<p>Hello, I would like some feedback for my personal statement which I wrote for the University of California. The prompt states, "Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?" Here is my response to that prompt. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, thank you!</p>
<p>I was born with both the spirit of a fighter and the brains of someone who desires to be successful academically. I have the desire to one day become a world champion and succeed both inside and outside the ring. In order to do this, my will power must be stronger than the skill which I possess. Unlike the negative aspect of fighters which society portrays, I do not express an interest in fighting others without a legitimate reason, but rather, to prove to others that anything is possible if they are willing to fight for it.
To begin with, I have always kept in mind the idea that success is measured by effort. With that being said, I have shown my success through the effort which I have placed both inside and outside the ring as a fighter. Inside the ring, the hard work and dedication which I put into my training is what allows me to be successful during competitions and bouts. Outside the ring, the determination I possess to obtain a higher education and become a valuable asset to society is what has allowed me to be successful in my academics.
I seek a brighter future where I am able to positively contribute to the world. I seek to become independent, living on my own and not having to depend on anyone. I seek a place where I am free from having to struggle and face the economic hardships of life. I seek to live up to the day where I find myself with a nice car, a nice house, a loving family, and I can say to myself with a feeling of accomplishment, “You did it.” But in order for me to successfully seek and find these things, I must fight for them.
With that being said, boxing has played a major role in my life. This sport has taught me discipline; boxing has taught me that when you set your mind to something and you fight for it, you can accomplish whatever you desire. It has shown me the mindset, or true meaning, of what it is to be a fighter: fighting hard to reach your goals and not giving up until you do so.
Moreover, I believe that if it was not for boxing and the time I put into this sport, I would not be the same person I am today–ambitious and determined to reach my goals. I would not have the mindset that motivates me to strive for success and do my very best. In other words, I would not have the mindset of a fighter. I would not be motivated or ambitious; I would not be determined or disciplined. I simply would have stayed a non-motivated and non-participating high school freshman and would have not become the enthusiastic Senior Vice President that I am today.
Aside from the personal growth which boxing has given me, it has also given me the power to positively captivate the minds of younger people. When children and teens realize that I am a fighter, they are astonished and amazed; therefore, I am able to influence them in a positive way in hopes that someday they will become fighters as well and achieve the mindset of one. Not only children and teens look up to me, but adults also look up to me because they see how I am fighting to reach my goals and how I am determined to reach these goals regardless of how much effort I must put into them. For this, I believe all people can admire me for the fighter that I am.
To make a long story short, becoming a fighter is not an easy task. You must be strong mentally and physically and have a burning desire inside of you that makes you want to accomplish more than what you think you are capable of. In the end, however, it is worth it because I am a fighter and I know for a fact that this has helped shape me into the person that I am today.</p>