wang’s speech at the Silicon Valley Comes to the Baltics conference encouraged me to study in the US.</p>
<p>I will always remember the speech Gigi Wang gave at the Silicon Valley Comes to the Baltics conference in 2012. The whole speech was about sharing ideas between businesses and establishing your own companies. She said that to be successful, people have to get out of their comfort zones and do something they are not used to. She told us that when she was young she asked her mentor about what she needed to do to grow in her career. He said, “You need to go out of your comfort zone.” (Did he say anything else besides this? You’ve already mentioned the same exact words in the previous sentences. Repeating them would make your essay repetitive.) Traveling to new places, new countries, meeting with new people are great ways to do (what?). Why? Is it important to do this?</p>
<p>I have realized that I must overcome the difficulties and try to reach my goal-education in the United States. If it weren’t for my entrepreneurship, startups events, hackathons, I doubt that I would be here now.</p>
<ul>
<li>Really work on your third paragraph and talk about experiences that helped you move out of your comfort zone.
-What did you learn/ gain from these experiences?
-How did they lead you here?
-You have to answer the second part of the prompt. The most important part is to explain how your experiences have shaped your dreams.</li>
</ul>
<p>Good luck! :)</p>
<p>Thank you very much! I’m working on improving my essay right now</p>
<p>Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school
— and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations. </p>
<p>School teachers, friends, and family members, all have had a huge influence in shaping my dreams and aspirations. Still, I think the most enjoyable and educating part of my life was participation in various entrepreneurship, startup events and hackathons. All of which helped to define me and focus the direction of my future studies. </p>
<p>However, factors such as distance from home and being alone in a new place scared me from taking the steps needed to make my dream come true. All of that changed in 2012 when I heard a speech by Gigi Wang a Board Member at MIT/Stanford Venture Lab at Silicon Valley Comes to the Baltics conference.</p>
<p>In her speech, Wang discussed the importance of sharing ideas between businesses and establishing your own companies. She noted that to be successful, people have to leave their comfort zones and do something they are not used to doing. Wang said that when she had been younger she had asked her mentor what she needed to do to grow in her career, he replied “You need to get out of your comfort zone.” It was then I realized, traveling to new places, meeting new people and experiencing new things is a great way to push your life beyond the limits.</p>
<p>Those words inspired me to prepare for my SAT exams, to take them and apply to the University of California. Although the distance between Vilnius and San Francisco is just under six thousand miles, I am more excited about the opportunities ahead rather than the distance in between. I have realised that I must overcome the difficulties and try to reach my goal - education in the United States. Conferences like “Silicon Valley Comes to Baltics” proved to me that if you want, everything is possible. I have realised that my dreams which I thought are unrealistic one day may actually come true. </p>
<p>If not for the many entrepreneurship, startups events, hackathons and the people who I met along the way, I would not be who I am today. Now I know that every time I face difficulties in my life I must overcome them and try to reach my goal, which today is an education in the United States.</p>